ManWithQuestions Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 hey im new to the forums, im 18 and just graduated high school a few months ago ok well i just planned a trip with one of my friends she currently has a BF, but its just me and her going on the trip they were planning on going on a trip with some friends i guess, but that fell through and he didnt want to go so now me and her are going on a trip ive told her that i like her, it didnt change our friendship any but im just wondering, if she asked me to go on a trip with her, and she is allowing it to be just us and a king bed do you think that she just wants to go as friends? or could it possibly be more? while i was up there talking to her at her house, she was telling me what a a**hole her bf has been (which i have told her from the beginning that he treats her like crap) she knows i dont like him one bit and ive told her she deserves better than that so ya do you think she just wants to get away? or is it more than that? or what? sorry if this is a dumb question, but i have been crazy for this girl for a long long time PS. i tend to be one of the actual nice guys out there, so i am put into the "friends zone" a lot it seems like. not that its important, just didnt know if it would make a difference in the responses also, i am a virgin if that makes any difference, im pretty sure shes not (i havnt actually asked her, just not something i do, but im pretty dang sure she isnt)
SilkLeaves Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I think you should be careful - if she's unhappy in her relationship then she may be latching onto you - a nice, caring guy - as escapism from her boyfriend. This doesn't nessecarily mean she has any strong feelings for you. It could just be a rebound situation. Maybe you should have a talk with her about the expectations she has for this holiday and where her current relationship is heading. Stop trying to read between to lines and ask her outright what her true feeling are. I'm sure she'll be okay with you asking. Regardless of how much you like her, I don't think you should just jump into bed with her if she offers, especially if she's still in the relationship. This may feel like you're taking advantage of her while she's emotionally unstable, and will not end happily. Anyway, enjoy your holiday!
carhill Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Get a room with a sofa bed and use it. That's the respectful thing to do. Better to save your virginity for someone for whom you aren't the fallback plan
Yamaha Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 she was telling me what a a**hole her bf has been (which i have told her from the beginning that he treats her like crap) she knows i don't like him one bit and Ive told her she deserves better than that When a women talks to you about a bf she sees you as a friend. It doesn't matter that he treats her like crap and you are the white knight to save her, she isn't looking to be saved by you. She wants you to go on the trip because she knows you will be a gentleman and will do nothing sexual. You are a safe guy. Women will use guy friends when things are not going well in their relationships. You need to chase after another girl and forget the romantic notions with this gal. And I wouldn't go on the trip with her.
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 Well weve already booked the flight and room and everything i think she was trying to see what i thought, because she left the bed choice up to me and whether or not friends should come i asked her several times what she would prefer, but she just kept saying "its up to you" the room we chose, well she actually ended up choosing the hotel/room, had the choice of 1 king bed or 2 doubles i just left it the way it was and went on with it do you think shes trying to see what i am thinking about it? to ^^^ weve booked it already lol i really need a vacation though, i havnt been on one in like 6 or 7 years...
carhill Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Vacations are good Personal space is good Natural progression of relationships is good Sharing a hotel room bed with a girl who's perhaps on the outs with her BF... not so good You can change your bedding/room request at most hotels in advance or upon check-in. IME, doubles/ double queens are much easier to come by than kings. I've been a mattress (and mileage) runner long enough to know this
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 Vacations are good Personal space is good Natural progression of relationships is good Sharing a hotel room bed with a girl who's perhaps on the outs with her BF... not so good well as they said she knows im not going to do anything and i think she feels pretty comfortable with me honestly, the main reason i chose one bed is because the rooms seem kind of small, so i decided to choose 1 bed to get a somewhat bigger room i know you probably wont believe me on that point, but thats really the main reason why if she ends up feeling uncomfortable for any reason, which i doubt she will, we can always get a room at the same hotel with 2 beds might cost some money, but yeah its the same room, same exact room you just had a choice of a king or 2 doubles EDIT for your edit : do you think she will find it kind of odd to change it to a 2 bed out of nowhere? do you think i should ask her like "are you sure your ok with 1 bed?" or does that show some sort of insecurity? or should i ask her in another way perhaps?
carhill Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 IMO, a man should lead. I personally would not share a hotel room with a woman I didn't intend to have intimacy with. This would apply to a platonic friend. We'd have separate suites or separate sleeping spaces (like a 2BR or closeable 1BR and sofabed) within a suite. I would not ask her. I would just take care of it Perhaps the perspective of the younger generation in this regard is different, perhaps more communal. Go with what you know. My instinct is, if you sleep in the same bed, you're going to screw up a friendship. Just an instinct. Prove me wrong
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 IMO, a man should lead. I personally would not share a hotel room with a woman I didn't intend to have intimacy with. This would apply to a platonic friend. We'd have separate suites or separate sleeping spaces (like a 2BR or closeable 1BR and sofabed) within a suite. I would not ask her. I would just take care of it Perhaps the perspective of the younger generation in this regard is different, perhaps more communal. Go with what you know. My instinct is, if you sleep in the same bed, you're going to screw up a friendship. Just an instinct. Prove me wrong well i know plenty of people that like when we have a party somewhere, they will go sleep in a bed with a guy, and nothing will happen between them sexually or anything and they are just fine so you dont think i should ask her?
carhill Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 If it were a party with many others attending, that's one thing. A vacation with just the two of you? A bit different, IMO.
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 If it were a party with many others attending, that's one thing. A vacation with just the two of you? A bit different, IMO. ok thanks for the input
Honymoon Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 She only talk to you because she wants and needs friends. Pretend to be her friend and in that way you can know her filings. I tell you by experiece, I had to say goodbye to one of my friend because I told him that I brokeup with my last boyfriend and he told me that he wants to be my next boyfriend. Right now I want to know nothing about boyfriends.
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 well now the fun started she told her boyfriend we were going he blew up really bad, was extremely pissed, said he was coming to my house and was going to trash my car and stuff yada yada (i didnt even knew that he knew where i lived) he was telling her hell no your not going with him, if you do go with him then we are through things of that nature so her parents called me and asked me to come up there so i went up there, then he came up there he stayed outside, took her in his car and went and talked for like an hour and a half, possibly more so i sat and talked to her parents and shiz i wasnt worked up and they knew it, they were just saying that its bull and crap they know im a nice guy, and i personally am like 99% sure they like me more than her boyfriend, but im sure that happens a lot so i just kept my cool, i didnt get worked up, i just talked to them somewhat but i was just thinking most the time even they said he has always treated her like shiz and has bad temper problems yada yada then she comes back and i guess he said hes sorry that he got so angry, he overreacted and that he wont do anything to me (rriiigghhtt...) he said he doesnt want to leave me hanging though since we paid for it, but we can cancel (i told her he doesnt give a damn about me, its the fact that she has paid) i never got to personally talk to him cause he just dropped her off (he didnt know i was there) but from what i can tell i highly doubt we are going anymore...which really pisses me off so now well probably have to cancel everything and stuff...and idk what will happen between us i still want to remain friends, but this just hit me really hard for some reason not like omg im going to cry boo hoo just hit me hard...idk how to explain it when we were talkin though we were downstairs and she just had her wisdom teeth out on friday and was feeling really tired and couldnt stand/sit straight so i just told her to go lay down and i sat there for a good 20 minutes just thinking then i left but she said that its not 100% what were doing yet, she just kept saying IDK but to me its almost 99% were not going sorry to keep going on, just venting i guess but ya im going to try to go to sleep cause i got work tomorrow
carhill Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Get some sleep.... Go on vacation by yourself. Meet a more mature girl. Enjoy At your age, if her parents like you, you're dead meat. Forget about any romance with her. She wants the kick-ass bad boy. It's not your fault. It's just how women are made...
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 Get some sleep.... Go on vacation by yourself. Meet a more mature girl. Enjoy At your age, if her parents like you, you're dead meat. Forget about any romance with her. She wants the kick-ass bad boy. It's not your fault. It's just how women are made... well i got "some" sleep lol i cant go on vacation by myself, im only 18 ya i know, i figured that i would be i dont think ill ever understand the whole "nice guys finish last" cause i dont think we ever "finish" and i dont get why they want such **** people either but w/e
Riley Freeman Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 only thing you need to remember is that she has a boyfriend so you dont make any moves and you just be her friend and have a good time.
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 only thing you need to remember is that she has a boyfriend so you dont make any moves and you just be her friend and have a good time. ya i wasnt planning on it but im just telling her to cancel it even if we did go, i doubt she would actually just let loose and have fun she would always be worried what he thinks and yada yada
Riley Freeman Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 ya i wasnt planning on it but im just telling her to cancel it even if we did go, i doubt she would actually just let loose and have fun she would always be worried what he thinks and yada yada well im sure she would, thats her man.........but canceling it seems best
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 well im sure she would, thats her man.........but canceling it seems best yeah thats what i came to now im asking her what the damages will be (as far as money goes) i just still dont get what is with girls and dating people who treat them like utter pieces of crap ill never understand that ><
Riley Freeman Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 yeah thats what i came to now im asking her what the damages will be (as far as money goes) i just still dont get what is with girls and dating people who treat them like utter pieces of crap ill never understand that >< its not for you to understand some women like challenges, they see this arrogant jerk and say hmm let me see if i can change him into a sweet puppy dog and after they get do-do'd on they complain thats just life
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 its not for you to understand some women like challenges, they see this arrogant jerk and say hmm let me see if i can change him into a sweet puppy dog and after they get do-do'd on they complain thats just life haha thats a good analogy i guess i guess shes still debating on whether or not were going im still waiting to hear the "no"
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 Ok well I talked to her today and she seemed like she was in a bad mood. She said she was "not feeling good" but whatever. Anywho, after some talking she decided she wants to go. I did not try pursuade her in any way. But just the way she was saying things and all that is not how she would normally respond, just like her wordage and such. I asked her if she really wants to go and she said ya. She called and made a request for 2 beds, which I understand, but she said the more she though about the 1 the more uncomfortable it made her. I'm getting that sense and really deep gut feeling that I should just call it off cause I really don't think she wants to go and I doubt well have fun. What would you guys do?
carhill Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Let it ride. Don't try to out-think her or project your perspective onto her. See how easy it was to get 2 beds
Author ManWithQuestions Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 so you think I should still go?
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