MarisaCraig Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I had a drunken one night stand on Thursday night, my first ever! Now if you're going to be judgmental about these sort of things, I really don't need to hear it. I was safe and used protection the WHOLE time! Yes, it wasn't the safest situation and I realize that - and that aspect of it I regret a bit, but it wasn't the riskiest of situations either. I was drunk, but not wasted! It's not my usual type of situation since I have only hooked up with people I know, but for some reason, this guy was at the right place at the right time and one thing lead to another, and of course alcohol facilitated the process. As for post one night stand regret or whatever, I have none on that level, (other than the health risk, which as discussed, I tried to minimize as much as possible). Now he asked for my # because he wanted to invite me to a baseball game. I knew it was a pretext to getting my #, and to getting laid. He laid it down well and I had probably one of the best all night sessions ever! The boy wore me out! He ended up spending the night which annoyed me when I woke up and found him sleeping next to me! As a result, I got into hyper defensive mode and wanted him to leave ASAP and I wasn't as nice to him as I should have, although I let him stay in the condo while he waited for his cab. When he left he said he was going to call me, but I told him, this is unnecessary, that he didn't have to, since I wanted to give him an out as it was just a one night stand. Alright so my dilemma is this, he called again the other night, and yes it was late and for a hookup, but he also mentioned that we should "hang out hang out" sometime, such as going to a game, since we first bonded at the bar over our favorite baseball team. I told him that if I decide to hook up with him again, it would be just for that, and again, unnecessary that he had to offer to hang out since it was only a physical thing, but he insisted on going to a game. We did not end up hooking up that night, but I'm not sure as this point whether I should be a) accepting another hookup session as it was only a one night stand and I'm not sure I want it to become a full blown FB situation. b) go to a game with him because I don't really want to get to know him because I don't want to risk maybe even liking him as a person, as I don't right now at all. I felt nothing after he left other than sexually relieved. If anything I was wanting him to get the hell out afterwards!!! However, part of me is intrigued because as discussed, I have never done this before and part of me wants to know more about this person..... Is this a subtle way that I am getting a bit attached to this situation? After all, I know nothing about him nor feel anything - but yet I am a bit curious about the boy who gave it to me really good.... What do you guys think? Better to leave it as a one night stand?
Jilly Bean Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 With your total detachment from the whole thing, I am honestly surprised you have only had ONE ONS. That's not a judgement - just an observation (I've had PLENTY of ONS - I just always hoped for more than that, more often than not). I just find your disdain and contempt for him curious. I don't understand the harshness and TOTAL emotional detachment. Are you mad at him for liking you, because you are not liking yourself? It seems like you are disgusted with him for wanting to pursue you.
Author MarisaCraig Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 With your total detachment from the whole thing, I am honestly surprised you have only had ONE ONS. That's not a judgement - just an observation (I've had PLENTY of ONS - I just always hoped for more than that, more often than not). I just find your disdain and contempt for him curious. I don't understand the harshness and TOTAL emotional detachment. Are you mad at him for liking you, because you are not liking yourself? It seems like you are disgusted with him for wanting to pursue you. Hmmm....great observation. Yes, I regret being a bit standoffish with him, but I think I just felt my comfort zone being encroached upon, just always thought ONS were hit it and leave type situation - didn't expect him be spending the night. I think the other problem is that the emotional detachment that you interpret as me being an experienced ONStander, to me, seems to indicate that I am NOT experienced in them because my inexperience with them makes me feel like it has to be total emotional detachment and that it would be inappropriate for more. It's like I forced myself to follow strict ONS protocal or something - going by the book! lol I think a more seasoned ONStander would be more flexible and allow things to go with the flow! I think another reason is that I'm afraid I may start to like him if we do start hanging out and also lastly, that I distrust him in some ways as I feel like he may be trying to blow air up my ass by making it seem like he was interested in "hanging out hanging out" when essentially he may just be wanting to milk it for what it's worth - another few sessions before bouncing, and so if that were the case, I'd rather him be sincere than represent something that's not true! That way I would know not to open myself up to him on a more personal level. Does this make any sense?! lol
Jilly Bean Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 It does. Well, you have a few choices: 1 - stop seeing him ENTIRELY 2 - see him ONLY for sex, and set some ground rules for how that will occur 3 - *hang out* with him, let go of your fears and trying to control an outcome, and just let it evolve on it's own FWIW, I don't think he's blowing smoke up your heinie in order to secure future booty calls. Why would he have to? Basically, you sent him the message that he doesn't need to "properly" date you in order to get sex. SO, that means his interest in a ball game and hanging out is because he *gasp* actually likes you!
Author MarisaCraig Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 It does. Well, you have a few choices: 1 - stop seeing him ENTIRELY 2 - see him ONLY for sex, and set some ground rules for how that will occur 3 - *hang out* with him, let go of your fears and trying to control an outcome, and just let it evolve on it's own FWIW, I don't think he's blowing smoke up your heinie in order to secure future booty calls. Why would he have to? Basically, you sent him the message that he doesn't need to "properly" date you in order to get sex. SO, that means his interest in a ball game and hanging out is because he *gasp* actually likes you! Wow, Jilly, you are good! lol You just laid out the choices for me. As for Option #2 and the ground rules, what type of rules should be considered? I know this varies for each person, but was wondering what are some of the rules that should be considered for FB situations - when, where, leave or stay, if someone meets someone else? Ironically, Option #3 seems to be the hardest and scariest one for me to consier! Don't know why! Maybe because my feelings may be on the line?! As for the theory that he may perhaps want to hang out with me because he may actually be interested, I guess I find that hard to believe because we haven't even properly dated before hooking up and it just doesn't seem like he knows me well enough to be interested, but I guess if I do pick this option, then we would be essentially taking things backwards, hooking up first, then getting to know each other! lol Very interesting! Thanks for your 2 cents on the matter!
Jilly Bean Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Well, few people know each other before dating, hon. That's why we DATE. lol. I just keep hearing that you find it so odd that he would genuinely be interested in dating you. Why is this so hard to believe? I think it's because you are feeling guilty or low for the ONS. If that's the case, please don't let your self-esteem issue with the ONS sabotage things with him. If you didn't sleep with him, and just met in the bar, talked about baseball, and then he called you and asked you to a ballgame, you'd have no problem with it, would you? No. See? It's your own hang ups on how you met and what happened that are clouding your perceptions on this. Lastly, although I have had plenty of ONS in my life, I am SO not a FWB type. I am sure others can assist with ground rules for that, if that is the direction you chose to take. Though I am secretly hoping you opt for #3...
Author MarisaCraig Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 Well, few people know each other before dating, hon. That's why we DATE. lol. I just keep hearing that you find it so odd that he would genuinely be interested in dating you. Why is this so hard to believe? I think it's because you are feeling guilty or low for the ONS. If that's the case, please don't let your self-esteem issue with the ONS sabotage things with him. If you didn't sleep with him, and just met in the bar, talked about baseball, and then he called you and asked you to a ballgame, you'd have no problem with it, would you? No. See? It's your own hang ups on how you met and what happened that are clouding your perceptions on this. Lastly, although I have had plenty of ONS in my life, I am SO not a FWB type. I am sure others can assist with ground rules for that, if that is the direction you chose to take. Though I am secretly hoping you opt for #3... Just curious, but why don't you do FWB situations? I also don't think I'd want to take it there either. It's either going to be #1 or #3 for me, and I think I am open to #3! As for your hypo, makes sense to me! Yes, I wonder why I feel this way about the ONS; I don't think I consciously feel guilty or low about it, but maybe subconciously I am - or that I feel like I have to control the situation or something. Either way, you are good, ever thought of psychology m'dear? lol
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