Gala Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I am seriously struggling after the very disappointing end to what I thought was becoming a romantic relationship. A close longtime friend had initiated a liaison, freaked out and changed direction in the middle, then wouldn't address what had happened. He hasn't had many relationships, and I never entirely understood why. Now I do - after some belated exchanges with him. I've also spent quite a bit of time reading up on avoidance behavior, which I've never been aware of as a category. But it is often a sign of damage - big damage. It can be part of PTSD, among other problems. I also understand better why this guy is underemployed, and just hasn't moved ahead in his life in other ways. He has worked on his problems in therapy in the past, but the way he behaved with me in this instance suggests that his progress has been marginal. It had seemed for a couple of years like things were gradually shifting toward romance. Now, the friendship is badly damaged. I have lost my trust and respect for him. We are not kids, and this is not simply a need to grow up. It's a pathological fear of rejection that causes all kinds of blockages. For some, the distractions used to avoid can include drugs and/or alcohol. I initiated N/C a little over a week ago, and let him know that I needed to create space in my life for someone who is romantically available. While we were on the phone, what was happening did start to hit him. I could hear him catching his breath, and this helped me feel a little better. But I am so unspeakably angry. I don't give my heart easily, and it is so hard to have opened to him and then had this denied. I get enough attention from other men that there is something really ironic about my heartbreak at the hands of this underachiever. In my better moments, I hear the James Gang's "Walk Away" in my head when I think about all this (Tesla's also done it, and quite well). But it is grey this morning, again. Anyway...I am interested in anyone's experiences with a profound inability to deal that resembles what I've described here.
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