Marriage Proposals

[CharlesFarley]

Ok... so I've discussed this with my girl-friend several times now and every time we talk about the idea of getting married both of our faces light up with a glow and smiles. Followed by a "Yes, I would love to Marry you". So we've been saying that to each other for several months now without the actual "deed" taking place. Well this morning I decided to test something and ask her... "Let's go get Married today!"... she laughed at first, then smiled from ear to ear and started saying things like "Are you crazy, we don't have the money for that right now" and "I've got an appointment today that I can't miss" (It's a big event). I then said to her "Well so what your saying is you wouldn't drop everything to marry me if I'm completely genuine here?" she then replied "No baby, I can't break my appointment as it's been planned for a while now and people depend on me". Understood she does have a pretty important event. But it's not like the people can't do this event without her. She then became defensive and started rambling on about "Oh I guess you think I don't love you now, and that I don't love you as much?" I replied... "You don't know what I'm thinking... but I would be willing to drop anything right now and Marry you!... so in return I would expect you to feel the same". It's true, am I wrong for having that expectation?

 

Does her negative response mean that she doesn't really love me enough to drop plans to get married to me?

[CaliGuy]

Ok... so I've discussed this with my girl-friend several times now and every time we talk about the idea of getting married both of our faces light up with a glow and smiles. Followed by a "Yes, I would love to Marry you". So we've been saying that to each other for several months now without the actual "deed" taking place. Well this morning I decided to test something and ask her... "Let's go get Married today!"... she laughed at first, then smiled from ear to ear and started saying things like "Are you crazy, we don't have the money for that right now" and "I've got an appointment today that I can't miss" (It's a big event). I then said to her "Well so what your saying is you wouldn't drop everything to marry me if I'm completely genuine here?" she then replied "No baby, I can't break my appointment as it's been planned for a while now and people depend on me". Understood she does have a pretty important event. But it's not like the people can't do this event without her. She then became defensive and started rambling on about "Oh I guess you think I don't love you now, and that I don't love you as much?" I replied... "You don't know what I'm thinking... but I would be willing to drop anything right now and Marry you!... so in return I would expect you to feel the same". It's true, am I wrong for having that expectation?

 

Does her negative response mean that she doesn't really love me enough to drop plans to get married to me?

 

You do understand that "testing" her in this fashion without actually having a ring comes off as you not being very confident? The questions you asked were worded in a very insecure way.

 

If you love her and want to marry her, buy a ring and ASK her. Stop playing games with her heart!

 

Sheesh!

[oceangrl]

Not at all, shes just being very realistic. And she knows you were just playfully commenting on marriage...i'm sure if you really asked her, she would say yes.

[Shygirl15]

You do understand that "testing" her in this fashion without actually having a ring comes off as you not being very confident? The questions you asked were worded in a very insecure way.

 

If you love her and want to marry her, buy a ring and ASK her. Stop playing games with her heart!

 

Sheesh!

 

Exactly what I thought.

[Jilly Bean]

Charles - you separated a few months ago from a woman you lived with for 7 years, moved in with this new woman after dating for two weeks because you needed an apartment and a new place to live, you posted this weekend about how much you two fight and how horrid the fights are and how you are considering ending it, and now you are asking her to marry you?

 

Yeesh.

[carhill]

OP, ask her again in a year and that time have a ring

[Trialbyfire]

You do understand that "testing" her in this fashion without actually having a ring comes off as you not being very confident? The questions you asked were worded in a very insecure way.

 

If you love her and want to marry her, buy a ring and ASK her. Stop playing games with her heart!

 

Sheesh!

Bingo! Either do it or don't bother. It's a real tease when people mess with others emotionally.

[HokeyReligions]

"You don't know what I'm thinking... but I would be willing to drop anything right now and Marry you!... so in return I would expect you to feel the same". It's true, am I wrong for having that expectation?

 

Does her negative response mean that she doesn't really love me enough to drop plans to get married to me?

 

Um, yes for the top and no for the bottom.

 

(1) Quit playing childish games - your whole post screams that you are not near ready for marriage.

 

(2) You expect her to 'feel' the same and in the same breath you tell her she doesn't know what you are thinking. Um, Hello? Her reaction has NOTHING to do with her feelings about you.

 

Just as you have preset wishes for how you would like your life to be - so does she. Just because you are willing to drop everything doesn't mean that because she has a different sense of priorities and responsibilities she doesn't feel the same way.

 

Seriously - you are not ready and need to do some growing and maturing first.

[Ally Boo]

Hokey!!! I was wondering if you still came around here! lol

 

Ok back on subject...

 

Proof is in the pudding baby.

 

Don't get upset because she didn't give you a green light.

 

A proposal isn't a proposal without a ring.

[Lauriebell82]

Wow, if only all guys were this eager to marry!!! (just kidding)

 

Anyway, I agree with the others that you are clearly not ready for marriage. Getting all worked up because she reacted in surprise at your "shotgun propose" is probaby not a good idea if you are considered marrying this girl. I read what Jilly Bean posted, so if all that is true I think you are moving wwwaaayyy too fast and marriage shouldn't even be on the table right now.

 

How long have you been together? If it has only been a few months then let the infatuation wear off then see if you are ready for a spur of the moment wedding ceremony.

 

Oh and if you do propose, please get her a ring and propose in the right way. I want to get married, and even I would be put off by a guy asking me to get married today. (and if you were just testing her anyway, that wasn't the best way to go about it.)

[CharlesFarley]

You do understand that "testing" her in this fashion without actually having a ring comes off as you not being very confident? The questions you asked were worded in a very insecure way.

 

If you love her and want to marry her, buy a ring and ASK her. Stop playing games with her heart!

 

Sheesh!

 

Well honestly that wasn't my intention.

 

Still doesn't answer my question either.

[CharlesFarley]

Charles - you separated a few months ago from a woman you lived with for 7 years, moved in with this new woman after dating for two weeks because you needed an apartment and a new place to live, you posted this weekend about how much you two fight and how horrid the fights are and how you are considering ending it, and now you are asking her to marry you?

 

Yeesh.

 

I honestly didn't come in here to get "judged" and "butchered" with comments like this. I'm hurting in a relationship and all I wanted to do was come some place to get some advice without someone making me feel like "sh_t" about the good and bad choices I made in a relationship I am now in. I can't look back, I can only look ahead and try and solve this. I love this woman, and I've known her since I was a kid. Forget the 7-year relationship, that was done by my choice. It's not like I was hurting in that 7-year relationship and then rebounded off to someone else. I actually fell in love with this *new* woman. Only we're both having some serious problems right now.

 

So what I'm trying to do is come in here and get some opinions on hypathetical responses, and if this is indeed love or something that won't work. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone. Or people. To try and get feedback on things so you can stand back and review your situation. I know I made the silly choice of moving in with this woman too soon. I also am aware that we fight alot. But I'm trying to make a decision here based on the mixed emotions. I love her enough to work through it. But I can't stay with her if she doesn't love me back. So thats the advice I need here. Or at least some tips and ideas on how I can handle this without going nuts.

[CharlesFarley]

Um, yes for the top and no for the bottom.

 

(1) Quit playing childish games - your whole post screams that you are not near ready for marriage.

 

(2) You expect her to 'feel' the same and in the same breath you tell her she doesn't know what you are thinking. Um, Hello? Her reaction has NOTHING to do with her feelings about you.

 

Just as you have preset wishes for how you would like your life to be - so does she. Just because you are willing to drop everything doesn't mean that because she has a different sense of priorities and responsibilities she doesn't feel the same way.

 

Seriously - you are not ready and need to do some growing and maturing first.

 

I am sure I do. I don't deny insecurities, we all have them! I guess that does answer my question then. So because she didn't drop everything to run off and get hitched, that doesn't mean she doesn't love me. Check, got it. Is that it though?

[CharlesFarley]

Wow, if only all guys were this eager to marry!!! (just kidding)

 

Anyway, I agree with the others that you are clearly not ready for marriage. Getting all worked up because she reacted in surprise at your "shotgun propose" is probaby not a good idea if you are considered marrying this girl. I read what Jilly Bean posted, so if all that is true I think you are moving wwwaaayyy too fast and marriage shouldn't even be on the table right now.

 

How long have you been together? If it has only been a few months then let the infatuation wear off then see if you are ready for a spur of the moment wedding ceremony.

 

Oh and if you do propose, please get her a ring and propose in the right way. I want to get married, and even I would be put off by a guy asking me to get married today. (and if you were just testing her anyway, that wasn't the best way to go about it.)

 

She and I talk about Marriage in a fun and realistic manner as "We plan to do it one day". So it's not as though I was testing her, or popping the question without a ring. I guess everyone else in this thread completely missed my point. I was just saying that for me if a woman would rather go to a function then get married to someone they claim to love (IF I WAS 100% SERIOUS AND HAD A RING) then it seemed a bit hurtful to me that she didn't appear more enthusiastic about it or responsed better. She could have said "If you really want to get Married I'll do it, because I want to Marry you and Love you. But I still need to somehow meet my commitment today". Instead I got "No, I need to go out to this function" with a vibe of "it's more important than you". Insecurity? I don't think so. That was not a good response from here. We're both adults and she claims to want to Marry me anytime, so I wasn't off-beat on this one. Nor was I wrong to theorize the idea of getting Married. I'm just saying I didn't like the resonse and Iam trying to gauge whether or not she said it because she doesn't love me, or because she really wasn't ready.

[Jilly Bean]

I honestly didn't come in here to get "judged" and "butchered" with comments like this. I'm hurting in a relationship and all I wanted to do was come some place to get some advice without someone making me feel like "sh_t" about the good and bad choices I made in a relationship I am now in. I can't look back, I can only look ahead and try and solve this. I love this woman, and I've known her since I was a kid. Forget the 7-year relationship, that was done by my choice. It's not like I was hurting in that 7-year relationship and then rebounded off to someone else. I actually fell in love with this *new* woman. Only we're both having some serious problems right now.

 

So what I'm trying to do is come in here and get some opinions on hypathetical responses, and if this is indeed love or something that won't work. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone. Or people. To try and get feedback on things so you can stand back and review your situation. I know I made the silly choice of moving in with this woman too soon. I also am aware that we fight alot. But I'm trying to make a decision here based on the mixed emotions. I love her enough to work through it. But I can't stay with her if she doesn't love me back. So thats the advice I need here. Or at least some tips and ideas on how I can handle this without going nuts.

 

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. I wasnt trying to butcher nor judge you. No one can make you feel like crap unless they are pointing out the obvious that you already know to be true, however.

 

BUT, you came here looking for advice about a relationship in which you ended a 7-year relationship, shortly later moved in with a woman after two weeks of casual dating because you said she made you move in with her, and you just went along with it. You then shared how much you are fighting and concerned about that and the longevity of the relationship. OK, so we/I gave you advice on that and how to proceed.

 

Then, two days later, you post that you proposed?

 

Charles, if you can't see the inherent problems in all of this, then I'm not sure any advice is going to help. If I were you, I'd be VERY wary of someone who pushes you to move in together after two weeks of casual dating. That is an action of a woman who just wants to be with ANYONE, and has little concern about who it is. She, IMO, is just looking for someone to fill a role in her life, and is not that worried about too much else. If I were her, I'd be very wary of someone who can be so easily led by my direction and who was playing testing games of my affections.

 

It just doesn't seem like you are taking the time to stop, analyze your actions and act in your own best interest.

 

You contradict yourself so much in what you post here about what you feel, and also in your actions.

 

You wrote that you know you made a mistake in moving in with her and that you are displeased you fight a lot. So, shouldn't the concern be what YOU want, and what YOU think is best? Instead, you turn this around to be about worrying if she loves you or not, since she didn't drop everything for a hypothetical elopement.

 

Like I said earlier, I think you fear being alone more than you do being in a horrible relationship.

 

So, to answer your question, I don't think either of you love each other in any genuine, healthy or legitimate fashion, but I do think you are together for co-dependent needs and fears of being alone.

[vonerik012]

I am a little confused. Did you really want to marry her thats exact day?

 

Or were you just playfully asking, but then getting mad about her answer?

 

If it's the latter, I really don't understand at all.

[Zofia]

You're being entirely self-involved. If there's no big reason that you HAVE to get married on a particular day (like you're here on a greencard and you'll get kicked out of the country tomorrow if you don't get married or something), then there would be no reason for you to ask her if she would do it on a day that would mean she would have to ditch out on a function that is important to her, that she's been planning for a long time, that you knew about in advance. You would have no reason to be asking her to make a choice when you could just wait until the next day to ask her.

 

The other posters are right; you are playing games that don't need to be played because you're insecure. "Do you love me THIS much? Do you love me more than THAT?" She's said she DOES want to marry you, so what's your problem? Why is doing it immediately when YOU want to do it any proof of her love for you? It's more like proof of how selfish and inconsiderate you are that you'd force her to make a sacrifice to pass a little test of yours. "If I want this RIGHT NOW and you don't, that means I love you more than you love me, waaah!" Grow up, seriously.

 

As an analogy, let's say her best friend was having a birthday party. And she had bought a present, helped make the preparations, and you knew all about this in advance. And the night of the party, you suddenly come up to her and say, "Honey, what if I said I want to take you out to a special dinner tonight because I love you so much. Just you and me, I think it would be spontaneous and romantic. Right now. Would you do it?" And she says, "Um, I would love to, but you know that my best friend's party is tonight, so can we do it tomorrow?" Would you get all insecure about how she must not really love you if she doesn't think you're more important than her friend? That's pretty much what you're doing, and it's childish.

[Lauriebell82]

I was just saying that for me if a woman would rather go to a function then get married to someone they claim to love (IF I WAS 100% SERIOUS AND HAD A RING) then it seemed a bit hurtful to me that she didn't appear more enthusiastic about it or responsed better. She could have said "If you really want to get Married I'll do it, because I want to Marry you and Love you. But I still need to somehow meet my commitment today". Instead I got "No, I need to go out to this function" with a vibe of "it's more important than you". Insecurity? I don't think so.

 

That IS insecurity. She did say that she had to go to a function that day. Just because she didn't add reassurrance that "oh yeah I would have married you anyway today" thing you think she doesn't love you. That's not rational.

 

Nor was I wrong to theorize the idea of getting Married. I'm just saying I didn't like the resonse and Iam trying to gauge whether or not she said it because she doesn't love me, or because she really wasn't ready.

 

Again, insecurity. If you have only known each other a few months, than I don't even think marriage should even be on the table right now. The impression that we are all getting is that you needed her to tell you that she would want to marry you on the same day you asked her, despite her prior committments. Maybe she doesn't think you need reassurance, and that her saying that she loves you and wants to marry you someday should be enough.

 

But judging from your other thread, I really think this shouldn't even be an issue right now, as it seems that you two have other things you need to work out then her reassuring you of her committment to marraige.

[torranceshipman]

Dumbest post ever. What are you, 16 years old? Of course she shouldn't cancel long standing plans in a heartbeat because you wake up and say 'marry me today'! She has a life, for God's sake - and anyway she is intelligent enough to know that you can't just rock up and get a licence and get a booking and get a dress etc in one day - it's a stupid thing to say, so of course she didnt take it seriously . You sound like a little child having a tantrum-self centred and extremely immature...I'm not usually harsh like this when I post, but this is such a ridiculous post tht I couldn't help it.

[Lauriebell82]

Dumbest post ever. What are you, 16 years old? Of course she shouldn't cancel long standing plans in a heartbeat because you wake up and say 'marry me today'! She has a life, for God's sake - and anyway she is intelligent enough to know that you can't just rock up and get a licence and get a booking and get a dress etc in one day - it's a stupid thing to say, so of course she didnt take it seriously . You sound like a little child having a tantrum-self centred and extremely immature...I'm not usually harsh like this when I post, but this is such a ridiculous post tht I couldn't help it.

 

I'm not a harsh poster and I even think that the OP has some disorganized thinking here. I mean seriously, who drops everything to get married on the same day they are asked..and it turns out to be a joke!

 

This screams insecurity, I really suggest that you be single for awhile CF. I think you have some issues that need to be worked out, and any relationship you get in right now is not going to be a healthy one. Get your head straight and get over some of your insecurities.

[CharlesFarley]

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. I wasnt trying to butcher nor judge you. No one can make you feel like crap unless they are pointing out the obvious that you already know to be true, however.

 

I appreciate that, thank you.

 

BUT, you came here looking for advice about a relationship in which you ended a 7-year relationship, shortly later moved in with a woman after two weeks of casual dating because you said she made you move in with her, and you just went along with it. You then shared how much you are fighting and concerned about that and the longevity of the relationship. OK, so we/I gave you advice on that and how to proceed.

 

Then, two days later, you post that you proposed?

 

I admit it was silly. But she and I both know that it was a hypathetical "What if we got married today, really got married.. how you would feel about that yada yada". Thats not uncommon for couples to discuss or theorize about. Seen in lots. But I do understand that I shouldn't be testing her with feelings, that IS imature and probably stems from my insecurities with her. But I still love her.

 

Charles, if you can't see the inherent problems in all of this, then I'm not sure any advice is going to help. If I were you, I'd be VERY wary of someone who pushes you to move in together after two weeks of casual dating. That is an action of a woman who just wants to be with ANYONE, and has little concern about who it is. She, IMO, is just looking for someone to fill a role in her life, and is not that worried about too much else. If I were her, I'd be very wary of someone who can be so easily led by my direction and who was playing testing games of my affections.

 

As I said above I was being silly by "testing" her with a hypathetical marriage notion. I didn't do it deliberately, I genuinely felt insecure with her telling me that she wants to Marry me and have Kids with me after spending 6 months living with me and then become hesitant about it. So I was right in the "doubt" from her reaction, but I was wrong to test.

 

Moving onward.

 

It just doesn't seem like you are taking the time to stop, analyze your actions and act in your own best interest.

 

You contradict yourself so much in what you post here about what you feel, and also in your actions.

 

You wrote that you know you made a mistake in moving in with her and that you are displeased you fight a lot. So, shouldn't the concern be what YOU want, and what YOU think is best? Instead, you turn this around to be about worrying if she loves you or not, since she didn't drop everything for a hypothetical elopement.

 

Because I *DO* love this Woman. Whether she loves me back or not is the ticket here. But you're right Jilly... there was nothing negative about her reaction considering it was a hypathetical.

 

Like I said earlier, I think you fear being alone more than you do being in a horrible relationship.

 

So, to answer your question, I don't think either of you love each other in any genuine, healthy or legitimate fashion, but I do think you are together for co-dependent needs and fears of being alone.

 

You are right and I think I admitted it in earlier posts. I am afraid of living alone. I was alone before and I became to used to it and didn't trust women enough to have relationships with them. Now I'm in the "Relationship" mindset and actually LOVE this Woman, especially considering our history together.

 

It's too late though, she dumped me. I've spent the last 72 hours talking things out with her only for her to tell me "It's Done, It's Done". Tonight she actually admitted that she still has feelings for me and still loves me deeply but she can't do anything right now. She wants time. I had no choice but to pack my things from the Rancher we rented together and sleep on my parents 4ft long Sofa (I'm 6'2) in a cramped little apartment in which my folks are against to begin with. So I'm not having any fun here, and I hurt like a mutha right now! I've had my fair share of tears too. Dried right out now. BUT I still love this Woman and I don't want to give up so I'm giving her the time she has requested in hopes she'll realize what she lost.

[CharlesFarley]

I am a little confused. Did you really want to marry her thats exact day?

 

I would Marry any minute if time and money weren't issues. But it was only a hypathetical and she knew it.

 

Or were you just playfully asking, but then getting mad about her answer?

 

It was a hypathetical and I was upset because she didn't agree with dropping things to ACTUALLY get Married to me. It sounded like she didn't really want to and the enthusiasm was there as it was before. Something shifted or changed and it upset me and we both overreacted.

 

If it's the latter, I really don't understand at all.

 

Whats not to understand? I asked her a hypathetical question about Marriage to see how she would respond to the idea. She responded negatively to it (or so it seemed at the time) and I got upset. I learned now that it wasn't something I should've gotten upset about.

[CharlesFarley]

I'm not a harsh poster and I even think that the OP has some disorganized thinking here. I mean seriously, who drops everything to get married on the same day they are asked..and it turns out to be a joke!

 

This screams insecurity, I really suggest that you be single for awhile CF. I think you have some issues that need to be worked out, and any relationship you get in right now is not going to be a healthy one. Get your head straight and get over some of your insecurities.

 

It wasn't a prank, or a joke. It was a hypathetical question and she knew it wasn't serious but more of a "How do you feel about that idea?" There is nothing wrong with me asking that. I didn't do it to hurt her. She didn't take as I was trying to hurt her. She just responded with less enthusiasm about it and I was stunned by that response. We agreed to disagree.

 

So can I please stop getting "slammed" here for trying to seek help. I admitted that I have insecurities but so do all of you. I wouldn't judge anyone for it and if someone came on here and needed advice I wouldn't "egg" them for my disagreements on how they handle their own situation. I would try and offer some help.

 

Anyway, she seperated from me. It's done. She said she couldn't hack the arguing and stuck a fork in it. I don't care what anyone says or thinks about me but I really love this Woman good or bad and unconditionally. She's really hurt and upset right now at the constant fighting over silly things and she said she needs time to re-evaluate things. I'm not stupid I know what that means. It means my chances of ever seeing the light of day in a relationship with her is slim-to-none at this point. She told me it wasn't completely my fault and that she felt like we were both incompatible and argued too much

 

She said she was done the last 2 days, and then after she had time to calm down with me out of the picture for a day or so she admitted that without any guarantees she just really needs time to herself. She's put a wall up and won't give me any real concrete hopes. She doesn't want to lead me on. But after she could see how much I expressed my love for her and that I don't plan on giving up she put things on "Hold" without telling me to "frick" right off. She's giving me the affection to back up the notion that she's still in love with me, or "loves me". Im hoping that she is and she realizes it as I'm out of her life, because I really don't want to lose her. She means alot to me. I see where things went wrong and I know we can fix our relationship.

 

Thats where things are now. I hope someone (without slapping me some more) can offer me some advice from this point.

[Jilly Bean]

Wow! That was kinda out of left field! I mean, I didn't see her ending it.

 

I'm sorry. I do believe you love her, and I do understand your hurting. And not just because of the 4' couch...

 

Can you share more about her dating history? She seems rash in her decisions. Two weeks of dating, and she forces you to get a place with her. 6 months later, she's done from the fighting.

 

She just seems to make decisions without consideration of any consequences.

 

I know you want to get back together with her. But REALLY be honest with yourself - is that more because you are afraid of being alone, or because you can't live without her?

 

I think if you can stay away from her, get your own place, try being single and alone, it will be the best growing you will ever do.

[CharlesFarley]

Wow! That was kinda out of left field! I mean, I didn't see her ending it.

 

I'm sorry. I do believe you love her, and I do understand your hurting. And not just because of the 4' couch...

 

Yeah I've been in tears for the last 15 hours and I can't sleep or eat. I'm 32 so I only do that when no one is around. It's when I'm alone that it really hits me how hard I miss her.

 

Can you share more about her dating history? She seems rash in her decisions. Two weeks of dating, and she forces you to get a place with her. 6 months later, she's done from the fighting.

 

She just seems to make decisions without consideration of any consequences.

 

She is rash. In our arguments she doesn't tend to think before she says and usually says something hurtful (but in a defensive stance) and she follows the "eye-for-an-eye" trend. Hours later when our discussions calm down, or we're calm, she then admits to what she said and how she didn't mean it. Dating history, thats easy...

 

Her longest relationship was 3 years. Before me, she only saw men casually and lived alone for over 5 years with her Son. She didn't sleep around but she didn't have relationships either, just fun. When I came into the picture it seemed like she fell head over heals for me and couldn't stop watching me and she told me she loved me every day.

 

Try and remember before we got together we we're friends hanging out over 6 months ago. I would come over with friends and we socialize, listen to music, that sort of thing. Every discussion of more kids or marriage with her on a hypathetical... she was like "No way, I'm good where I am with my one boy" don't need anymore.

 

Then when she started to take interest in me (we cuddled outside a friends place on a cold night, then hit it off) we began expressing how we really felt about each other. One thing lead to another and next thing you know where living together and talking about getting married and having more kids (mostly her notion). I admit we jumped into things fast and I did find it a bit odd that she took me so quickly. But the fact is she didn't like relationships and definately DID NOT want to live with a man. She made that clear when we were friends. As soon as I came along she threw all standards out the window and dove for me.

 

I genuinely believe (as she said) she took a big risk with me and her heart on this one to do this relationship, let alone live with me because she never wanted that before. The arguing and it's high frequency probably scared her back into a rash decision of "Being Single Again". I know she loves me, but to what degree? I know she has no problems showing that she loves me, but what kind of love? She is a direct woman and she has no qualms about telling me what she's thinking. I'm just trying to filter through whats what and read her now.

 

I know you want to get back together with her. But REALLY be honest with yourself - is that more because you are afraid of being alone, or because you can't live without her?

 

I think it's a bit of both to be honest. But the thoughts of not watching her brush her hair in the mirrior, or how she rubs her feet together before she goes to sleep... or how she moves, smells, and looks.. how she looks at me and how she was so good to me (arguments aside).. and how much I love her kid just doesn't leave me much choice. I need her and want her. I love her. But when I give her this time alone, will she come back to me realizing she loves me, or will she give into her "Being Single" desires and insecurities and give up something that would be good for her in the long run. She admits that she shut down now, like many times before when other men hurt her.

 

I think if you can stay away from her, get your own place, try being single and alone, it will be the best growing you will ever do.

 

I agree, but given how much I love her and how the notion of being without her plagues me, I just don't want to give up on this. I've been forced to stay away from her until she's ready. She says she wants time. I'm going to take that, because before it was "Im done" and now she's considering things. But as she says, with no promises. So she's not leading me on. Thank god. She told me that I can keep the balance of my personal things at our Rancher, my Dog is there as well and she said she would take care of him until I arranged a new place or until she has had enough time to herself. She definately doesn't want me to live there. But she doesn't mind me keeping things there. I think if she was completely done with me, she would have told me (due to the hurt) that she wans all my stuff gone. Wouldn't she?

 

I'm still confused, but there is a glint of hope.