selena_cat Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I sent a pretend e-mail but saves it as a draft,but I never ever mailed it thankgoodnes,, because really,there are not enough words to say,'it couldve been a very long essay but al it does is put the ball on their court,and most likely,not all you wont get the response youre looking for I fel better for not doing that and please disregard my weal moments in posting feel liek breaking NC,thhat I and no one wants to do ifyou want to keep your dignity, plus thay already Know how you feel,simple as that
watermeloncandy Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 sending a letter isn't about hearing back from them or what their response to it is. it's a way for you to clearly express to the person your feelings. it isn't about lambasting them or calling them names etc. it's about giving yourself closure and saying goodbye. from what i hear, most of the time you never hear back from them. at least you've said everything that you needed to say. i sent mine yesterday. it was heartfelt and succinct. i did not call him names. i stated facts and my feeling about what he'd done and told him that i could not have someone who behaved like that in my life. i also thanked him for certain things, and said good bye. today my phone rang and it was him. i ignored the call. his message was asking me to call him when i got the chance. i will not call him back. he most likely did not receive the letter since i only mailed it yesterday morning, but i have already said goodbye to him. he'll probably get the letter monday and then understand why i never called him back. how he reacts to the letter, i don't know. i hope it makes some kind of an impact on him, but it doesn't really matter at this point.
citizen67 Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 It's always bad to leave a paper trail also: Never speak to the press
Angel1111 Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 I sent the letter a few years ago to someone that I knew loved me but wouldn't change his life to be with me. I felt worn down from the relationship and wanted it to either move forward or end. I poured my heart out and let him know that I felt we were losing one another, reminded him of things he said to me, yadda, yadda, yadda. He called me the next day and we talked. And in that conversation, he told me, "I don't want you to wait for me. I'm never leaving my situation." I just about died on the spot...even though I knew in my heart that was what he'd say. To him, the letter made me look like a love-sick puppy who took things way more seriously than he meant them. I actually came across that letter just a few days ago (I kept a copy hidden in a journal as though it were something sacred) and cringed just reading parts of it. I asked myself, "What in the world ever posessed me to write this whiney, self-pitying, 2-page essay?" When we're in the kind of deep pain that gives birth to 'the letter', our words sound so completely reasonable at the time - as though we're going to hit on the exact phrase, the perfect rhyme that will spin their heads around and see the world as clearly as we do. But when the rain stops and the clouds disappear, our perspective aligns with reality once again and the letter suddenly resembles something along the lines of rabid insanity. So, in case you haven't heard it enough times in your thread, don't send the letter.
gd26 Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 I actually came across that letter just a few days ago (I kept a copy hidden in a journal as though it were something sacred) and cringed just reading parts of it. I asked myself, "What in the world ever posessed me to write this whiney, self-pitying, 2-page essay?" When we're in the kind of deep pain that gives birth to 'the letter', our words sound so completely reasonable at the time - as though we're going to hit on the exact phrase, the perfect rhyme that will spin their heads around and see the world as clearly as we do. But when the rain stops and the clouds disappear, our perspective aligns with reality once again and the letter suddenly resembles something along the lines of rabid insanity. So, in case you haven't heard it enough times in your thread, don't send the letter. I agree with you 100%. We always feel we have something enlightening to tell the other, and that if they just understand where we are coming from.... all the conflict would be resolved, and they'd make amends, and take us in their arms. Too bad things don't work this way. It primarily only serves to scare them off. If it makes you feel better... 2 page letters were the norm for me. My longest to the last guy was 11 pages of pouring out my heart. And there were several other 4-5 page letters in there. He still wants to be friends after all that, but the relationship possibility seems pretty much gone now.
Angel1111 Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 I agree with you 100%. We always feel we have something enlightening to tell the other, and that if they just understand where we are coming from.... all the conflict would be resolved, and they'd make amends, and take us in their arms. Too bad things don't work this way. It primarily only serves to scare them off. If it makes you feel better... 2 page letters were the norm for me. My longest to the last guy was 11 pages of pouring out my heart. And there were several other 4-5 page letters in there. He still wants to be friends after all that, but the relationship possibility seems pretty much gone now. I think I've done the 11-pagers, too, but never sent them. Well, I think women in particular are motivated to write the proverbial letter...sometimes novel. Do you remember the 'Friends' episode where Rachel wrote an 11-pg letter that she made Ross read? It was pretty funny and definitely hit home with all of us letter writers. Well, my letter didn't destroy my relationship with the guy, believe it or not. He cooled off for awhile but that didn't last. We're friends now and seem to share a soulful love/friendship for one another that neither of us can fully let go of - but that's as far as I'll let it go. The letter doesn't always kill emotions but it can make you feel kinda dumb later on.
Intergalactic Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 i've written the letters. i don't think i regret it so much, because i did it for me mostly. i just felt like i had to get it out before i could "move on". with the ex before the current ex, i wrote him the final letter about 6 months after we broke up and we were both living in different countries. i sent it about a year later, along with all the letters i'd never sent PLUS the letters he'd sent me over the course of our relationship. i emailed him and told him i was sending them, and that this was the end for us, for good. and i haven't spoken to him since! it was very theraputic. with the current ex, i didn't send any letters but i did send about a billion very long and detailed txts, some of which he replied to but mostly just said "can we talk about this in person?" so we'd get together but nothing new was said. i don't know what i was trying to acheive but it didn't work.
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