SundaeMorning Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 i think of you first thing in the morning, and it drives me crazy. aghhhh, it's been two months since the breakup. and two months since i've even seen the person with whom i spent the majority of the last three years and pictured our future together. while i was counting the days to figure out when that last email was sent, i couldnt believe it. it's only been 9 days but it feels like 9 MONTHS. and it was just an email about a school appointment.. not about us or.. what used to be us or how horrible i feel or how he misses me so much, heh. don't i wish? i can't stand that the moment there's a lull in my day/night, my thoughts automatically go toward him. a person can't keep busy every second of the day! i can't distract myself constantly, and i can't be all up in my friends' faces 24/7. i had a really good week... and last nite, i couldn't sleep. i opened up my phone to read the old text messages. i never understand how someone can say the nicest, sweetest, LOVING things to you up to the day b4 the breakup. but i guess it all comes down to "actions speak louder than words." anyway, so i had his myspace open for a few minutes yesterday, and i was typing up a message to him. not about anything significant... about a song i'd heard on the radio, and to ask how the school appointment went. and just as i was about to click "send," i x'ed out of the screen completely! YES! (i even woke up this morning and thought 'oh crap, did i send it?!') so i guess i'm glad i didn't, haha. within the last 9 days, after that last email was sent, i felt like it was still to early to do the friends thing and i started thinking... "do i really even want to? whether or not it can happen eventually? do i WANT to be JUST his friend?" he sent me a myspace comment and a text msg here or there about random little things.. i didn't reply (yay me!) bc i honestly didn't have anything to say. i mean, they were just little random comments about a song or food or a movie. something i'd send to a friend when i'm bored. i felt like if i were to reply, we'd go into this 'friends' thing which i don't know if i am ready for or want. i have a job interview in a couple of hours... (see? i'm tryin to work on me and my life, too!) and i just wish you weren't in my head. get out get out get out!!!!!!! now i'm rambling on LS just to make sure i don't contact you. then why am i so torn? i'm afraid you'll stop sending me stupid little random things bc it lets me know you're thinking of me, for whatever reason and that you're not heartless and insanely happy without me in your life. forget getting back together, i can deal with that (eventually) - i just want to know you miss me. but i'm supposed to get to the point of not caring, right?! ah, my head is so **cked. shut up, brain. i have a new job to go out and get!
Gala Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Sundae - This will change. I can't tell you when, but it will. A few years ago I had gotten over a relationship, and a longtime guy friend was grieving one of his own. At one point I was encouraging him, and reminded him that yes, he would quit thinking of her first thing in the morning. He hadn't told me this was happening, but yup -- it was. So it is common...and so is healing. Be patient, especially if you are young. Take care.
northstar1 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 i think of you first thing in the morning, and it drives me crazy. aghhhh, it's been two months since the breakup. and two months since i've even seen the person with whom i spent the majority of the last three years and pictured our future together. while i was counting the days to figure out when that last email was sent, i couldnt believe it. it's only been 9 days but it feels like 9 MONTHS. and it was just an email about a school appointment.. not about us or.. what used to be us or how horrible i feel or how he misses me so much, heh. don't i wish? i can't stand that the moment there's a lull in my day/night, my thoughts automatically go toward him. a person can't keep busy every second of the day! i can't distract myself constantly, and i can't be all up in my friends' faces 24/7. i had a really good week... and last nite, i couldn't sleep. i opened up my phone to read the old text messages. i never understand how someone can say the nicest, sweetest, LOVING things to you up to the day b4 the breakup. but i guess it all comes down to "actions speak louder than words." anyway, so i had his myspace open for a few minutes yesterday, and i was typing up a message to him. not about anything significant... about a song i'd heard on the radio, and to ask how the school appointment went. and just as i was about to click "send," i x'ed out of the screen completely! YES! (i even woke up this morning and thought 'oh crap, did i send it?!') so i guess i'm glad i didn't, haha. within the last 9 days, after that last email was sent, i felt like it was still to early to do the friends thing and i started thinking... "do i really even want to? whether or not it can happen eventually? do i WANT to be JUST his friend?" he sent me a myspace comment and a text msg here or there about random little things.. i didn't reply (yay me!) bc i honestly didn't have anything to say. i mean, they were just little random comments about a song or food or a movie. something i'd send to a friend when i'm bored. i felt like if i were to reply, we'd go into this 'friends' thing which i don't know if i am ready for or want. i have a job interview in a couple of hours... (see? i'm tryin to work on me and my life, too!) and i just wish you weren't in my head. get out get out get out!!!!!!! now i'm rambling on LS just to make sure i don't contact you. then why am i so torn? i'm afraid you'll stop sending me stupid little random things bc it lets me know you're thinking of me, for whatever reason and that you're not heartless and insanely happy without me in your life. forget getting back together, i can deal with that (eventually) - i just want to know you miss me. but i'm supposed to get to the point of not caring, right?! ah, my head is so **cked. shut up, brain. i have a new job to go out and get! Don't forget, two months is not a long time. You need to try and get to the mindset that he will not contact you to send those little notes. Sending/receivingt those just keeps you hanging onto hope. I understand the desire to hear from them, to know they still think of you, and to want to send them litttle texts about random things. But the sooner you realize that these little bits of contact keep you back, the sooner you'll begin to really heal.
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