citizen67 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 My ex lives down the block from me - today I saw him with the girl he is apparently seeing. I'm hurting bad - I can accept that he and I cannot be together but him moving on, while I'm here hurting SUCKS. Even though I have more to offer than he does I can't seem to get a date. That it was so easy for him to just pick up and move on is incredibly painful. I'm more jealous of his moving on than I actually am of the girl (he'll cheat on her like he has with every other gf) - why can't I be the one who moves on and he can see me with someone else and feel crappy about it?
carhill Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 OP, I sense from your postings that you are defining yourself in terms of others. IOW, your energy is moving outside of yourself instead of centering within you. Grieving the end of a relationship is a process. We each approach it differently. Some escape via drugs and/or alcohol. Some engage in promiscuous sex. Some buy a herd of cats and become a hermit. Some go to counseling. Some embark on a self-improvement regime. Regardless of your choices, it's still a process. FWIW, and this is an important life lesson, don't presume by his actions what he does or does not feel. BTW, since you're short and evidently guys like talking to your breasts, the next time that happens, and you otherwise might be interested in him, simply pick his chin up, look him in the eye and say "the girls aren't interested in going out with you, but I might be. Talk to me". His reaction will tell you whether he is date-able or not. Remember, you're not looking for a serious R yet (your ex is still on your mind) but rather just to have some fun. Why not date a few frogs just for the fun of it?
Author citizen67 Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 I just prefer to think of him at home, alone, missing me . . . B/C I'm home, alone, posting on loveshack about missing him and he's to busy getting laid to think of me. And it SUCKS:sick:
porter218 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I just prefer to think of him at home, alone, missing me . . . B/C I'm home, alone, posting on loveshack about missing him and he's to busy getting laid to think of me. And it SUCKS:sick: Don't assume that he is not at home missing you. When I went through a long separation with my H he went out and instantly started seeing other women. Later when I asked how was he able to move on so easily, he said he was doing it to try to forget about me because our break up was very painful for him. Later one of these women called me to tell me about how much he was crying about how he missed me to her and she said she was sick of it.
Author citizen67 Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 that makes me feel a little better - I still do wish that I found it that easy to find a date though
D-Lish Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I hate the whole running into the ex deal.... That happened to me a couple weeks ago. I was in the mall, I was just slipping in and out and looked like crap.... and boom... there he is walking past me holding hands with his new gf. I was mortified. It just brought back a bit of pain I had thought I'd reconciled with. You'll meet someone. I think you're in the same position as me. I just moved to a new place, I am a lot further away from my friends and I don't know too many people in the area I'm in now. Makes it hard to meet people. I have come to the conclusion that it's best to meet someone when you are feeling best about yourself. So that involves dealing with the break up issues, personal issues, etc. It's probably not the best time to meet someone new when you are still hurting over the ex. deal with that first, and then put yourself back out there. I've just decided to stop looking until I get my act together! Don't worry, the right one will come along someday. And remember, just because someone rebounds into a new relationship doesn't mean they aren't still thinking of you. SOme people just deal with a break up by jumping into something new in order to avoid dealing with pain. That doesn't diminish how you felt about one another- just remember that.
foxh1234 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I hate the whole running into the ex deal.... That happened to me a couple weeks ago. I was in the mall, I was just slipping in and out and looked like crap.... and boom... there he is walking past me holding hands with his new gf. I was mortified. It just brought back a bit of pain I had thought I'd reconciled with. You'll meet someone. I think you're in the same position as me. I just moved to a new place, I am a lot further away from my friends and I don't know too many people in the area I'm in now. Makes it hard to meet people. I have come to the conclusion that it's best to meet someone when you are feeling best about yourself. So that involves dealing with the break up issues, personal issues, etc. It's probably not the best time to meet someone new when you are still hurting over the ex. deal with that first, and then put yourself back out there. I've just decided to stop looking until I get my act together! Don't worry, the right one will come along someday. And remember, just because someone rebounds into a new relationship doesn't mean they aren't still thinking of you. SOme people just deal with a break up by jumping into something new in order to avoid dealing with pain. That doesn't diminish how you felt about one another- just remember that. It is so true that just because your ex looks happy, it doesn't mean he is. My ex has been around town partying with her new bf and looking so in love. Also posting lots of lovely pictures on her facebook and telling our mutual friends how happy she is. That was a month ago and since then she has broke up with him and has been begging me to take her back, and telling me she has thought of me every minute. Believe me, you never really know how your ex is. Don't assume anything by outward appearances, they can be completely wrong.
Author citizen67 Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 You're right DLish - He is a needy guy and can't stand to be by himself. I just think I would feel better if guys were showing interest in me, even just for casual dating. What's also annoying, is that I inspired him to get into exercise and he's all buff now, plus I gave him grooming and fashion tips, and he looked very good. The girl looked like every other girl he's ever dated (including me)
D-Lish Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 You're right DLish - He is a needy guy and can't stand to be by himself. I just think I would feel better if guys were showing interest in me, even just for casual dating. What's also annoying, is that I inspired him to get into exercise and he's all buff now, plus I gave him grooming and fashion tips, and he looked very good. The girl looked like every other girl he's ever dated (including me) LOL! My friends and I also joke that we have met guys, bought them clothes and helped them develop fashion sense- only to send them out looking hotter than they were before they came to us!! I suspect that guys want to date you- probably just the ones interested in you - you aren't interested in. It's a matter of finding a match, I think that's the hardest part.
Author citizen67 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 I'm just glad when he asked if I'd mind if he worked with my personal trianer that I had the presence of mind to say that yes I'd have a problem with that! If he and my trainer were all buddy buddy now I'd have a big problem with that
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