me003 Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I was wondering if after ending an A, if any OW have gone to counseling? If so what advice would you give someone? The reason why I ask is because of the below.... I JUST WANT YOU TO SHARE WHAT HEALTH COUNSELOR HAS TOLD YOU. I know some will try to analyze my actions, his action, her actions and you can, but I would REALLY just want what a professional in the field has said... don't mean to offend anyone if I have. _My XMM got found out by BS, BS found email proof that he had been having an affair with me and another W. _I ended A but he had been emailing someone else and BS thought that it was me, which it wasn't. _MM emailed me a nasty email telling me to stay away from him (why? I initiated the NC, yet he is telling me to stay away) and CC:ed BS. _MM is now texting me and calling me telling me to stop crank calling him (I have no idea what he is talking about, and I told him that he could see my cell phone bill if he didn't believe me) This happened after BS found and old email from OOW and emailed it to her, MM, and me. _He is now making it seem like I am calling him and hanging up on him. I think that the OOW is the one calling, but since he denied anything about her to BS, he is blaming me (just a theory) _OOW used to work at his old job, but from the email conversation they had, it was more than just an EA.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 The BS made him write a NC letter. He's trying to pin the blame on you so the jig isn't up with OW#2. Call the W and tell her you're not the one doing it and throw OW#2 under the bus. GEL
Dark-N-Romantic Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 It does not sound like you need counseling Me003, it sounds like you need a lawyer to sue his butt and slap a restraining order on him. It is clear whatever his problem is, it was not solved and now it is costing him big time. What you now need to do is keep track of all the calls and messages he gives you and then turn them over to the police. If you don't want to do that, the change your email addy and get a new phone number. DNR
torranceshipman Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Yea restraining order 100% the way to go. Don't get pulled into replying or other over emotional conversations as they both sound mad - other than maybe sending something official saying you are 100% happy to provide phone records to prove it wasnt you making these calls, etc, that they clearly need to get caller ID, and that clearly they need to take this issue up with OOW, then provide her name and place of work (so BS sees this) and make it clear what the difference between your email add and hers is - and say that his is their mess, not yours - that you dont want to hear from them again - then make it VERY clear you will take legal action if this harassment persists. Jeez what a CLASS A scumbag!!!!
wildsoul Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Yikes. You're being scapegoated so he can keep the other one hidden. I don't know if you need a lawyer, but it would be smart to do 2 things: 1. No contact from your side what-so-ever. Squeaky clean and non-reactive. 2. Keep a simple file folder with printed copies of any emails and time/date of phone calls. Remember: don't respond to these! Just track in case you need to do a restraining order later. Restraining orders are not all that effective. Better to just go totally NC. Put filters on your email so stuff gets auto-deleted or change your addy. Eventually, the OOW and him will get caught anyways.
torranceshipman Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Do you have an email or other records of txts etc between you both? As this will show your last communication (you ending it). That'd help big time. Print it all out and mail it then say you refuse to have any further communication as you ended it, but they are now harassing you, and they need to stop (with clear indication that the email replied to by the exMM was clearly to a different email address than yours). I agree, sharp hard action the complete 100% refusal to communicate further.
Lookingforward Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I was wondering if after ending an A, if any OW have gone to counseling? If so what advice would you give someone? The reason why I ask is because of the below.... I JUST WANT YOU TO SHARE WHAT HEALTH COUNSELOR HAS TOLD YOU. I know some will try to analyze my actions, his action, her actions and you can, but I would REALLY just want what a professional in the field has said... don't mean to offend anyone if I have. _My XMM got found out by BS, BS found email proof that he had been having an affair with me and another W. _I ended A but he had been emailing someone else and BS thought that it was me, which it wasn't. _MM emailed me a nasty email telling me to stay away from him (why? I initiated the NC, yet he is telling me to stay away) and CC:ed BS. _MM is now texting me and calling me telling me to stop crank calling him (I have no idea what he is talking about, and I told him that he could see my cell phone bill if he didn't believe me) This happened after BS found and old email from OOW and emailed it to her, MM, and me. _He is now making it seem like I am calling him and hanging up on him. I think that the OOW is the one calling, but since he denied anything about her to BS, he is blaming me (just a theory) _OOW used to work at his old job, but from the email conversation they had, it was more than just an EA. If you have the BSes email addy from the cc email - send her an email and cc HIM - tell her you ended it and if her H contacts you again they will be hearing from your lawyer (also throw in about you're not the OW she needs to be concerned about - just as a kicker)
Author me003 Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 The OOW used to work at his old job. BS, claims that she knew everyone that worked there. OOW used to work VERY close with him. BS sent the 3 of us this... to which he denied having anything with OOW. 1. Examples of impulses: Going straight up to you and telling you that you are coming with me. Going to your house in the middle of night and "rip" your clothes off and take you body over. Making you permanently mine and adjusting it to our circumstances. Telling you EVERYTHING, the bad, the good and the remorse. After she sent this he "Claimed" that "I will honor YOU faithfully and no other."
Author me003 Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 The OOW used to work at his old job. BS, claims that she knew everyone that worked there. OOW used to work VERY close with him. BS sent the 3 of us this... to which he denied having anything with OOW. 1. Examples of impulses: Going straight up to you and telling you that you are coming with me. Going to your house in the middle of night and "rip" your clothes off and take you body over. Making you permanently mine and adjusting it to our circumstances. Telling you EVERYTHING, the bad, the good and the remorse. After she sent this he "Claimed" that "I will honor YOU faithfully and no other." There is more to the email.. but this is the part that stood at the most.... This and more is where he claims that there is nothing going on with them.
nadiaj2727 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Since you've done nothing wrong, just go on your merry way ingoring him. Block him from your email. If you can't block him, change your email and close the other one. Just don't be involved in his drama or immaturity anymore. He has his own crap to work out and you don't want to be involved in it! And yes I've gone to counseling, I am a former OW, and my therapist told me to concentrate on MYSELF. If you concentrate on yourself and do everything to block this toxin from your life, you will feel a big relief! And as an attorney I wouldn't think you should try to take any legal action against him until you've exhausted your own attempts to make sure you have no more contact from him or availability for him to contact him. Going to court is expensive and if there is an easier and more self-sufficient way to handle him rather than going to court first, I advise that. You wouldn't be privy to any of this information about what is going on in his life/ marriage if you had made sure there was no way for him to contact you that would work. Good luck. I'm not a therapist but I've spent lots of money on a good one and I advise you to focus on yourself and your own life, not his life. If he really does make your life miserable desipte your very best efforts to distance yourself from him completely, then yes, take further methods such as the legal system. But otherwise a RO won't stick and you will have problems finding an attorney to take your case.
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