Cose Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Well, this is pretty long, so please stay with me, I really need help with this one. I met my ex girlfriend a while back, but it was not to get together. When me and her initially met, we were arguing (I honestly do not remember for what, but it was something about one of my best friends). So, the fighting went on for couple of weeks (before I asked her out, I know, arguing from the start, thats a good sign ). Eventually, we settled our differences, and became friends. After couple weeks of talking, she decided she wanted to go out with me. I was hesitant because I just got over another break up, but thats a different story, lol. A few days passed, and she started to really show her emotions for me, telling me she loved me, and she couldn't live without me and she "doesn't sleep at night, because I wont be with her". I started to share feelings for her, and agreed to start dating. Things were amazing for a while. She told me she loved me all the time, and I told her that I loved her too, which I really did. We would talk for hours, and she seemed really happy. She is insecure about herself (troubled child hood), and I was always there to cheer her up when she was feeling down, or self conscience about herself in anyway, and it even reached the point where she told me that I "showed her what it was like to be happy, and that she would never let me go." So, today, at 2 o'clock am, I hear something go off on my phone, a text message, but I thought I was dreaming it, so I didn't move to see what it was. About 30 minutes later, I got up, to get something to drink, and I checked my phone, just to see if there was really a message or not. There was a message, and it was from her. In the message, she told me, in one small paragraph, she does not think we should be together anymore, and that I am more like a brother to her, then a boyfriend. I start flipping out, crying, the whole 9 yards, because I have really strong feelings for her. I start thinking to myself what I could have possibly done to her, considering I was talking to her before, and she was telling me how much she loved me. After a few minutes of thinking what I could have possibly done, I hop on my computer, to talk to someone about it. I turn to one of my best friends. I start talking to him, and when I brought up the subject, he got really defensive, and tried to change the subject immediately. I asked him why he was acting like this, and he said no reason. Then all of a sudden, it clicked. I asked him, if she was dating him now, and he finally said yes. When I saw his response, I didn't know how to answer, considering he knew my feelings for her, so I just kind of signed off my comp. I went to lay down, but immediately got very angry. Not at her really, but at him, for doing what he did. It reached the point, where I started hitting walls, and throwing things around. So, I log back on, not to talk to him, but to talk with one of my other friends about this, because hes one of the only people I trust and feel comfortable with, and I know he would be able to calm me down (lets call him Ion). Ion does not live near me, and actually lives across the country in California, so I cant talk to him that much. After a short while of talking to Ion, I feel immensely better, and started browsing websites, for a active forum, to seek additional help, and I saw this site. I know that time heals these kinds of things, and doing my hobbies would help the process even more (I draw and paint legal street art for businesses, and am really into heavy metal, and rock music), but I cant seem to get this situation off of my mind, even if I start to draw something, or listen to something. I would not have minded as much if she went on to date some other person, but to go out with one of my best friends is like rubbing salt in the wound, and not even having the courage to tell me in person makes it hurt even more. The fact that it was a short paragraph (4 or 5 sentences...) break up message makes me cringe. I still have feelings for this girl, but its bitter sweet. I still love her, but I feel bitter that she would do this to me. I just want to know what to do here. Should I start ignoring this girl, or talk to her and tell her my feelings. Well, thanks for reading my amazingly long thread, and I hope someone out there can help me out. D:
Ronni_W Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Should I start ignoring this girl, or talk to her and tell her my feelings. That would depend on your personality and your goals -- if you talk to her about your feelings of betrayal and hurt, what is your best hope of how things will turn out? And. What are you planning to do about your guy "friend"? There is much to be said for learning HEALTHY anger release techniques -- jogging, gardening, housework (physical activity), journaling, counseling, intention-specific artwork or other creative output, for examples. Sorry for your 'double whammy' experience. As you say, feelings will ease over time and with your conscious efforts. But it still sucks, doesn't it?
Author Cose Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 That would depend on your personality and your goals -- if you talk to her about your feelings of betrayal and hurt, what is your best hope of how things will turn out? And. What are you planning to do about your guy "friend"? There is much to be said for learning HEALTHY anger release techniques -- jogging, gardening, housework (physical activity), journaling, counseling, intention-specific artwork or other creative output, for examples. Sorry for your 'double whammy' experience. As you say, feelings will ease over time and with your conscious efforts. But it still sucks, doesn't it? Thanks for the response, as of now, im NC with her, I still want to talk to her though, I think im just going to wait it out a little while.
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