Hansha Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Okay, I've only posted here once or so ago, and I got some pointers here and there. With LS, I have managed to detach from my pseudo-affair. In summary, I had fallen in love with a peer of mine who had, in addition in being in an emotional affair with me, was involved with another man besides her boyfriend. I had no fuss with the relationship between her and her boyfriend but had TREMENDOUS jealousy issues with her OM, or as I usually refer to, her sancho or 'Mr. Ego' (due to his fairly self-centered personality and behavior, and I quote "Not only did it hurt you, but more importantly it hurt me"). This jealousy made me question if I should be 'official' with the affair, and openly declare myself as an OW rather than just the convenient 'supportive best friend', thus my first post here. As for the issue I would like to have some support or counseling on, I wanted to get some feedback on what I've done in response. Thanks to LS, I confidently severed nearly all emotional ties with that woman, for being the source of such immense emotional pain. (She in return reacted in scorn, contempt, and bitter anger, but we're fine now I think.) With relief from constraints of affection and lust, I enacted my revenge for my sorrows by using a very dirty trick. Disillusionment. With sadistic pride I told her everything I knew about her OM, and all the things I had previously promised to keep it between him and myself (we had nearly dated, and he wanted to buy my love). But when it was unsuccessful as she STILL was just as affectionate to him, I did so once more, but this time with a legitimate, untampered, unadulterated document of a conversation I had with his ex ( whom he dumped in hopes of buying me). She saw how much he was a lying, hypocritical, horny, self-centered, egotistical person he was. Things seem to be falling apart between them as she's becoming more loving to her BF, and that she's feeling a bit uncomfortable that he's obsessed enough to travel so far just to make the affair a physical one. Once again, feedback would be nice, and any tips/tidbits are welcome. I feel sorry for her, and yet, sadistically ecstatic at the suffering they're getting after all the pain I experienced. (By the way, the hatred is mutual between the OM and I. He wants to murder me. c: -Ren
underpants Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Do you enjoy this drama? Does it elate and fulfill you? Is it a temporary sort of high/low fix? Do you think you have more invested in a potential relationship with an indecisive woman, or the other male in this triangle? Is the competition taking precedence over an overall goal? Think hard. A person who will play one person against another and also play the vicitm card at the same time is not someone I would deem stable enough to withstand any sort of real realtionship with. Think.
torranceshipman Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I didnt actually understand this story? But whatever, sounds like an extremely unhealthy fixation that you have...move on and find new things to do in YOUR life and stop obsessing over OTHER peoples lives.
LadyDi Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Revenge always seems like such a great idea, but after you've done something...it really doesn't feel that good, now does it? I know I never did. Try and forget it all. Move on. If she wants your company, she'll call. Until then, be indifferent, no matter how hard it is to fake. Good Luck!
Angel1111 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I didnt actually understand this story? But whatever, sounds like an extremely unhealthy fixation that you have...move on and find new things to do in YOUR life and stop obsessing over OTHER peoples lives. I didn't understand it, either.
Author Hansha Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 The drama elates me, yes. I haven't gotten a 'low' yet. I had more invested in the indecisive one but I've since detached from them all. I wasn't so much competing either. I believe I wasn't because I simply did not openly pursue her as he did. I let him have her for the most part. As for the instability part, you may or may not be right. Although, I rarely do this. it is the sheer fact that I hate him, as well as feel jealous of him that drives me. Additionally, the idea of him being so confident that he'll take her away from her partner bugs me. I wouldn't have done that, and I haven't done that. Torrance and Angel, sorry for the lack of lucidity. I typed it up in one of those stream of consciousness thing. I had jealousy issues, and I wanted to make them suffer for that stuff I felt. And I felt elated to see the suffering in a sadistic way. And as a side note, I have made an effort in just moving away and on. Sorry for not mentioning that tidbit. I did my damage and backed out. I no longer feel attached to her romantically, and how she lives her life is her own business. I don't really talk to her anymore unless she talks to me, or there's something I really need to contact her for.
nunyanunya Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 sounds like you've got it straightened out. Congrats on being able to remove your romantic feelings and back away. I know for some its not so easy. (dont worry, that wasn't a stab at you). I think others here might emphasize that if she has caused you so much pain as to encourage you to play them off against each other, than I think that any sort of contact you have with her has the ability to damage you. You might want to consider in your logical brain committing to NC. As to your sadism, I withhold comment ;-)
Author Hansha Posted August 3, 2008 Author Posted August 3, 2008 Thanks! But the second to last sentence lost me clarify?
nunyanunya Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I don't really talk to her anymore unless she talks to me, or there's something I really need to contact her for. the long sentence was a response to this part of your post, which you hint that you may continue to have contact with her. My advice was that if the pain this has caused you is any indicator of your level of attachment and vulnerability, and I might say that that level would be high as evidenced by your feeling motivated to "pit them against each other", that you might be doing yourself a disservice by continuing to contact her at all, that you risk being affected by her in a negative way. unless you meant a different sentence of mine.
Author Hansha Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 Nono. I get it. I suppose the reason for bothering to contacter her at all is my indecisive nature, and teenageness.
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