OttoMan Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 So here goes my VENTING. So I'm in the middle of a divorce. I moved out about a couple of months ago. Just waiting for it to be final. The whole problem with the relationship was the fact that my wife did not seemed to want to be married. She never wanted to have sex and just need to have someone next to her. I guess I was just her little puppet. And of course going through a divorce will lead you to have a series of different emotions. I think I'm handling all of these ok. The problem I can't seem to shake is the fact of missing my dog. My wife and I got a dog about 5 or 6 years ago. She was the one that really wanted the dog to begin with. So I went along with it. However, in having a dog and seeing it everyday. You can't help but get attached and you develop daily routines with it. Which I did. So in the divorce since I was not able to take the dog away from her. And was not going fight it. So now I don't know how to deal with this. I don't think I have been more attached to anything then I had become with this dog. In a house filled with bitterness and hate he was the only thing worth with coming home to. Now it may seem silly to be upset about a dog, but unless you have never had a dog I don't think you can understand. So I have to basically assume it's dead. As I don't think I can see him at all if I can't see him every day. I can't really get a new one as I don't have my own house yet. I don't even know if getting a new one would make these feelings go away. I don't know if I will be able to. I guess time will only tell if I'm able to get over this divorce and my dog.
Ladyjane14 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to call her and make arrangements to take the dog to the park. Afterall, he probably misses YOU too. Dogs need lots of exercise and attention, so it's in the best interest of the dog to have some visitation with you. After reading your other thread though... I have to wonder if some of your problem is that you're just flat-out LONELY. You even said that you felt you were too old to make new friends. CODSWALLOP!, fella. No one's ever too old to get themselves a life. Get out of the house. Call up some old friends on the phone. Make some invitations, accept any that come your way... and TALK to people as you're progressing through your day. Sign up for some furthering education classes, take a deep sea fishing trip, or go whitewater rafting. You know, activities that will put you within a group for a day or two so you have time to make acquaintances. A new life with new friends isn't going to just drop into your lap. You've got to be proactive and go get 'em. And it's going to take some time too. You'll need patience. You won't always hit it off with new people, so some days you'll be the windshield and some days you'll be the bug. But eventually, you're going to look around and realize that your life is pretty full.
Ronni_W Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Now it may seem silly to be upset about a dog, ... I guess time will only tell if I'm able to get over this divorce and my dog. (((hugs))) Grieving for the loss of a beloved, everyday companion is NOT "silly" in the slightest, whether that is a person or a pet. Grief is grief. As you've already realized, just trying to replace the object of your love and devotion likely won't be too productive in stopping sad feelings about the first one...again, doesn't matter if it's a pet or a person. Yes, over time your strong emotions of loss will wane, and eventually become quite manageable, until they become barely if at all noticeable. Hang in there
zennya Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 i hope you can see if there's any support group in your local community and ask for advice and your rights. Best of Luck!
RobertLS Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I was in a similar situation a long time ago where I had to give up a dog. It didn't involve divorce or separation, but it was very painful. When I first got married, my wife and I had to move close to her school and we couldn't have pets. My sister's boyfriend offered to keep my dog for a couple years until my wife finished school. When the time came to move and I wanted to get my dog back, he said that he had grown attached to her and didn't want to give her up. My family (mom, sisters) finally convinced me that my dog had probably forgotten about me and was happy where she was. They were probably right, but it was one of the hardest things I've ever done to let go of my dog. I feel for you, I really do. Ronni's advice about time healing your hurt is true, but it may not help much while you're actually going through the hurt. After I moved, and was living where I could have dogs, I got two of them and they were wonderful. Give yourself time to grieve, and when you can, consider getting a dog of your own. It won't completely erase memories of your first dog, but if you're a dog person, you just have to have one! Good luck!!
Billy Bob Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Get yourself a cat! They keep you company, but you know they don't really care about you like a dog.
Author OttoMan Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 I just don't know why she is still acting like all of this is my fault. Just the way she acts is as if she has never done anything wrong and I'm the one that did not want to have sex. Or even get married. Like a couple of weeks ago she was mad because I went and saw a movie with a friend, without her that she wanted to see with me. I can't understand what this person is thinking. I wish she would just leave me alone. When she calls me or talks to me online it's like she is just trying to make me feel guilty about this crap. Like I have done wrong. She will tell me about how the dog is and what is going on in her life. I'm trying to move in with my life and it does not include her. I have been seeing a therapist for a few years now which is helping. Still talking about stuff can only help so much. As you guys are saying sometimes time is the the thing that will heal wounds.
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