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how to stop idealizing?


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Posted

OK, so this guy I dated, I can't get him out of my head -- I know it's because I'm idealizing him. I know we are not meant to be, but we didn't date long enough to actually see his bad sides/negatives, so I just really miss him and keep on thinking about all the good things (the behavior most people display at the beginning of dating).

 

What can I do to stop missing him? I've been in no contact for about 3 weeks.

Posted

hi pandagirl,

 

I'm actually in a similar position. More than anything I've tried thus far, I found the escape into some great fiction to be of immense help - nothing like a great story to get your mind of anything. Books I read today -

 

1. Witch of Portobello - Paulo Coelho

2. Love in a Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

 

I'm planning on spending tomorrow reading a few books as well. I'd suggest inspirational books. I'm a fan of The Alchemist (by Coelho).

 

Hope that helps!

Posted

pandagirl, I know how you feel. When love is or was involved, you can throw all logic out the window. You KNOW he is not right for you for whatever reasons, but he still had some good points that you can't help overshadow all the bad. When I left my ex, I was thinking rationally. And then in hindsight, sometimes I thought I saw water in a dry desert, but it was only a mirage. I had I thought made a mistake, when in actuality I know I made the right decision. I'm still seeing those mirages, but less and less everyday. You'll get over it soon.

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