On-line Dating

[Lookingforward]

I agree there can be good people online, as I too know people who met their spouses online as well, but I guess my argument is this...if someone is so great and wonderful then they should have no problems meeting people in the outside world. I'm not trying to put myself on a high horse or anything but I meet people all the time...on trains, lines for restaurants, at the post office, library, mall etc. etc. It's not really all that hard

 

It's not a matter of being "great and wonderful"... it's about finding someone you can "connect with" and online there is a FAR bigger pool of potentials..........

[Art_Critic]

I think that this stigma associated with it is probably worse than the situation is in real life,

 

I would agree.. and listen to lovestrucks viewpoint.. it supports that as well.. she thinks people are broken or something wrong with them because they are online dating and that just isn't true..

 

Certainly there are weirdos online or gold diggers or even prostitutes.. but that doesn't mean that most people who are online aren't real warm good people..

 

There are weirdos on the subway train or in the bars too and even in delis but that doesn't mean everyone you meet is a weirdo.

[lovestruck818]

I would agree.. and listen to lovestrucks viewpoint.. it supports that as well.. she thinks people are broken or something wrong with them because they are online dating and that just isn't true..

 

Certainly there are weirdos online or gold diggers or even prostitutes.. but that doesn't mean that most people who are online aren't real warm good people..

 

There are weirdos on the subway train or in the bars too and even in delis but that doesn't mean everyone you meet is a weirdo.

 

hah, no doubt are there weirdos in "real life" as well...but it's a lot harder to hide it in person...and as far as looks go, that is something you can't really hide in person. So as far as looks go, in person really what you see is what you get...

[Art_Critic]

but it's a lot harder to hide it in person...

 

I don't really think that is true.. a person doesn't fully drop their guard and show you who they really are until you have been together months..3-4 months in my experience..

You are right that the first impression is easier to fool someone online though..

 

That is why one must hone their dating skills to figure out online who is what.

[vonerik012]

I agree with both points of view..

 

Not everyone that dates online is flawed.

 

However, there are a lot more people who online date whom you would never see in public because they have some huge flaw.

[KinAZ]

Hah- and that's a whole other thing that gets me. A lot of shorter men seem to be self-conscious about it as if it is a bad thing. Maybe it's just me, but I LOVE short men. They are beautiful and being short is such a great thing, they should embrace it, not hate it. (Maybe I'm a little biased b/c I'm a short women, but honestly, short men are so cute!). Why is everyone hatin' on the shorties?

 

I prefer tall men. However, I have gone out with a couple of short guys before. One says he's my height on his Myspace, and yet... I can see over his head. It's pretty funny in a way, sad in another way because, a lot of guys who are REALLY short don't mind going out with taller women. Yet, the ones who are 6' tend to be the ones who have issues with taller women more often than the little ones. The little guy who can't see past your boobs when you wear heels only says "teeheehee", the one you can look in the eyes when you're wearing heels calls you an amazon.

[lovestruck818]

I don't really think that is true.. a person doesn't fully drop their guard and show you who they really are until you have been together months..3-4 months in my experience..

You are right that the first impression is easier to fool someone online though..

 

That is why one must hone their dating skills to figure out online who is what.

 

but who wants to sit there and be bothered with honing...I want to know right off the bat what I am getting into...it's easier to decipher that in person, IMO.

[Art_Critic]

but who wants to sit there and be bothered with honing...I want to know right off the bat what I am getting into...it's easier to decipher that in person, IMO.

 

 

It's nice that you have time to do that.. some of us don't...

 

Something to think about...

 

If you had wanted to meet me or someone like me,

Online is about the only way you could have..

[KinAZ]

There are weirdos on the subway train or in the bars too and even in delis but that doesn't mean everyone you meet is a weirdo.

 

Oh don't I know it! I guess I just imagine that the internet gives them more freedom to be weird. I wouldn't say that I'm on the fence when it comes to my opinion of the people who date online as I know a lot of people who are doing that now, and they're not weirdos (at least I wouldn't call them weird to anyone else). I guess I'm just wondering if it's worth the trouble they're going through. But... in the end it's probably just another option. Sort of like going to the clubs to meet guys. It's weird I guess because guys from clubs and bars are off limits to me now. In theory, men and women go to clubs for two entirely different reasons.

[lovestruck818]

It's nice that you have time to do that.. some of us don't...

 

Something to think about...

 

If you had wanted to meet me or someone like me,

Online is about the only way you could have..

 

hah well that's true but you live far away and have a wife and a baby...plus, I'm a youngin, sir.

[Capricciosa]

When you have left your 20s and 30s, you don't go out as much, you may have a job that's either solitary or time consuming, and your friends are not as available for socializing. Before online dating, I went out with a lot of different guys, and found them the old fashioned ways, in bars, on street corners, in class. Now I work mostly at home, get out a couple of times a month, and don't think meeting in the vegetable aisle is particularly illuminating, other than figuring out if someone is attractive or smells nice.

 

So online I have gone. I have met lots of guys, and most of them have been very nice, even if they were not ultimately for me. The other option would be to meet almost no one and decide that they were ultimately not for me. In whatever situation, it is hard to find someone to have a relationship with that will work and last.

 

I've had a few relationships, a few flings, and have even made some friends from my online forays. I would have never met any of them otherwise.

 

There's some flakiness online, for sure, but mostly it is just regular people trying to connect. You figure out the flakes, the players, the weirdos pretty early on. Of course if you're the type of person who thinks that only cads and liars are online, maybe it's really not for you. But don't be judging everyone else just because you can't give us the benefit of the doubt.

[vonerik012]

Online definitely is better for older women.

 

They don't go out as much.

 

They don't get hit on in public as much.

 

Ands they can get lots of attention if they make their profile sound more sexual.

 

However, does this translate to real relationships?

 

My father had me at a late age, and he is now 75. After my mother past away he went ballroom dancing, one time, and met his current girlfriend of 10 years. So if a 65 year old man can do it, why cant you?

 

Or, he could have been sitting behind a computer for 10 years going on 5000 bad dates.

[Capricciosa]

 

My father had me at a late age, and he is now 75. After my mother past away he went ballroom dancing, one time, and met his current girlfriend of 10 years. So if a 65 year old man can do it, why cant you?

 

Or, he could have been sitting behind a computer for 10 years going on 5000 bad dates.

 

Wow. There goes the judgement again. What's it to you how people meet?

[bigmanpayne]

If you don't living a small, isolated area... why would you pay for an online dating service? I can possibly understand some of the more expensive ones as they supposedly help you weed out all of the flirtly mcnasties, but what's the difference between dating online and just meeting people at the grocery store? Or benefit?

 

Does it seem better for shy people? Is it easier just knowing that everyone is there for the same reason?

 

Have any of you who use the dating sites ever tried speed dating and the like before?

 

I'm just curious because a LOT of people I know now are paying for these online dating sites. People who used to question my friendships with my online buddies are even looking for love in cyberspace! I have met people from the internet in person before. Things naturally progressed from online to phone to in person, and these are friendships I've maintained for a number of years.

 

And while I have one friend who met his wife online, they traveled hundreds of miles to see one another during the courting process, and are now married and expecting their second child together, many of the other experiences I've heard of were pretty bad! (People being strung along and such...)

 

So, for those of you who have tried it to make the comparison, what's the benefit?

 

there are some great FREE dating sites, why someone would pay - i'll never know.

[lovestruck818]

Online definitely is better for older women.

 

They don't go out as much.

 

They don't get hit on in public as much.

 

Ands they can get lots of attention if they make their profile sound more sexual.

 

However, does this translate to real relationships?

 

My father had me at a late age, and he is now 75. After my mother past away he went ballroom dancing, one time, and met his current girlfriend of 10 years. So if a 65 year old man can do it, why cant you?

 

Or, he could have been sitting behind a computer for 10 years going on 5000 bad dates.

 

You hit the nail on the head. Anything is possible. People just don't want to take the time to go out, dress up & meet people in public. It's not really all that hard...

[flc]

For me being recently divorced after 20 years of marriage online dating has worked pretty well. I work all day I have a teenage daughter I am raising and after 20 years of marriage I have very few single friends nor do I tend to do things single people do.

 

The problem with online dating is the search criteria which I think forces some people to stretch the truth. If you are 5'7" and 51 years old and you find that the people you are attracted to tend to cutoff their search at 50yo or 5'9" then do you leave things as is or do you at least try to get in the door. The profile is nothing more than a resume, you are not going to close the deal with it but you have no chance of closing the deal if you can't get in the door.

 

I have met two wonderful women through online dating that I am sure I would not have met otherwise. I am still seeing one of them. I have met a few crazies but those generally don't make it past the first couple of emails and never after the first meeting. It can work.

[lovestruck818]

For me being recently divorced after 20 years of marriage online dating has worked pretty well. I work all day I have a teenage daughter I am raising and after 20 years of marriage I have very few single friends nor do I tend to do things single people do.

 

The problem with online dating is the search criteria which I think forces some people to stretch the truth. If you are 5'7" and 51 years old and you find that the people you are attracted to tend to cutoff their search at 50yo or 5'9" then do you leave things as is or do you at least try to get in the door. The profile is nothing more than a resume, you are not going to close the deal with it but you have no chance of closing the deal if you can't get in the door.

 

I have met two wonderful women through online dating that I am sure I would not have met otherwise. I am still seeing one of them. I have met a few crazies but those generally don't make it past the first couple of emails and never after the first meeting. It can work.

 

It is great for older people who don't have the time. I can't see why anyone my age (26) would need to use online dating. I work 13-14 hour days, pay a mortgage, balance a social life and still have time to go out & meet people. What's the problem?

[flc]

Well, I will say even though I am 'older' I do remember being younger and some people don't have the self confidence to go up to a complete stranger, especially the opposite sex, and start a conversation. They may be perfectly nice people but they just don't know how to handle rejection in public. The privacy of online does allow you to get rejected without anyone watching.

[lovestruck818]

Well, I will say even though I am 'older' I do remember being younger and some people don't have the self confidence to go up to a complete stranger, especially the opposite sex, and start a conversation. They may be perfectly nice people but they just don't know how to handle rejection in public. The privacy of online does allow you to get rejected without anyone watching.

 

but rejection is a part of life and the reason why people don't have the confidence is b/c they are afraid of getting rejected. I have gotten rejected and humilated by men so many times in public that I am more confident than I have ever been in my life and I no longer give a crap whether I am rejected or not. Hiding behind a computer screen is what makes people have low self-esteem b/c they are afraid to face the real world and all the challenges it brings.

[Art_Critic]

It is great for older people who don't have the time. I can't see why anyone my age (26) would need to use online dating. I work 13-14 hour days, pay a mortgage, balance a social life and still have time to go out & meet people. What's the problem?

 

 

Remember LoveStruck that you yourself will one day be 30.. or 40..

30 is around the corner...

 

The older you get the more change happens in your life.. People go thru divorces and split friends then half those move away because they are living their life.

 

the more responsibility you pick up either thru children or work or just life...

 

When I was in my early 20's I had tons of friends and I had plenty of women to date..

I had just bought my first house and then 10 or so years later I found myself married.. married for what I thought was forever but my SO's mental illness had a way of getting in the way of the marriage so divorce was in the cards for me..

 

I would have never thought that at 39 I would be single and starting over again..

I was and it did happen except life got in the way and online dating is where I turned because there was no time for getting dates like when I was in my 20's..

Can you not see that ??.. it isn't that we sit at home alone.. we are just too busy because we grew up..

 

Just remember that you are young right now and you seem to be thinking there is something wrong with online dating...

I think you will feel differently in 10 years

[lovestruck818]

Remember LoveStruck that you yourself will one day be 30.. or 40..

30 is around the corner...

 

The older you get the more change happens in your life.. People go thru divorces and split friends then half those move away because they are living their life.

 

the more responsibility you pick up either thru children or work or just life...

 

When I was in my early 20's I had tons of friends and I had plenty of women to date..

I had just bought my first house and then 10 or so years later I found myself married.. married for what I thought was forever but my SO's mental illness had a way of getting in the way of the marriage so divorce was in the cards for me..

 

I would have never thought that at 39 I would be single and starting over again..

I was and it did happen except life got in the way and online dating is where I turned because there was no time for getting dates like when I was in my 20's..

Can you not see that ??.. it isn't that we sit at home alone.. we are just too busy because we grew up..

 

Just remember that you are young right now and you seem to be thinking there is something wrong with online dating...

I think you will feel differently in 10 years

 

It's not "bad" or "wrong" to use it...it's, in my personal opinion, for one, VERY scary and two, nonsensical for any young person. I have so many girl friends who use online. They are so smart, pretty, funny, nice, have amazing jobs, are very outgoing...to me, it makes no sense why they would use it. Is it laziness? Easy way out? I have no clue.

 

Furthermore, and I may be being a little extreme here...suppose you were a criminal and had a warrant for your arrest, online would be a good place to disguise yourself, wouldn't it? You really really really have to be so careful about what you put online yourself and what you are looking for. Yes, there are creeps in public, but if they're wanted and there are posters and stuff with their face on it for their arrest, it's not as easy to hide that stuff in the real world than it is online.

 

I realise I might be being a little extreme here but I have friends who have run into many criminals online and it concerns me with the amount of "good" people who are using it.

[Shygirl15]

Online definitely is better for older women.

Umm..I don't think the young hunky professionals I have seen on these website are looking for older women though...

 

Not sure what "older women" refers to here, but I'm 31 and a firm believer of online dating. The more expensive the website is, the more quality members they have. I have no problem meeting guys in real life, however the ones that impressed me more were always the ones I met online. I find it very interesting being able to meet a variety of people from different walks of life. I have learned a lot from them and developed some very good friends. One (a lawyer) was so very helpful and even offered free legal services to me when I faced some legal issues in the past.

 

The downside to online dating though is that, since most people tend to communicate with several other people at once, one can easily loose focus and get distracted from someone who could have been a potential mate for them.

[stefspets]

So, was it any better? That's interesting that you're saying they weren't really looking for the same things, and it seems that common goals would be a benefit to online dating at least in theory.

 

So, would it be correct to say that it's just more of the same thing in larger supply?

 

Yes--I met a lot more people, some who did want what I wanted, some who didn't, just as I would expect to in person. It just expedited the process for me. Interestingly enough, I only met one person who lied about anything, and that was height. I just tried to keep my mind open and take things at face value. If they lied about something, they weren't for me, but that doesn't mean I wasted my time. I still got to meet people and have a few interesting experiences (i.e. bad dates...).

 

I met my current boyfriend online, on one of the lowest forms of online dating sites (from what I've read here): craigslist. I got a lot of emails from freaks, which I ignored, but I got lucky and met someone that I am very compatible with. I couldn't tell that from his email though. It took time--dates, in person--to determine that. I would attribute it more to luck than using the internet, but we never would have met without it.

[lovestruck818]

Yes--I met a lot more people, some who did want what I wanted, some who didn't, just as I would expect to in person. It just expedited the process for me. Interestingly enough, I only met one person who lied about anything, and that was height. I just tried to keep my mind open and take things at face value. If they lied about something, they weren't for me, but that doesn't mean I wasted my time. I still got to meet people and have a few interesting experiences (i.e. bad dates...).

 

I met my current boyfriend online, on one of the lowest forms of online dating sites (from what I've read here): craigslist. I got a lot of emails from freaks, which I ignored, but I got lucky and met someone that I am very compatible with. I couldn't tell that from his email though. It took time--dates, in person--to determine that. I would attribute it more to luck than using the internet, but we never would have met without it.

 

height should be the least of anyone's concerns though...

[DunnoWhat]

I agree with both points of view..

 

Not everyone that dates online is flawed.

 

However, there are a lot more people who online date whom you would never see in public because they have some huge flaw.

I agree and that sums it up nicely.

 

From my experiance of online dating the more outgoing women are the ones with the most "issues" and thats why they find it hard to connect with people anywhere.