Ok so I've done it and I'm hurting and needing support like never before.

[Daisyloo]

I've just plucked up the courage to tell my MM (been seeing him for 2.5 years) that it has to end. We had a small misunderstanding/fall out(nothing huge or life changing) and I took the bull by the horns and said I wasn't happy and that I was going to continue being unhappy while we carried on as we are. He said 'no babe lets just talk tomorrow ok I'm sorry I upset you before, I know you've a lot on at the mo so lets talk tomorrow'.

 

I then text him and said:

"I think the best thing we can do in the circumstances is to end this. I'm sorry but you're proving daily that I'm not enough for you to be with properly. I'm not writing this in anger, I'm sad and writing it with no hope left that you'll ever love me enough to leave home. I have to move on if you're staying married. I will love you for a long time but need to use my time off work for coming to terms with this and to practise coping. I'm sorry if this hurts you but can't go on. Xxxxx"

 

I'm now sitting here convinced I've done the right thing but hurting from the inside out and just wishing he would walk in with his bags and say he's done it. I know that it's his children he stays for and I commend that but know he is unhappy (I have another thread on this if you want background details).

 

I've seen how supportive lots of you can be and whilst I know I'm new here I could really do with feeling some of the love right now .

 

Basically - PLEASE HELP ME!!

[GreenEyedLady]

First off, you did a hard thing.

 

And you're going to be fine. Ready yourself for contact and decide how you're going to handle it.

 

Keep your chin up. You are taking charge of your life here. No pining. You made the choice that you wanted more.

 

I know it always helped me to stay busy with my kids and friends. Keep going, move forward, EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

 

What will be, will be. If you two are to be together, he will do what he needs to do. Keep that at the back of your mind, though, and take care of you.

 

You will have bouts of strength and weakness. It is entirely normal. Do not contact him. He will be the one to contact first.

 

I know it hurts to let someone you love go, how it completely breaks the heart, but you have to be strong and remember your goal.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Angel1111]

You did do the right thing because you're in a situation that is a never-ending loop. Plus, it's just wrong to keep on because a lot of people can end up getting hurt, and it will ultimately ruin your relationship with MM.

 

For most OW who end up with their MM, it's because they left and told the MM that they wouldn't be with them until they left their marriage. He has less motivation to leave his marriage as long as you stay with him, plus his relationship with you takes the edge off of his marriage and makes it seem more bearable. Some men will leave under these circumstances but most will not. You're so much better off just stepping away from this and letting things happen as they will. No matter what he says, he will respect you a lot more for this decision. If he doesn't leave his marriage after you've broken up with him, he was probably never going to leave it anyway. So, if that is the way it ends up, you just saved yourself even more heartache and wasted years. But, you don't know what he's going to do yet so I would say just sit back and wait.

 

Of course you know that he's going to do everything he can to get you back. You need to be prepared for that. And don't take it to heart because it still won't mean he'll take action.

[wildsoul]

(((BIG HUGS)))

 

I'm only 7 days ahead of you, having done the break up last Saturday, and a NC email just yesterday.

 

You'll have to find some solace in knowing that you're doing the right thing, even though every cell in your body/mind hurts like hell.

 

And I know this is abstract, but the agony can't (and won't) last forever. It's crazy how distorted one's sense of time gets when you're in pain. That damn clock ticks sooo slowly! Try to find something to do with yourself, preferably something that requires just the smallest bit of brain power, but enough to keep you a little bit focused.

 

I've been tinkering on some home repair projects this week. Crying as I work. This one project should have taken about 4 hours, but has taken me the better part of 3 days. LOL. But at least after the tears subside, I'll have something to show for my time besides a trash bin full of kleenex.

 

Reading (and also responding) to posts here has been immensely helpful too. It's a better conversation than the worry that goes on in my head. So pour another cup of coffee/tea/whatever and cozy in.

[silktricks]

Keep your chin up. You'll have a hard time - and many times will think you made the wrong choice - but you didn't.

 

Remember that you are doing this for you. Don't put hope that he will leave and come to you (though he may), but rather close this chapter of your life and move on to the next. You love him, but you need to love yourself and treat yourself well. You deserve the best for yourself.

 

It sounds crazy right now, but it could be that if he even if leaves his wife in the future and comes to you, that you could be so happy with what is in your life at that time that you'd no longer even be interested .

 

Good luck to you!!

[Daisyloo]

Thank you. I do know I've done the right thing - for me AND him. I really just want him to turn up with a bag and say he's here to stay but also don't because that would be a vile way to do it. My head is all over the place and I just want to sit and weep for a bit if I'm honest. It helps that all the people who have posted have said I've done good.

Again, thank you Xxx

[beautifullove]

Although I've been doing NC up until this last couple of days, yesterday I text him about sending my house keys. We went back and fourth a bit. Then, I managed to squeeze a bit of truth out of him as to what happened. Now, I knew he was spiritual, but now I'm thinking he was a lunatic. He told me that someone told him (I know it's his wife, because she had said things like this to him in the past) that I had been wishing evil on his wife, which is part of the reason why he didn't come back. I was speechless. He said the reason why he thought it was true was because I showed extreme dislike (obviously he forgot how much she interfered.) I was sad that he even entertained this bs, but amazed at how he acted on what she said. I tried to show him how insane it was, but his mind is set. He doesn't know that I know he's back with her, and makes it look like he's living elsewhere. She obviously has him by the balls. But, it's been a few weeks for me, although it feels like it happened yesterday. Today, when I woke up, I wanted to open my blinds and the window to let the sun shine in and feel the fresh warm air. I'm still very, very hurt, but after yesterday's revelation, I feel this has turned out to be more of a blessing. I've pretty much thrown out everything he left here. Just a few things left and then he'll be gone for good. Life gets better!

 

Good luck, and get that book!

[Daisyloo]

Beautiful love -

 

What book??

 

Glad to hear you're moving on, well done and be happy Xxx

[Lyssa]

Hey there Daisyloo,

 

I hope you're feeling better today - it may be hard but the pain will ease with time. Stay strong and keep yourself busy!

 

[[[[DL]]]]

[torranceshipman]

Well done DaisyLoo! Keep strong, you totally did the right thing.

 

And Beautiful Love, wtf?!?!...I guess the split may be a lot easier on you now that you know the guy is a lunatic?!

[nunyanunya]

You should feel SO Proud of yourself right now DaisyLoo. I have a story similar to yours, albeit with faaaar less at stake, and I ended up making what I imagine other people would refer to as a half assed attempt to break it off. In my case I know that moving on is going to get her to come to me, but i had accepted that. In YOUR case, you might feel like your taking a gamble, but you really have EVERYTHING to gain by your desicion! If doesn't choose you, you get to start living for yourself and escape from the whole mess. If he does, well, nuff said. I am envious of your strength.

[nadiaj2727]

Doing the right thing is often not easy; it often hurts. Good for you for doing the right thing!!! In the long-run you will be a much happier person. Just think of the kind of relationship you REALLY want and aim for that in the future. You have shown by your actions that you want more than this. Good for you and good luck. The best is coming to you.

[nunyanunya]

I can't edit my post for some reason but

In my case I know that moving on is going to get her to come to me,

should be

In my case I know that moving on is NOT going to get her to come to me,

might make more sense now

[beautifullove]

How to survive your boyfriend's divorce by Robyn Todd and Lesley ...

 

Obviously these men have gone back to playing happy families, but I'm curious to know whether they are experiencing any feelings or do they literally wipe us out of their memories. I should have followed my gut instinct from the beginning, but he was so damn sure. Oh well, you live and learn.

[beautifullove]

Sorry guys, but he just ruined my already sh***y evening with a pathetic text about repenting to God etc. So, I broke my NC with a response. I almost think he's being a wind-up merchant, because he called twice earlier on, but I didn't take the call, then I received the texts. He's a plonker and I am pi***d.

[whichwayisup]

B, please block him. He is baiting you, waiting for any reaction. Don't give him that power!

[beautifullove]

Why is he doing things??? Isn't trying to ruin my life enough. I will block his number first thing tomorrow. Thanks.

[whichwayisup]

Do your email and IM list as well.

 

Why is he? Because he can and he is trying to get you back to being the OW so HE can feel better. This has nothing to do with love and respect. If it was, he would be thinking of you first and leaving you alone so he can sort out his life, decide what he wants to do. Instead, he isn't doing that, he just wants what he wants...Selfish.

[beautifullove]

Tomorrow is going to be a new day. I will block all means of contact, and cut all ties.

 

Thanks again!

[Cheesecake]

I've never been married and never had kids, but all my friends who have been in his situation and finally have gotten divorces have said it is an extremely difficult thing - it takes time. Maybe you should read some of the marriage and partnership/separated posts so you can better understand their point of view - it does help. So, as hard as it is, you have to remind yourself that this is not personal and it will probably won't happen overnight. It's going to take time. If he's ready, he has to close that chapter of his life so he can start his new one. And hopefully missing you, fearful that he has lost you and making him go back to his empty situation will put a fire under his butt.

 

Daisyloo, he is going to try to contact you, and woo you, guilt you, do whatever it takes to get you back and stay in this limbo - its just easier than dealing with his problem at hand. Stay strong!! Try to hold your ground. And I'm sure he loves you, but at this point you have to realise that if you do go back, as the others have mentioned, you are just delaying the process if he indeed is planning on leaving his marriage. Also, you want him to make this decision on his own - you absolutely don't need him resenting you if say he does leave before he's ready. That is not a recipe for the start of a good relationship. So again, give it time, keep busy - it sucks but inevitably, as everyone else has mentioned, you'll come out the winner regardless of the outcome.

[Meaplus3]

I've just plucked up the courage to tell my MM (been seeing him for 2.5 years) that it has to end. We had a small misunderstanding/fall out(nothing huge or life changing) and I took the bull by the horns and said I wasn't happy and that I was going to continue being unhappy while we carried on as we are. He said 'no babe lets just talk tomorrow ok I'm sorry I upset you before, I know you've a lot on at the mo so lets talk tomorrow'.

 

I then text him and said:

"I think the best thing we can do in the circumstances is to end this. I'm sorry but you're proving daily that I'm not enough for you to be with properly. I'm not writing this in anger, I'm sad and writing it with no hope left that you'll ever love me enough to leave home. I have to move on if you're staying married. I will love you for a long time but need to use my time off work for coming to terms with this and to practise coping. I'm sorry if this hurts you but can't go on. Xxxxx"

 

I'm now sitting here convinced I've done the right thing but hurting from the inside out and just wishing he would walk in with his bags and say he's done it. I know that it's his children he stays for and I commend that but know he is unhappy (I have another thread on this if you want background details).

 

I've seen how supportive lots of you can be and whilst I know I'm new here I could really do with feeling some of the love right now .

 

Basically - PLEASE HELP ME!!

 

Hi Dasiy. You took a huge step in the right direction here by telling him that things need to end be proud of that, it took alot of strength to do. While it may seem right now like you will never get over him NC and time can really change your feelings. You deserve someone who is fully free and available to you try and keep that in mind. Best wishes.

 

AP:)