shadowplay Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 just taking it day by day. I don't know what the future holds, or how committed we are, but right now we're happy. I hesitate to call us bf and gf, although I know he considers me his, because I don't want to think in those terms right now and repeat old patterns. I also don't want to commit myself to a relationship right now because I'm not emotionally ready and don't think I can be faithful. He sent me this email: ....Anyhow, I wanted to express my apologies for being such a jerk. There is little excuse for my sudden curtness, and I don't fully understand why I pulled back from you. I think the ---- housing crunch has somehow made me sweat bullets about the whole ordeal. I am glad though that we will both be going to --- and getting our education and lives under control. I just want you to know that you are very dear to me and that you have enriched my life a great deal. Before I met you I didn't know what love was, but I think that has all changed because you kept an open mind about me. What we have is rare, I think, and I hope that despite our foibles we should be able to pull through and be happy with one another. I love you Shadow. You are closest person to me. You have gotten to know me better than anyone else and I am sorry when I push you away....... Love, M
Nevermind Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Does he know that you don't consider this a relationship? I hope you'll be happy. I can't say if this is the right way or not, but best to both of you.
Author shadowplay Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 Does he know that you don't consider this a relationship? I hope you'll be happy. I can't say if this is the right way or not, but best to both of you. We've agree to both take it slowly and not jump into anything. We're seeing each other less than we were before to keep things less intense. I don't know what he considers us because we haven't had a defining talk yet. I'm extremely hesistant to start anything serious up. Thanks for wishing us good luck. So far so good. I'm just trying to not expect much so I won't be disappointed.
Nevermind Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I didn't wish you luck, but happiness. Luck has everything to do with finding a partner, happiness with keeping them. You found this man quite a while ago. You don't need luck, but happiness. Within yourself and with him. Do not let the rules of other people blind you. Everything goes, as long as you and your partner both agree to your own ideas of moral and good conduct. If you're both up for casual dating, or an open relationship then that's good.That's why I asked.
Jilly Bean Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Shadow, what are you hoping will happen with him now? What's your projected, or hopeful outcome?
Art_Critic Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 What are you expecting to be different ?.. Did you speak with him about the changes that he has to make ? I'm all for 2nd chances, changes have to be made in order for them to work though and there needs to be a melding of the minds of the expectations of both people so they know what to expect of each other.
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Shadow, actions speak louder than words. Just because he says he's changed, doesn't mean he has. I don't know of ANYONE who can change behaviour habits so quickly.. Unless one is in therapy and working on themselves consciously, making tons of effort. Good luck though.
Author shadowplay Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 Jilly: I'm trying not to think in the long term. In fact I think the chances are slim that we have a long future. This is more about keeping a friendship connection (with some enjoyable sex on the side) while I go through a tough transition. I'm about to move and finish school. I don't want things to get serious with him again; I've told him that. We're only seeing each other a couple of times a week, going on fun dates. Art: I fully agree. I've told him what kind of behavior I won't tolerate. I think his cold side only comes out when things get serious...but we'll see. Neither of us is equipped for a full-blown relationship right now. WWIU: Thanks for your concern, and I agree that he hasn't changed. That's why I'm keeping things light.
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