Author CharlesFarley Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 You're being entirely self-involved. If there's no big reason that you HAVE to get married on a particular day (like you're here on a greencard and you'll get kicked out of the country tomorrow if you don't get married or something), then there would be no reason for you to ask her if she would do it on a day that would mean she would have to ditch out on a function that is important to her, that she's been planning for a long time, that you knew about in advance. You would have no reason to be asking her to make a choice when you could just wait until the next day to ask her. The other posters are right; you are playing games that don't need to be played because you're insecure. "Do you love me THIS much? Do you love me more than THAT?" She's said she DOES want to marry you, so what's your problem? Why is doing it immediately when YOU want to do it any proof of her love for you? It's more like proof of how selfish and inconsiderate you are that you'd force her to make a sacrifice to pass a little test of yours. "If I want this RIGHT NOW and you don't, that means I love you more than you love me, waaah!" Grow up, seriously. As an analogy, let's say her best friend was having a birthday party. And she had bought a present, helped make the preparations, and you knew all about this in advance. And the night of the party, you suddenly come up to her and say, "Honey, what if I said I want to take you out to a special dinner tonight because I love you so much. Just you and me, I think it would be spontaneous and romantic. Right now. Would you do it?" And she says, "Um, I would love to, but you know that my best friend's party is tonight, so can we do it tomorrow?" Would you get all insecure about how she must not really love you if she doesn't think you're more important than her friend? That's pretty much what you're doing, and it's childish. Actually your whole post is childish. Did I do something to personally insult you to warrant your lashback-reply because you don't agree with my choice in a specific scenario in MY life that has literally no bearing on yours? So I was insecure and popped a hypathetical. Sue me. It doesn't make me childish to want to know or feel something from her at any given point. I admitted it was silly of me to do that. But I am not childish. Insecure? Maybe. But I'm no more insecure than anyone that posts here. I also came here for help, not insults.
Author CharlesFarley Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 Dumbest post ever. What are you, 16 years old? Of course she shouldn't cancel long standing plans in a heartbeat because you wake up and say 'marry me today'! She has a life, for God's sake - and anyway she is intelligent enough to know that you can't just rock up and get a licence and get a booking and get a dress etc in one day - it's a stupid thing to say, so of course she didnt take it seriously . You sound like a little child having a tantrum-self centred and extremely immature...I'm not usually harsh like this when I post, but this is such a ridiculous post tht I couldn't help it. You're not usually harsh, just on occasion? A reply isn't even worthy of this, but I'll say it anyway since my feelings are being discussed in this thread. If you have nothing constructive or helpful to say, don't say it.
Lauriebell82 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 You're not usually harsh, just on occasion? A reply isn't even worthy of this, but I'll say it anyway since my feelings are being discussed in this thread. If you have nothing constructive or helpful to say, don't say it. Loveshack is not always a place for posters to agree with you. Often there is much negative criticism, however it can be helpful in that it can give you a wake up call as to what kind of behavior you are displaying. You have been given some constructive feedback here, however take that as you will, for we don't know your relationship. We are just going by what you are telling us. I'm sorry you feel as though you weren't helped.
lovestruck818 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 OP, she probably wants the real proposal, ring, plan the wedding together...that whole thing. It's a big deal to just get up one day and be like "let's go get married." For one, I would want all the people I care about there to spend my special day with me. As much as she loves you, that is just unrealistic.
Author CharlesFarley Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 Loveshack is not always a place for posters to agree with you. Often there is much negative criticism, however it can be helpful in that it can give you a wake up call as to what kind of behavior you are displaying. You have been given some constructive feedback here, however take that as you will, for we don't know your relationship. We are just going by what you are telling us. I'm sorry you feel as though you weren't helped. It's not about agreeing it's about the manner in which some of the people are providing feedback. I'm in alot of pain right now and the last thing I need to do is come on here and get even more sick by reading some persons sarcastic and insulting opinions. I respect everything you said and everything everyone else said. I did get some answers and I did learn something in here. I'm giving her time to be alone and hopefully she'll still need and want me sooner than later.
Author CharlesFarley Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 OP, she probably wants the real proposal, ring, plan the wedding together...that whole thing. It's a big deal to just get up one day and be like "let's go get married." For one, I would want all the people I care about there to spend my special day with me. As much as she loves you, that is just unrealistic. Yeah I get that already. A little late now.
lovestruck818 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Yeah I get that already. A little late now. wow....ever think maybe she didn't want to marry you b/c you're a bit...feisty? jeez, sorry for trying to help...
carhill Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Difficult and complex. I know the breed well. I really need to remove the mirror in the bathroom OP, post #6 might seem superfluous, but there's a lot of wisdom in those words, especially the part about time. Time is an interesting thing. Discover it.
Jilly Bean Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Charles, the more I read, the more I think you are both severely co-dependent. This relationship doesn't have many healthy parts to it. But I don't think you see that. You seem to be blinded by this NEED to be with her. NOT good. She's pretty manipulative, and you are easily manipulated. But, what's more disturbing, is that you seem to have little backbone. You admit to making mistakes all along, yet you still aren't seeing the ones in front of you. Little things you say tell me how wrong this relationship is. ie - your comment about her being the one to want to have more kids. Honestly, I think she was looking for a quick and convenient baby Daddy. You filled that. Then, the fighting, and your submissive nature have turned her off. But, rather than see her/the relationship for how flawed it is, you are just praying she takes you back. I don't get it. It seems to glaring to me.
Shygirl15 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 [COLOR=#606420]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1780816#post1780816[/COLOR]
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Anyway, she seperated from me. It's done. She said she couldn't hack the arguing and stuck a fork in it. I don't care what anyone says or thinks about me but I really love this Woman good or bad and unconditionally. She's really hurt and upset right now at the constant fighting over silly things and she said she needs time to re-evaluate things. I'm not stupid I know what that means. It means my chances of ever seeing the light of day in a relationship with her is slim-to-none at this point. She told me it wasn't completely my fault and that she felt like we were both incompatible and argued too much Case in point--why one should not rush into marriage! I agree that some people are being pretty harsh toward you, but I think what everyone is saying is true. You're being silly and immature, and I'd be shocked if that wasn't related to all the arguments you've been having. I think this is probably for the best though--you need some time be be alone and do some self-discovery--no more jumping from relationship to relationship immediately after the previous one ends!
Recommended Posts