Does she want to go just as friends?

[carhill]

Absolutely No expectations, either about her changing her mind or the potential outcome. Just let it ride and go with the flow. Most of all, if you two do go, have a great time!

[ManWithQuestions]

But that's the thing, I'm worried she'll be texting him the whole time which is ok, but he'll want to know what were doing every second and I think she will be so worried about what he will think about things and what he expects of her and yada yada and won't actually have fun cause she'll be so worried and stuff

[Walk]

I don't think ManWithQuestions should go. Carhill, why do you think this is a good idea?

 

Every time I ever had one of those gut feelings of "Maybe I shouldn't", I Always wished I had listened to it.

 

ManWithQuestions, I don't quite understand why you can't take a vacation on your own (without this girl)?

[ManWithQuestions]

That's what I'm afraid of is exactly what you said.

 

I can't go cause I'm only 18 and my parents would never let that happen. I still live at home

[carhill]

OP, where do you live? Country is fine. In Europe, for example, young people vacation like this all the time. It's kinda communal.

 

If you can clearly see that you won't be doing anything romantic with this person, for now, and your parents are fine with this vacation arrangement (I presume they know the young lady and approve), I don't see any reason not to get some life experience and have a great vacation.

 

Just remember, if you do go, your friend has a boyfriend and you're not a surrogate. What would you do if she came on to you sexually? This is important....

 

I know others will tell you not to go and their reasons are sound and logical. Look upon me as the loose cannon here

[ManWithQuestions]

OP, where do you live? Country is fine. In Europe, for example, young people vacation like this all the time. It's kinda communal.

 

If you can clearly see that you won't be doing anything romantic with this person, for now, and your parents are fine with this vacation arrangement (I presume they know the young lady and approve), I don't see any reason not to get some life experience and have a great vacation.

 

Just remember, if you do go, your friend has a boyfriend and you're not a surrogate. What would you do if she came on to you sexually? This is important....

 

I know others will tell you not to go and their reasons are sound and logical. Look upon me as the loose cannon here

 

i live in the US

parents are worried about their kids doing that stuff here (if not, your considered a bad parent)

and if it wasnt to such a confusing place and so many people and stuff then maybe

but i would get bored going by myself anyway

 

yes, i know i wont be doing anything romantic

its just for fun and as friends

and my parents are totally fine with it, they just dont want us to get robbed or something lol

 

i know she is not going to try anything towards me, shes not like that

and if she did for whatever reason, or even if it was another girl that i knew had a boyfriend and she came on to me even if i wasnt on vacation, i couldnt do anything with her

i just would think of what if she was my gf ya know?

i just cant do that to somebody

but she wont, so i dont have any worries

 

i really want to go cause i need to get away for a bit, but im still debating on how she really feels about it

i dont want her going out of pity for me or something

but unless she backs out then ill more than likely end up going

[carhill]

Sounds like you're going to NYC If so, it's a great place to get lost in. Tip: Take the double-decker bus tour. The guides are great Don't be afraid of the subway.

 

Listen to the people here who are cautioning you or suggesting you not go. It's important that you understand their perspective. I'm not saying follow it, but listen with an open mind.

 

Remember, don't invest yourself in this trip; you're not completely sure it's going to happen, so refrain from "counting" on anything, including your female friend. If it works out, it does. If not, something else will come up

[ManWithQuestions]

Sounds like you're going to NYC If so, it's a great place to get lost in. Tip: Take the double-decker bus tour. The guides are great Don't be afraid of the subway.

 

Listen to the people here who are cautioning you or suggesting you not go. It's important that you understand their perspective. I'm not saying follow it, but listen with an open mind.

 

Remember, don't invest yourself in this trip; you're not completely sure it's going to happen, so refrain from "counting" on anything, including your female friend. If it works out, it does. If not, something else will come up

 

actually, im going on the complete opposite side lol

im going to california

i do listen to everyone open mindedly, thats why i am asking

and its more than likely going to happen now, but i mean there is a slight chance she could back out

im just hoping shes going cause she wants to, and not having pity on me

[xjohnsgirlx]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm interesting story. It can be read 2 ways i guess.

 

what you need to ask yourself is if you had a gf who had a really nice caring guy friend... would you let her go on a holiday with him, without you?

 

if the answer is no... that means no trust. If this guy doesnt let her come on the holiday he doesnt trust her... the relationship wont last long, and your in for a chance... but for heavans sakes dont make a move on her while your away. Enjoy the time together, laugh smile take lots of photos.

 

XD

[ManWithQuestions]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm interesting story. It can be read 2 ways i guess.

 

what you need to ask yourself is if you had a gf who had a really nice caring guy friend... would you let her go on a holiday with him, without you?

 

if the answer is no... that means no trust. If this guy doesnt let her come on the holiday he doesnt trust her... the relationship wont last long, and your in for a chance... but for heavans sakes dont make a move on her while your away. Enjoy the time together, laugh smile take lots of photos.

 

XD

 

thats what i told her. she was saying that he has a point in getting mad and said that he said "if i had a friend that wanted to go somewhere with me would you let me?" she said no i guess

but i told her then apparently he doesnt trust her 100%

but like most of the stuff i say, it doesnt make an influence

 

their relationship has lasted actually quite long. she got with him around xmas time of my junior year i believe, now im a graduated and have been for a few months. so they have been dating that whole time, except they broke up for like a month or two. i dont know why she stays with him, all he does is yell and stuff, but whatever. it has lasted much longer than i thought it would

 

it would be nice if for some reason they broke up, but i dont want to be the rebound guy ya know

im not going to try anything on her on our trip, no worries there

im going to have fun, just hope she will too

[xjohnsgirlx]

i have a really bad feeling that if they do break up you will become the rebound guy... i did that with one of my friends. The min my last relationship broke up. I was at his house crying to him, he wud hug me tell me itd be okay and everything and he became my rebound ... which i was happy with but he admitted to liking me more then friends and it all got confusing and bad cause he didnt see himself as being the rebound and yea, just be careful hun. But i seriously hope she does come on the trip.. Itll be so much fun. And as for sharing a bed who cares =) 2 friends sharing a bed, nothing more

[carhill]

im going to california

 

Oh, just in time for the fires, eh?

 

Well, LA's pretty crazy. My wife's from there. I'm a CenCal native myself. Don't be scared of Cali, except for those environmental wackos wandering around

 

I'll just say, if I had this opportunity at 18, I'd jump at it. Girls are nice, but adventures are what life memories are made of My wife drove around the country with her girlfriends the summer she graduated high school (back in the 70's) and the pictures and stories are something we both treasure.

 

If you are heading to SoCal, oh boy, are you in for some fun. Virile young man's fantasyland

[ManWithQuestions]

i have a really bad feeling that if they do break up you will become the rebound guy... i did that with one of my friends. The min my last relationship broke up. I was at his house crying to him, he wud hug me tell me itd be okay and everything and he became my rebound ... which i was happy with but he admitted to liking me more then friends and it all got confusing and bad cause he didnt see himself as being the rebound and yea, just be careful hun. But i seriously hope she does come on the trip.. Itll be so much fun. And as for sharing a bed who cares =) 2 friends sharing a bed, nothing more

 

well she requested that we get two seperate beds

she said the more she thought about it the more uncomfortable that made her

i thought she trusted me not to try anything, but i guess not

i told her thats fine and thats why i asked her preference in the first place

i just better not become the rebound guy....ugh lol

 

 

Oh, just in time for the fires, eh?

 

Well, LA's pretty crazy. My wife's from there. I'm a CenCal native myself. Don't be scared of Cali, except for those environmental wackos wandering around

 

I'll just say, if I had this opportunity at 18, I'd jump at it. Girls are nice, but adventures are what life memories are made of My wife drove around the country with her girlfriends the summer she graduated high school (back in the 70's) and the pictures and stories are something we both treasure.

 

If you are heading to SoCal, oh boy, are you in for some fun. Virile young man's fantasyland

 

haha im goin to san diego, so yeah its socal

i wonder what shell do when im gawking all over the girls there lol

[carhill]

i wonder what shell do when im gawking all over the girls there lol

 

Hate to break it to you, but she'll be gawking at the guys. They're pretty hawt, too

[ManWithQuestions]

Hate to break it to you, but she'll be gawking at the guys. They're pretty hawt, too

 

haha fine with me. just girls, even when your not with them, tend to get kind of pissy if your gawking at other girls when you are with them

but if its both of us, then ok!

[Walk]

IDK, I went to Texas when I was 19 by myself. Considering I'm a girl, I'd say that's more upsetting for parents then if I'd been a boy and done that.

 

I had a great time though. I met a few women there and they took me to some of the local favorite hang-outs. Probably had more fun then if I'd gone as a tourist with a friend.

 

I think from a respect stand point that I would not go on this trip with the female friend. To me, it doesn't show respect for the relationship your friend has, it disrespects her bf, and it undermines their trust in one another. I think it actively participates in damaging her relationship. Even if you two are completely platonic, and the bf agree's to this trip, I still believe it will undermine the solidity of their relationship to some degree. I don't feel that's very.... honorable.

 

I trust my H immensely, but I would still have issues with him going on an over night trip with a female friend who wants him. I feel it would be disrespectful to our relationship if he were to go ahead with the trip. To me, this isn't about trust, this is about my H putting himself in potentially bad situations on PURPOSE.

 

To me, this is wrong. I wouldn't want to be a part of something like this. You already said you want this girl, and you have liked her as more then friends for a long time. Now, you're attempting to justify that she go on the trip even though it will cause damage to her relationship, and may be a building block to its end. Something you have said you wanted to see. You've suggested that her bf is wrong for feeling jealous, and that he should trust her 100%. Yet she is putting herself in asituation where she will be sleeping in the same room with a man who freely admits he wants more then friendship. Not that you'll act on it... but how can you criticize her bf for not trusting her, when she's willingly walking into a hotel room with a man who wants to sleep with her? You'd have to be pretty dang naive to trust that situation 100%. But you told her its her bf's fault for not trusting her. He's not wrong for not trusting her completely. She shouldn't have ever put her bf in this position in the first place... not ever.

 

I wouldn't accept a bf or H sleeping in the same hotel room with a woman who likes him, no matter how trustworthy he was. I feel it disrespects me, the relationship, and our trust. Trust is earned. Not given. You don't put yourself in positions where something could happen. Even if it never does... you just don't put yourself in those positions when you're in an exclusive relationship.

 

People don't cheat because they were sitting at home one day and thought "Hmm, what will I do today?... I think I'll go pick up someone and have sex with them this afternoon". 95% of the infedility happens is because people were in situations that were conducive to creating intimacy. Like sleeping in the same hotel room with a guy/girl you're attracted to.

 

Long story short... you're mistaken to criticize her bf for not trusting her. Her bf isn't wrong in being concerned. You shouldn't infer to her that her bf is wrong. you say you're not attempting to sabatoge their relationship, but your actions say you are. You say you will keep this platonic, yet you initially got the single bed. You say you "just can't do that to someone" meaning be the person they cheated on their SO with... yet you're willingly placing yourself in a situation where that COULD occur. If you really meant what you were saying, then your actions would say that too. But your actions tell me you want to end their relationship so you will have a shot at this girl. That your intentions are not completely honorable.

 

I don't think you're a bad guy, or your doing anything horribly wrong. But I do think you're attempting to justify your actions in ways that aren't completely honest with yourself or with her.

[carhill]

Just want to re-inject that the OP is 18, male and a virgin. Having been there once, actually twice , not everyone's mind works with such fine machination. When I was his age, I enjoyed hanging out with girls and had no interest in getting laid, but a lot of interest in the special intimacy between boys and girls. I think, with age and experience, we can begin to take the nuances of everything too seriously. My instinct is this guy wants to have some fun and is curious whether this lady sees him as more than a friend. If she does, her current BF won't have any say in the matter. As men, we never do IIRC, the BF was going to go but changed his mind. Is that right, OP?

[Walk]

As men, we never do IIRC, the BF was going to go but changed his mind. Is that right, OP?

What is IIRC?

 

I realize he isn't going with the intention of getting laid... I'm just saying from my view point I don't feel what he's doing is the right thing to do.

 

When I was 18 (and still a virgin) I had a crush on my guy friend who was dating someone else. I really enjoyed hanging out with him as a friend, and for other reasons. Eventually him and his gf got into a bad spot and my friend tried to kiss me. I didn't let him, but from that point forward it really solidified that I was influencing his decisions about his relationship. And I wasn't doing it with only the purest of intentions. I really wanted to date him.. I wouldn't while he was in a relationship. I didn't intentionally try to sabatoge them, but if he'd complain about her I'd point out why he was right instead of attempting to maybe see the real issues and helping him to address those. Kind of like how ManwithQuestions is saying to his female friend that her bf doesn't trust her, even though her bf is justified for being concerned about the situation. MWQ is not outright doing anything to harm the relationship, but he's nudging it in his favor occasionally instead of nudging it toward a healthier perspective.

 

I think MWQ is a good guy. Seems to have a great head on his shoulders too. On the scale of bad things to do in life, this is incredibly minor... however, I still don't feel its the wisest decision to make.

 

You only get to live once though... and since she's okay with the trip and her bf has agreed, then maybe MWQ should do it.

[carhill]

IIRC = If I Recall Correctly

 

This is a function of old farts disease

[ManWithQuestions]

IDK, I went to Texas when I was 19 by myself. Considering I'm a girl, I'd say that's more upsetting for parents then if I'd been a boy and done that.

 

I had a great time though. I met a few women there and they took me to some of the local favorite hang-outs. Probably had more fun then if I'd gone as a tourist with a friend.

 

I think from a respect stand point that I would not go on this trip with the female friend. To me, it doesn't show respect for the relationship your friend has, it disrespects her bf, and it undermines their trust in one another. I think it actively participates in damaging her relationship. Even if you two are completely platonic, and the bf agree's to this trip, I still believe it will undermine the solidity of their relationship to some degree. I don't feel that's very.... honorable.

 

I trust my H immensely, but I would still have issues with him going on an over night trip with a female friend who wants him. I feel it would be disrespectful to our relationship if he were to go ahead with the trip. To me, this isn't about trust, this is about my H putting himself in potentially bad situations on PURPOSE.

 

To me, this is wrong. I wouldn't want to be a part of something like this. You already said you want this girl, and you have liked her as more then friends for a long time. Now, you're attempting to justify that she go on the trip even though it will cause damage to her relationship, and may be a building block to its end. Something you have said you wanted to see. You've suggested that her bf is wrong for feeling jealous, and that he should trust her 100%. Yet she is putting herself in asituation where she will be sleeping in the same room with a man who freely admits he wants more then friendship. Not that you'll act on it... but how can you criticize her bf for not trusting her, when she's willingly walking into a hotel room with a man who wants to sleep with her? You'd have to be pretty dang naive to trust that situation 100%. But you told her its her bf's fault for not trusting her. He's not wrong for not trusting her completely. She shouldn't have ever put her bf in this position in the first place... not ever.

 

I wouldn't accept a bf or H sleeping in the same hotel room with a woman who likes him, no matter how trustworthy he was. I feel it disrespects me, the relationship, and our trust. Trust is earned. Not given. You don't put yourself in positions where something could happen. Even if it never does... you just don't put yourself in those positions when you're in an exclusive relationship.

 

People don't cheat because they were sitting at home one day and thought "Hmm, what will I do today?... I think I'll go pick up someone and have sex with them this afternoon". 95% of the infedility happens is because people were in situations that were conducive to creating intimacy. Like sleeping in the same hotel room with a guy/girl you're attracted to.

 

Long story short... you're mistaken to criticize her bf for not trusting her. Her bf isn't wrong in being concerned. You shouldn't infer to her that her bf is wrong. you say you're not attempting to sabatoge their relationship, but your actions say you are. You say you will keep this platonic, yet you initially got the single bed. You say you "just can't do that to someone" meaning be the person they cheated on their SO with... yet you're willingly placing yourself in a situation where that COULD occur. If you really meant what you were saying, then your actions would say that too. But your actions tell me you want to end their relationship so you will have a shot at this girl. That your intentions are not completely honorable.

 

I don't think you're a bad guy, or your doing anything horribly wrong. But I do think you're attempting to justify your actions in ways that aren't completely honest with yourself or with her.

 

well the thing is, she initially asked me if i wanted to go on a trip. i thought she was joking, but she was serious. so i did not initiate the thing, she did.

 

and im not "justifying" her to go, i told her many times that i would much rather see us not go if she really cant just have fun. im still having a feeling that she wont, but i am working at the fair with her on saturday so i guess well see how "awkward" it is.

 

and i dont think he is wrong for feeling jealous, its the fact that he really doesnt trust her, even to just hang out with me, even if were at her house with her family. and the point that he was coming after me and going to do stuff to me when i was not the one to start the whole thing.

 

and no, i do not want to "sleep" with her. as he said, i am a virgin, so i dont willingly just have sex with people. i would never make a move on her or anyone if they have a SO, just like i said before. the 1 bed thing was a mistake, i admit it, but up until she talked to her boyfriend and they got in the fight she was telling me its fine and everything, so i didnt think anything of it. i know you may not agree that i would never make a move, but i really wouldnt. i totally respect women when i am with them and would never make a move to do anything of that sort, nor would i accept it. there is the possibility that it could occur anywhere, but again, its not going to.

 

 

Just want to re-inject that the OP is 18, male and a virgin. Having been there once, actually twice , not everyone's mind works with such fine machination. When I was his age, I enjoyed hanging out with girls and had no interest in getting laid, but a lot of interest in the special intimacy between boys and girls. I think, with age and experience, we can begin to take the nuances of everything too seriously. My instinct is this guy wants to have some fun and is curious whether this lady sees him as more than a friend. If she does, her current BF won't have any say in the matter. As men, we never do IIRC, the BF was going to go but changed his mind. Is that right, OP?

 

thats how i am. i do not want to hop into bed with her and get it done with, im not like that. i just like hanging out with them and doing things with them, even if not sexual.

 

and yes, she was planning a trip with her, her bf, her step sister and her bf to go

her step sis and her step sis's bf backed out, which he was saying was going to happen the whole time. he ended up backing out to, for whatever reason.

like i said, i didnt ask her to go on a trip, she asked me.

 

What is IIRC?

 

I realize he isn't going with the intention of getting laid... I'm just saying from my view point I don't feel what he's doing is the right thing to do.

 

When I was 18 (and still a virgin) I had a crush on my guy friend who was dating someone else. I really enjoyed hanging out with him as a friend, and for other reasons. Eventually him and his gf got into a bad spot and my friend tried to kiss me. I didn't let him, but from that point forward it really solidified that I was influencing his decisions about his relationship. And I wasn't doing it with only the purest of intentions. I really wanted to date him.. I wouldn't while he was in a relationship. I didn't intentionally try to sabatoge them, but if he'd complain about her I'd point out why he was right instead of attempting to maybe see the real issues and helping him to address those. Kind of like how ManwithQuestions is saying to his female friend that her bf doesn't trust her, even though her bf is justified for being concerned about the situation. MWQ is not outright doing anything to harm the relationship, but he's nudging it in his favor occasionally instead of nudging it toward a healthier perspective.

 

I think MWQ is a good guy. Seems to have a great head on his shoulders too. On the scale of bad things to do in life, this is incredibly minor... however, I still don't feel its the wisest decision to make.

 

You only get to live once though... and since she's okay with the trip and her bf has agreed, then maybe MWQ should do it.

 

as i said, i see how he is concerned, i just thought he should trust her decision more, and that she would trust me more

but i do see how he can get worried, its just how he literally blew up and got sooooo angry and blew everything out of proportion. it was just ridiculous.

 

as i also said, i told her many times its ok if we dont go because it really didnt seem like she wanted to

ill have to wait till saturday to see how it goes, and if its just weird or were not the same, then ill just call it off.

 

thats the thing though, i dont know if she really is "ok" about the trip, or if she is just having pity and going

she tried really hard to push the fact of me getting someone else to go with me instead, and it took her a while to decide

and i dont know if her bf really agreed or not, i never talked to him personally.

im really thinking of talking to him about it, even though we really do hate eachother to the fullest extent

but i dont know if i could actually get him to sit down and have a serious conversation without getting extremely pissed off, trying to hit me, or even really talking to me at all

[carhill]

Great post. Don't talk to the BF.

[ManWithQuestions]

why not? you think it will make it worse?

[carhill]

Their business is their business. They'll work out their business. Your business is enjoying your vacation

[ManWithQuestions]

Their business is their business. They'll work out their business. Your business is enjoying your vacation

 

haha true, saturday is going to be the deal breaker if anything though