prisonbreak Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I'm truly stumped on this one. I met a great guy a few months ago. We get along so well, there is a great connection in ever aspect. We both enjoy spending time together...etc. Here's the problem...He's moving to Europe in a year to live there for 2 yrs or so. Here's my problem, I want to keep dating him, but i can only see future heartache and pain ahead. I don't know if i want to ever get married again, but i do want to be in a relationship that feels safe. What would you do? Enjoy the here and now or save myself the pain and bail while it's easier to walk away now? Keep in mind, i've been through enough pain throughout my years and don't know if my heart can handle anymore torture.
carhill Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 How does he feel about this move and its effect on your R? Did he plan the move before you met? Is airline travel a problem for you or him? What about this prospective LDR makes it feel potentially unsafe?
Author prisonbreak Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 It's something he has always wanted to do (a personal goal), it's been planned before we met. Well, he says he isn't looking for an exlusive relationship, marriage... He is a "here and now" kinda guy. Just enjoys hanging out and being together without labels and pressure. He believes in not planning and having expectations because it just leads to frustration. He really is a mellow predictable guy with no drama, but likes to just roll with it. It's hard to explain, because when i type it out, it kinda sounds like he's commitment phobic...i don't know maybe he is. I guess it's really not about the move as much as it is about him wanting to give me more. I don't know im so confused.
Author prisonbreak Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 and oh, he's not a player bc he hasnt had a gf or dated in over 2yrs. He's just very content and happy with himself.
carhill Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Do you understand the interelationship between attraction and compatibility? Specifically, that you can be attracted to someone with whom you are, at this time, incompatible with for a LTR, and the reasons and psychology behind that dynamic? I see you as being at two different places on the road. You're on the same road, but distance separates you. How do you bridge that distance? Tell me what "more" means to you
xpaperxcutx Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 He's a "here and now" person, so he enjoys the relationship with you NOW, but when he moves overseas, he doesn't sound like the sort of person to hold on to the past. If you're scared of getting your heart broken, then you wouldn't have taken the risk of being with him in the first place. Normally I would tell people to break up if the future seems short. But if you really want to be with him, then distance won't be an obstacle. I'm not telling you to be idealistic but if the time comes for him to leave, do you see just a relationship of endless emails and letters, without the physical contact?
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