jon3105 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I've always been quite a shy person, which I guess stems from being outspoken a lot when I was younger. I find it near impossible to go up and talk to a girl in a bar or club when I’m out with friends, even when said girl is giving positive signs like smiling over at me, etc. Up until now I've always had the background comfort idea that "I’ll wait for a girl to come up to me", and whilst that was a failed tactic, it’s always kept me happy enough. Until yesterday. I left the gym midday and I see what I could only describe as one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen (just for information sake she was about 20-21, I’m 22). Naturally there’s no chance I'm going over to talk to her, but something strange happens while I’m waiting at the traffic lights, she comes over and starts speaking to me. She had a box in her hands which had a rabbit in, asked me if I liked it, etc. Instead of doing the obvious thing and saying something like "aw, yeah, what's its name?" I just nervously babbled "yeah...." and then started walking. She said something along the lines of "ok, have a good day" to which I replied "you too" and promptly left. Within about 2 minutes I felt like the most ridiculous person on the planet. Here it was, the perfect opportunity to meet someone handed to me on a plate and I still couldn’t muster up the courage to properly speak to her. There’s being self conscious but surely this is just stupid. I've pretty much spent the past 24 hrs in deep regret, wishing I could turn back the clocks and not make such a balls up. I've been suffering from mild depression for a while and my doctor has referred me onto a councillor, so I’m hoping they'll be able to help me sort this out, but does anyone have any other ideas what I can do to get myself over this? Thanks for reading.
Ally Boo Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Well, next time you see her, you'll have something to talk to her about. "Hey... hows that rabbit?"
Suiyobi Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I've always been quite a shy person, which I guess stems from being outspoken a lot when I was younger. I find it near impossible to go up and talk to a girl in a bar or club when I’m out with friends, even when said girl is giving positive signs like smiling over at me, etc. Up until now I've always had the background comfort idea that "I’ll wait for a girl to come up to me", and whilst that was a failed tactic, it’s always kept me happy enough. Until yesterday. I left the gym midday and I see what I could only describe as one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen (just for information sake she was about 20-21, I’m 22). Naturally there’s no chance I'm going over to talk to her, but something strange happens while I’m waiting at the traffic lights, she comes over and starts speaking to me. She had a box in her hands which had a rabbit in, asked me if I liked it, etc. Instead of doing the obvious thing and saying something like "aw, yeah, what's its name?" I just nervously babbled "yeah...." and then started walking. She said something along the lines of "ok, have a good day" to which I replied "you too" and promptly left. Within about 2 minutes I felt like the most ridiculous person on the planet. Here it was, the perfect opportunity to meet someone handed to me on a plate and I still couldn’t muster up the courage to properly speak to her. There’s being self conscious but surely this is just stupid. I've pretty much spent the past 24 hrs in deep regret, wishing I could turn back the clocks and not make such a balls up. I've been suffering from mild depression for a while and my doctor has referred me onto a councillor, so I’m hoping they'll be able to help me sort this out, but does anyone have any other ideas what I can do to get myself over this? Thanks for reading. It happens even to the best of us, man. This incident has taught you exactly where you stand as far as communicating with women (especially those who appear really hot and gorgeous to you). The only thing I can suggest is read self-help books on gaining confidence and interacting with people. But of course, reading and studying isn't going to be effective without any practical experience, so yes, that means actually having to go out there and actually TALK to people. There's no easy way around it, but I guarantee you that if you take the time to improve then you certainly will overcome your shyness.
Author jon3105 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 Thanks for the advice guys. The situation has definatly opened my eyes up, feeling the regret I do I cant imagine I'll let an opportunity like that slip again, so atleast its taught me something if nothing else. Fingers crossed il bump into her again at some point and not make such an ass of myself. I'l look into the books and give them ago.
Lovelybird Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I think on what you build confidence is very important, some people build their confidence in their performance, some in their looks, some in their wealthy....but those things are flaky I know a good book, if you are interested, here it is How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny by Joyce Meyer Confidence : Freedom to Be Yourself by Joyce Meyer
Riley Freeman Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I've always been quite a shy person, which I guess stems from being outspoken a lot when I was younger. I find it near impossible to go up and talk to a girl in a bar or club when I’m out with friends, even when said girl is giving positive signs like smiling over at me, etc. Up until now I've always had the background comfort idea that "I’ll wait for a girl to come up to me", and whilst that was a failed tactic, it’s always kept me happy enough. how...look at you currently are you happy. no you aren't.......its a self destructing tactic and a way out of doing something you really want too. Until yesterday. I left the gym midday and I see what I could only describe as one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen (just for information sake she was about 20-21, I’m 22). Naturally there’s no chance I'm going over to talk to her, but something strange happens while I’m waiting at the traffic lights, she comes over and starts speaking to me. thats nice She had a box in her hands which had a rabbit in, asked me if I liked it, etc. Instead of doing the obvious thing and saying something like "aw, yeah, what's its name?" I just nervously babbled "yeah...." and then started walking. She said something along the lines of "ok, have a good day" to which I replied "you too" and promptly left. a random girl comes up too you with a rabbit in a box and ask you do you like it? well i would certify her as a weirdo, but you should have flirted with her. talk to her about the rabbit pet it, and ask her "ohhh you like rabbits huh" and go from there Within about 2 minutes I felt like the most ridiculous person on the planet. Here it was, the perfect opportunity to meet someone handed to me on a plate and I still couldn’t muster up the courage to properly speak to her. There’s being self conscious but surely this is just stupid. yes it is I've pretty much spent the past 24 hrs in deep regret, wishing I could turn back the clocks and not make such a balls up. I've been suffering from mild depression for a while and my doctor has referred me onto a councillor, so I’m hoping they'll be able to help me sort this out, but does anyone have any other ideas what I can do to get myself over this? man up and take the chances. you dont get many chancs hell we all get few chances, make them count Thanks for reading. ............................
georgejungle Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 i think we put too much pressure on it and too much expectation and too much HYPE on things like that, when we're shy and quiet (and trying to break out of it). As soon as a cute girl says "Hi" we immediately go into shock, the nerves go crazy, the blood pressure skyrockets and any molecule of self confidence goes in the dumpster. Seems like you wanted to get away from that situation SO bad. So you got the heck out of there. But why were you so afraid of her? What was so scary about her? What was so scary about the situtaion? I'm sure, nothing. i have no idea WHY it happens. It TOTALLY used to happen to me. I'm over it now. I'm still shy at times, but i realize that a super gorgeous, pretty girl is just a girl, just another human like me. Don't build it up so much. Don't let your mind race and have 10,000 thoughts racing thru your head before you even get to talk to her. Don't go thru the millions of things that could go wrong. There's nothing really that could go wrong if you just BE Yourself. It's kinda like: Don't think about the 5K race coming up tomorrow. Is it worth it to worry if i'm going to win or not, No. Because i'm sure i'll do fine. And who cares if i don't win, i shouldn't let it keep me up all night and make me feel like crap. only to make me sleep terribly and then do poorly cuz i didn't sleep. And will it ruin me if i don't win? No. Because i will have had fun just LIVING, experiencing it all. Doing my best and just Living. In other words, seeing a pretty girl coming up, don't put so much pressure there to "perform", to "act cool", like this is the ONLY moment you'll ever have to make yourself look good...just be yourself and CHILL OUT. Stay cool. Stay calm. Take it all in, have fun just meeting a new person. There's no reason to get anxious or scared. I mean this girl may not even be your type. You won't know unless you hang around and Be Yourself. Don't treat it as THIS COULD BE THE GIRL. Just treat it as meeting a cute new friend. Things will fall into place on their own, dude. No Worries.
Throne Of Lies Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Don't get wrapped around the axle about this one girl. Unfortunately for our counterparts, gorgeous women are far, far more common than good men. Confidence is one of the few personality traits that can actually be permanently changed, so that is more good news for you. Do this- walk everywhere. If it is close, and you would normally drive, walk. On your way there, smile, no, BEAM at everyone you see. Stand up straight and meet them square on when you do it. It will feel weird for a long time- because even though it is obviously friendly, it is also very confrontational. Just get used to dumping out positive energy all over people. They will eat it up and you will have to change cell phone plans to accommodate all the women calling you. For serious. It happened to me.
yongyong Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 It's easy to just talk to girls at the bar. Because you are not looking for serious relationship anyway n if you get blown, there is more supply But I find that when I see someone totally my type, I become speechless. Because I don't want to mess up and it makes me just shut my mouth........ you can start working on it by talking to girls at the bar (ugly chick, fat chick, or even guys, it doesn't matter)
TooLittleTooLate Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 one name my friend: David DeAngelo. One of the worlds top dating guru's, he released tons of DVD's on everything about attracting women. Approaching, flirting, dating, body language, sex. Even self help stuff like being a mature confident man that naturally attracts women, and a DVD series on beginner psychology with a psychologist guest speaker. Lots of good stuff. Other sources to check out are Neil Strauss, Joseph Matthews, James Brito all released books on seduction and attraction.
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