My Girl says she doesn't love me anymore

[StillHangingontoHope]

Honestly I don't really know how to begin here. I could write so much but I'll just start from the beginning.

Four days ago my girlfriend of 7 years and the mother of my two children who are 3 and 2 came home from a trip she taken with her uncle, dad, and a mutual friend of the family. I was excited to see her and had been doing a lot of little things around the house to help her so she had literally nothing to do and could wind down from her vacation. The nature of the trip was they had gone on a weeklong horseback ride up north. As she came up the driveway our conversation was very plain and unfeeling. I had detected for probably about 3 weeks the distance between us so I worked up the courage to ask what she was thinking. What I heard next was the most brutal honestly I think I’ve ever been told. She said I don’t think I’m in love with you anymore and goes onto say she has felt this way for a while but that she wasn’t going to say anything because she felt she needed to work past it herself. I was just shocked. I’m still in shock, blown away by this aspect that this person I have built my life up around who was the object of my love and affection was now telling me that she didn’t love me and that she was sorry that she hurt me but that she didn’t really care. I suppose that is what hurts the worst because many times in the past I was so used to having her as that pillar to lean on. So After hearing this I started going through what I suppose is a natural thought process when these things happen and began to ask the questions why? What did I do or not do? Was I completely blind? Have I in fact been so disconnected that I didn’t realize what was going on in front of my very eyes.

 

At any rate she went on to say were different people now, we’ve grown up, were getting older and that you’re a wonderful dad, your good to me, you have a great job, you always pay the bills on time etc but I’m confused. Of course this is no consolation to you when you feel like you’ve just had your heart dug out of you with a spoon but to some degree it’s comforting. She went on to say I wasn’t even going to say anything to you and that I didn’t want to have this conversation and I never meant to hurt you but since I pressed it, now it’s out.

 

Now at this point I thought maybe she needed some space and maybe I need to leave for a bit. Both of our families live extremely close so I had resolved to stay with relatives for a time while she figured things out. I grabbed some things for work and got in the truck to drive away. While this is going on she came out and said you don’t have to leave. You don’t have to go now, stay. We’ll my interpretation of this was initially that she didn’t want me to go because she was comfortable with me staying. I told her if you don’t love me then why would I stay, I’m not going to live a relationship of convenience but I did repeat that I loved her deeply and would be ready at anytime to pick up the phone and start talking. So I started to talk with friends and they had said I think you made a mistake there. She obviously left the door open to you. So I went back home a couple hours later and she came up to our place from her moms and met me there. I told her that I didn’t want her to think I was giving up and I was going to continue to try to help her in any way she could with her confusion, that I loved her and I wouldn’t leave her until she said I needed to go.

 

 

Over the last couple days I have tried to come up with ways, different things that we haven’t done before. Recently I have reinvigorated my love of exercise and such and invited her on a jog down the road, which we did have fun on. We laughed and talked in between the short stretches and then headed home to get our kids. For my part I’ve continued to tell her that I love her. I just need her to know that and that I’m trying very hard to reignite this flame that used to be there. To reconnect and rediscover who she is as a person. I think that it would be ignorant to think that after 7 years you could assume you know that other person so well there is nothing left to do. I think her stepdad and mom said it best “you do your thing , she does her thing, and pretty soon there is no thing.” I really believe this has happened through all of it I constantly remember her saying “hey why don’t you come to do this and come to do that with me” and now I would give anything to hear that once more but it never comes.

 

 

What in fact complicates things even more is she may be confiding or relying on our “mutual” friend for support who happens to be a guy who is going through a rough time with his relationship as well as her uncle and she looks to them for support. All I desperately want is to be that support again.

 

Thank you so much for the replies in advance. I’m just absolutely heartbroken, I don’t know what to do or where to turn. My buddies are remaining extremely positive on the outside looking in but when I get home it’s just so unfeeling I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you again

[TrustInYourself]

The light is life without her. Thank me later.

[badbrit]

Well nice one, the light is without her lmao. Yeah chuck the marriage down the tubes, walk away, that is the right thing to do everytime

 

Well I normally do not suggest this but I will this one time as I think this man has a chance and the chap is obviously a smart individual, anyone who can write that concise must be.

 

dude, you may doubt this and you will get a stream of advice telling you to ignore me, but dont.

 

You have no understanding of this and there are human dynamics at work that can rectify this - use some sources and they are a book by maruius panzerella - reverse your breakup

Homer McDonald - stop your divorce

Ms Tigress - how to stop your breakup

Tom McKnight - love tactics

Bonnie Eaker Weil - make up dont break up

The Secret - DVD or book is good too

 

All good books and some are available ebook form, some you have to get hard copies of but they will be invaluable and I suggest these to you because I already sniff that she wishes it was different and wishes she felt different but cannot do it, so you need to learn why and how to do it and these will be invaluable. I think you are hanging on by a thin piece of string and I know you already want to show her love, tell her you love her, be the best guy in the world, make her see the family is important, give her all she wants. Well that will kill it, read that stuff and it will be clearer

 

Be careful of this forum too, it is full of negativity and people who have failed and so inflict that attitude everywhere. Follow your own path and read at least one of those books. Homer or Ms Tigress would be first choices and are ebooks

[StillHangingontoHope]

Thank you badbrit for the advice I'm going to go with it in earnest. In retrospect somethings are just out of my control, some arn't and when I look back I want to be able to say I made the right one's.

[torranceshipman]

Possibly ask her outright if there is someone else involved in the situation such as the guy who went on that trip with her?

[Lishy]

I do not see what he can do if she does not love him

 

maybe you should just giver her space with no pressure,stop telling her you love her and see if she misses you?

 

I would love to see this be saved, you sound like a lovely guy!

[StillHangingontoHope]

Thank you guys for the replies. I did infact ask her outright and I got the same amazing level of honesty. She swears she has done nothing in the way of cheating but she does indentify with our friend who is going through the same thing so she talks to him and they have probably bonded. The trouble is now that I've asked and got a genuine answer i've probably insulted her by showing i doubt her and don't trust her. It's very hard to accept what you feel like is spinning out of control. this morning i wrote two letters to her becuase as i'm sure everyone here knows its a challenge to vocalize how you feel when your world as you know it crumbling down around you. in the letters i made it very clear that if someone comes between us it infact makes it very hard to try to understand yourself.I probably understand this better then anyone becuase i"ve done it too. I know how she is feeling and I want nothing more then to be there for her. Of course I've tried to think rational, tried to think logically and you can't do that. How can you explain something that can't be explained. Love is a emotion not a calculated equation or a road map. It has to be nurtured and I failed to do that. Today I've made the decision to step back and leave. Not becuase I feel it's going to fix things. No, I dont expect that to happen but I do need to accept that while I love her with my very being, she is always going to have the place in my heart for her and my children. My God I love them but their my number 1 priority. I told her this morning that I loved her very much and she said as she was walking out I know you do and you know, that's going to have to be enough. Thank you Lishy and to the rest of you. It seems this will just be a long process and the only way I can change the situation is how I perceive it. Not in a negative light but rather a positive one. It's just all I can do...........