movingonandon Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 So my girlfriend of 4 years dumps me, fine. Her rationale, however, still baffles me. First, the minimum necessary prehistory: Lived together for 3 years, then 2 years long-distance relationship while I took a temporary job while she finishes graduate school (both of us are 31). Throughout the relationship she has always been pathologically jealous, altough for the most part she has bolted it inside. I've never, ever given any reason for her to suspect infidelity, and I've always been true to her. When she decides to talk about these fears, she brings up ridiculous, petty episodes as evidence of my infidelity: we are talking of about ridiculously petty things: literally 3 episodes where I've been inatentive to her in the presence of other girls. Anyway, I've not been the perfect boyfriend, particularly in pressuring her (nagging) to gather her s**t together and finally finish her degree so we could finally live together again, and generally I have a pretty abrupt personality, and i know she's been unhappy of these things. However, these are not valid reasons for a breakup, especially given that I acknowledged them and tried to fix them (the atempts stopped with her dumping me, not with me giving up). Also, I was very inattentive to her during an excrutiating and long job search. so yes, I know I've wronged her in some ways. However, other than such character imperfections, I believe (without a trace of being cocky), that I am a very desireable partner: handsome, very good shape, professionally accomplshed, with a very good creer prospects, zero addictions or bad habits, and she did know that I loved her. Moreover, she knew I could not wait to really start a life together, for real. But, eventually, she dumps me for a goofy looking, indebted loser with major family problems (no, I'm not just bitter, she had acknowledged that he is worse than me in all respects). Her explanation - unlike me, he's sincere and she can "trust him", the implicit meaning being that somehow I'm "too good for her" and how "I can have the attention of thousands of women" but not hers... So quite honestly, I'm not even bitter anymore, I'm well on my way to move on, but I am quite worried about her and her life if she keeps making such choices based on apparently very serious underlying issues... Anybody else had similar experience?
vonerik012 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I dont understand it myself... My ex was a jealous monster. Always thinking I will find another woman, be with another woman, leave her, etc. She tells me I am handsome, make good money, I am good in bed, there is no way i will stay with her. She would constantly think I am looking at other girls wherever we went. Now she is 8000 miles away, and I really have no clue of what she is doing. All I know is she never trusted me.
justaman99 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 My ex was over jealous as well. She even said I was flirting with an airline ticket counter woman once. Now, not to say anything mean but I am a white male, 33, tall with an athletic build. This woman was 40ish, African American and of a ummm, well heavy set nature let's just put it that way. I love talking to people and I was having fun with her and some older asian man next to me, having a good laugh about something random. Maybe she thought I was hitting on the asian man too??????? -Just
vonerik012 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Justaman thats funny.. Me and my ex went to a foreign country, and while eating dinner I was looking at the table next to us to see what they were eating, as I have never seen it before. The people were about 65. I am 30. So, she got up and left because I am not respecting her, and I am looking at other women, lol. This happened almost nightly..
Author movingonandon Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 Justaman thats funny.. Me and my ex went to a foreign country, and while eating dinner I was looking at the table next to us to see what they were eating, as I have never seen it before. The people were about 65. I am 30. So, she got up and left because I am not respecting her, and I am looking at other women, lol. This happened almost nightly.. Wow... I'd have poked fun of such a behavior if it wasn't indicative of serious inner issues... I hope my and your exes do get at the bottom of this and lead normal lives though, really. I've seen an instance of what could happent to a woman with such issues - I had a friend who cheats and dumps her longtime boyfriend about to marry her, then goes through a period of random relationships, followed by an incredibly quick marriage to a horrible, horrible partner to whom she feels no affection or attraction whatsoever AND has no gains at all (e.g. in earning power or social standing...) I'm not religious, but let's stop for a second and pray to whoever's upstairs that our (ex)girls don't end up like this...
Author movingonandon Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 I dont understand it myself... My ex was a jealous monster. Always thinking I will find another woman, be with another woman, leave her, etc. She tells me I am handsome, make good money, I am good in bed, there is no way i will stay with her. She would constantly think I am looking at other girls wherever we went. Now she is 8000 miles away, and I really have no clue of what she is doing. All I know is she never trusted me. Yeah, exactly. and it's kinda sad, but now I wish I did more to reassure my ex-girlfriend, but... at the end of the day, it's not like I've been non-stop cold & distant - i'd always give her a hug for no reason etc., apparently not enough... But, trust cannot come from the outside...
vonerik012 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Don't worry.. I did enough reassuring for both of us, and it only got worse. I tried every possible way. It got to the point where I tried not to look anywhere at all, and still somehow, I was looking at other women.
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