butterflygirl68 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 This is my first post, I've been coming to LS on and off for about year, and I finally decided to join after my recent experiences with online dating. I was married for almost 17 years, I've been divorced for 2 1/2, and I just ended a one year relationship with a guy who had enough baggage to fill up 6 airplanes. Anyway, a girl I work with suggested online dating because that's how she met her husband. I figured what the heck. This is what I've encountered over the past few weeks: Guy #1: Great headshot, nice to talk to on the phone, we decide to meet for drinks. In his profile he said he was 5'5, and I'm 5'2, so I really don't care how tall a guy is as long as he's taller than me. When I arrive, he stands up and he's a good 3-4 inches SHORTER than me. Which makes him like 4'10/4'11. If you're going to lie about your height (which isn't easy to hide), what else are you going to lie about?! Oh, and he was wearing house slippers. What's up with that?! Guy #2: Same thing---great picture, nice conversation, we decide to meet. He spends the ENTIRE night talking about his ex-wife and how she cheated on him. Then he asked me to analyze the situation and tell him why I thought she cheated. At the end of the date he tells me I'm wonderful, he can't wait to see me again, he's going to take his profile down, etc. Well, he does take his profile down, but I never hear from him again, so I guess maybe he got back with his ex-wife? Guy #3: Okay, this guy was a blind date, not from online dating, but I decided to lump him in. My best friend's mom knows him and told me he was good looking, successful, and had no baggage. When I talked to him on the phone, he told me how everyone thinks he looks like he's in his late twenties, girls throw themselves at him when he pulls up in his Hummer, he's rich and successful, blah, blah, blah. I was pretty turned off at this point, but decided I would go out with him out of curiousity. We pull up at the same time in the parking lot, he gets out of his Hummer and has on the tightest bicycle shorts I've ever seen. He's also wearing a fanny pack and he's completely gray. He looks 60. Then he spends the entire night talking about how he's been in commercials, movies, knows this celebrity and that celebrity, he just bought his mom a Hummer, his dad's Hummer is on order, he's going to buy his daughter a Hummer when she turns 16, his company pulls in x million dollars a year, and on and on. OMG! I was so bored I thought I was going to die right there on the spot. Guy #4: Doesn't show up, never hear from again. ?????? Guy #5: Okay, I really liked this guy and thought he had second date potential. We went out for sushi and then ice-cream later. We had a good time, had a lot in common, laughed the entire time, and he said he couldn't wait to see me again. I sent him a text 3 days after the date thanking him for a good time and I still haven't heard from him. It's been almost 2 weeks. Okay..... Guy #6: We were supposed to go out tonight, but last night around 9:30 he sends me a text saying his dad is in the hospital, sorry, he needs to cancel. I'm pretty sure he's lying because he was online line most of last night chatting with someone else. I guess he's taking her out tonight. Whatever!!! So, back to my original question, is something wrong with me, or is this how online dating is? Because if it is, I give up!!
refurb Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Guy #1: When I arrive, he stands up and he's a good 3-4 inches SHORTER than me. Which makes him like 4'10/4'11. That is hilarious. A girlfriend of mine was doing the online dating thing and that happened to her too. I makes you wonder what was going through his mind. RF
jadedone Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I could see fudging an inch or two, but 5 to 6 inches is just down right dishonest.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 So does Guy #3 own a lot of stock in the Hummer company? I have an online date Sunday. First one in a while. You're making me scared I know a girl who did match for a year and a half. She said she went on about 100 dates. She finally met a great guy and they are engaged. Well goody for her but....i don't think i could handle the 100 dates!
vonerik012 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Online dating is like being in a candy store. You don't realize how many women just want to have sex immediately. I posted one ad on a site seeking a girlfriend. I received one reply. I posted one ad seeking a FWB and I got 11 replies.. I guess if guy goes out with one, and she is not perfect, he would rather have sex with random women, or meet one that is better. I dont online date anymore, as I prefer meeting in real life. Hard to find a quality woman online. Most have kids, are older, are obese.
Author butterflygirl68 Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 Thanks guys, you've made me think that it's not me! A lot of people have told me that when you're looking for love you won't find it. It's when you least expect it that it happens. Maybe that's why online dating just isn't working. I think I'm going to go delete my profile now......
Angel1111 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 People may hit the jackpot every now and then but, for the most part, there's nothing but a bunch of fruitcakes on those sites. After about 3 mos of it, I couldn't take anymore. I was starting to lose faith in men. As the other poster said, if you want to go through about 100 guys, you might get lucky. Probably not.
grogster Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I doubt anything's wrong with you. It's just that online dating, with its abundance of prospects, brings out the not-the-best in people. I include myself. After my 2 year relationship ended, I returned to M... where I received a blizzard of winks and emails. The response says more about the lack of quality of middle-aged men online than it says about me. I was paralyzed by all the contacts, and I just shut down. I went on one date with an absolutely lovely woman and we had a great time. I'm just not that interested in seeing her again. Only one woman was on the weird side, and she was simply ultra-aggressive. Today, I e-mailed all the women who winked and e-mailed me and told them that I remain emotionally unavailable, and I'm not ready to return to M... I've now hid my profile until I'm ready to return, if ever. I prefer real world meetings, but I'm a realist. Don't give up. You might find a good guy.
lovestruck818 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 So does Guy #3 own a lot of stock in the Hummer company? I have an online date Sunday. First one in a while. You're making me scared I know a girl who did match for a year and a half. She said she went on about 100 dates. She finally met a great guy and they are engaged. Well goody for her but....i don't think i could handle the 100 dates! 100 dates is not something to brag about...that's pretty much the story of everyone who dates online...they can't get dates in person,t hat's why they go on there...think about it.
grogster Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 100 dates is not something to brag about...that's pretty much the story of everyone who dates online...they can't get dates in person,t hat's why they go on there...think about it. That's BS.
EYECANDY000 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Luv, Dating is a challenge period. Whether its online, blind date, or getting to know someone. Theres nothing wrong with you. You just have to pick through the litter to find the one that you are compatible with. I have tried internet dating. and Ive met a few people who looked nothing like there picture. But I just say whatever and take myself out for ice cream. Dating sucks! But hang in there!
xpaperxcutx Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 OMG, that's just proves the point that online dating is where all the wackjobs are.
vonerik012 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 LOL.. All humans are wackjobs. The online format just drags it out of you.
Jilly Bean Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Oh, Butters, that was just SUCH a funny recap. Not that you had to live it, mind you, as that surely sucked! But Hummer guy was the BEST. I've done OLD, and it does blow. Lots of phonies, blowhards, people who can't function IRL... It's just a numbers game and takes some time to weed out the good ones. Want to hear about the OLD guy I met and told me on our first date that he had sold his soul to the Devil? That was fun... Hang in there, hon. Better days ahead...
D-Lish Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Don't delete your profile just yet. I've been online dating for a while. I have met some whack-jobs, some nice guys, some liars, and 2 or three that I had a connection with and dated for a while. I've also met a few guys I have remained friends with - purely platonic - and that alone has been worth having a profile up. Sure- there will be some disappointments and some liars... but I have met just as many jerks or whackjobs out and about socially. I meet people and get approached in real life too- but being online just makes the pond you fish in a little bigger- which is never a bad thing. With the online dating stuff- there is a lot of flake behaviour going on. I think peole get freaked out at the notion of meeting a stranger sometimes so they have good intentions, but avoid an actual meeting. For me, being the only single person amongst a group of friends that are hooked up, engaged or having kids.... going out and being in a social situation to meet people is difficult sometimes. So being online is just another avenue of meeting someone. Yeah, there will be flakes, losers, jerks on the online scene (there are a few on this forum)... but normal good guys have profiles up as well. Don't give up. I had a few weird experiences- now I take more time chatting with someone and asking for a lot of pictures first before I go out with someone.
vonerik012 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Save yourself a lot of time, and give up. You made the right decision. Spend your time doing things you enjoy, going out to places, improving yourself etc. Join a gym, check out your local meet ups in your city etc. Some people meet 300 people online and ignore all the more successful avenues, but "Still keep trying". It is good for casual sex, but not much past that in the long term.
pandagirl Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I think online dating is a good way to meet people you wouldn't normally meet, but I feel like because of the sheer numbers of potential people, it breeds dissatisfaction. You think you'll meet someone "better" or "more perfect" because of all the possibilities. How can you keep your mind on on person, when there another 100 men/women right around the corner? Of course, if two people meet on the same page, ie. both looking for a serious relationship, then something good can happen!
D-Lish Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Save yourself a lot of time, and give up. You made the right decision. Spend your time doing things you enjoy, going out to places, improving yourself etc. Join a gym, check out your local meet ups in your city etc. Some people meet 300 people online and ignore all the more successful avenues, but "Still keep trying". It is good for casual sex, but not much past that in the long term. I check my mail once a day for like 10 minutes- AND work out, do the things I enjoy, go to the dog park, and get my other things done. I think it's only a problem if you're addicted to checking your mail or obsessed with finding "mr/mrs perfect. With a "no expectations" attitude- I see no harm in keeping up a profile. As I said- I have two or three really close male friends I met from POF. It hasn't been one big disappointment or waste of time for me. Yes- there are a lot of request for ONS.... but they get deleted. I know of three couples who met from lava or pof that are either engaged or married- worked for them. Then again- I did have that one date with a hippie that kept lifting his leg and farting throughout dinner... was even doing the face clinch as he did it. Oh- and there was the other that was a spit talker.... I couldn't eat my dinner because when he talked I could see little spittle balls flying across the table landing in my pasta. Here is how I can break it down in my experience: Awful dates: 10% Bad dates" 20% Pleasant dates without a connection: 40% Wanting a second date: 20% Chemistry and further dates/relationship happened: 10% Of the pleasant dates- I remain friends with a few. So, I spend 10 minutes checking my mail everyday... it's really no hardship or barrier to my social life. So why not?
vonerik012 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Well if it is working for you, keep it up. Not everyone has the same personality, and it isn't for everyone. Not everyone likes blind dates. I would rather see a girl anywhere, ask her out, and get to know her. I don't like spending my time on dates with women that there is little chance of compatibility. Who has time to meet and introduce yourself to 100 people? I would rather spend my time being productive. I also don't want to have a relationship with a serial dater. A woman that is so used to going out with strange men she never met before. But thats just me.
Author butterflygirl68 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 Well, I deleted my profile! I decided online dating isn't for me. I don't have the time or energy to go on 100+ dates to find "the one." Plus, I think if I actually did find someone, would he still be looking through profiles trying to find someone better? My ex-husband found a wonderful girl he dated for about 18 months. She was great with him, my kids, and I really hoped they'd marry. But, he was always convinced there was someone better out there and just wouldn't stop looking online. She finally dumped him and he's still looking! I have a full-time job, I hang out with girlfriends after work and on weekends, and I'm very active in my kids' sports activities. So, I'm out and about. I'm not just sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. It's just frustrating when it seems like everyone has someone but me. Hopefully one of these days I'll find someone!
yongyong Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Every WOMEN say, how weird people they met all I can say is Birds of Feather Flock Together
torranceshipman Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I think its a numbers game...loved your recap, lol, the short guy in the carpet slippers was funny!! But hang in there - you will meet a good guy eventually! Just as an aside, did you pay a subscription to the dating site you used, or was it a free one? I'd have thought there might be more wackos on the free ones...
DunnoWhat Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Online dating is just another way of meeting people. Some people online are liars etc but so what just don't take it too seriously. If you want to do it the traditional way then thats fine too. That way though is more awkward because you may meet a great person and then find out they're married etc. As well as that you have to ask them all the questions that you can just read off a profile but it has it's advantages too. Awful dates: 10% Bad dates" 20% Pleasant dates without a connection: 40% Wanting a second date: 20% Chemistry and further dates/relationship happened: 10% Thats basically it. Some people expect to meet their dream man/woman on the first date. They have a few bad experiances and say online dating isn't for them when in reality they may have missed out by quiting early. For me its... -Awful dates: 5% -Bad dates: 10% -Pleasant dates without a connection: 65% -Chemistry and further dates/relationship happened: 20%
ABrokenWing Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Don't delete your profile just yet. I've been online dating for a while. I have met some whack-jobs, some nice guys, some liars, and 2 or three that I had a connection with and dated for a while. I've also met a few guys I have remained friends with - purely platonic - and that alone has been worth having a profile up. Sure- there will be some disappointments and some liars... but I have met just as many jerks or whackjobs out and about socially. I meet people and get approached in real life too- but being online just makes the pond you fish in a little bigger- which is never a bad thing. With the online dating stuff- there is a lot of flake behaviour going on. I think peole get freaked out at the notion of meeting a stranger sometimes so they have good intentions, but avoid an actual meeting. For me, being the only single person amongst a group of friends that are hooked up, engaged or having kids.... going out and being in a social situation to meet people is difficult sometimes. So being online is just another avenue of meeting someone. Yeah, there will be flakes, losers, jerks on the online scene (there are a few on this forum)... but normal good guys have profiles up as well. Don't give up. I had a few weird experiences- now I take more time chatting with someone and asking for a lot of pictures first before I go out with someone. well said, I'm hoping my experience with online will end up being a good one.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 100 dates is not something to brag about...that's pretty much the story of everyone who dates online...they can't get dates in person,t hat's why they go on there...think about it. She wasn't bragging at all. I don't know where you got that. The point was that she had to go on 100 dates before she found someone compatible. That's a lot of people to meet and spend time with, and I'm not sure I would be willing to do that. This girl who went on 100 dates is very good looking, smart, and personable, as are most women I know here. Those of us doing the online thing (yes, I'm dipping my foot in the pool again) are looking for another avenue of meeting people, like D-Lish said. I can't meet people through my job and I know all my friends friends so where does that leave me? The bars? Most guys I meet in bars are younger than me and just looking for a good time, not a relationship. There are exceptions of course, but I've been going out a long time and this is what I generally find in my area.
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