cyabye Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Dude. Ignore her if it makes you feel better. I ignore my STBX all the time. Even when we are exchanging the kids, unless it's directly related to the kids (and I reply with one word answers yes, no, ok, etc.)I ignore her and do not look at her. I do not care if she (or you) thinks I am childish or immature. Cheating, lying and constantly deceiving is immature too. I want to make it CLEAR that I want NOTHING to do with you EVER. Call me BITTER if you want but that is the way it has to be (at least for now). I know my kids feel it too but when I am nice she takes advantage of that and I refuse to be the b#tch's doormat ever again. So I guess we are to carry on like NOTHING has happened? I couldn't get along with you when we were married but I can now? I bite my lip plenty for the sake of the kids because she uses them (constant manipulation attempt)to get what she wants. I have NO desire to interact with a woman of such character. If everything can be civil, then why do we need lawyers to fight for our rights in court? Sorry, back to you Caliguy.... C'YA BYE!
Author CaliGuy Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 Naw you said it well, cyabye. People who take you for granted should have no part of your life.
Biker2007 Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 CG, I too have fished off the company pier...and when it has gone south, I just give an acknowledgment via a nod of the head or simply saying "hey". That is all they get from me. I am w/you on distancing myself from anybody that takes me for granted. To ignore somebody completely could show them that they still get under your skin. I think showing a minimal acknowledgment says they mean nothing to you anymore.
johan Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 The right thing to do is to respond politely. You don't have to initiate anything or show any emotion, you just have to be polite. You can get out of the room as fast as you want. You took a risk by dating a co-worker. When you did that you made the tacit agreement that you would be able to act professionally no matter how well or how badly things went. If you can't live up to that agreement you should consider another place to work. Just like with everyone else in the workplace, you have to put your personal feelings aside and be a professional. The drama belongs outside the office, even if no one else is there to see it.
Author CaliGuy Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 The right thing to do is to respond politely. You don't have to initiate anything or show any emotion, you just have to be polite. You can get out of the room as fast as you want. You took a risk by dating a co-worker. When you did that you made the tacit agreement that you would be able to act professionally no matter how well or how badly things went. If you can't live up to that agreement you should consider another place to work. Just like with everyone else in the workplace, you have to put your personal feelings aside and be a professional. The drama belongs outside the office, even if no one else is there to see it. Again I do not disagree with this sentiment. That said ... If it was work related, I would have acknowledged her, answered her question and moved on. This was private and during MY time. She invaded my space. All I wanted was my coffee and to get back to my desk. CG, I too have fished off the company pier...and when it has gone south, I just give an acknowledgment via a nod of the head or simply saying "hey". That is all they get from me. I am w/you on distancing myself from anybody that takes me for granted. To ignore somebody completely could show them that they still get under your skin. I think showing a minimal acknowledgment says they mean nothing to you anymore. I understand that. Think in the context of NO CONTACT. To acknowledge her could also open up the possibility of dialog, and cutting her off and leaving mid sentence is worse than just ignoring them. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. And that's exactly what I showed her. I didn't hate on her (name calling, etc). I simply did not acknowledge her presence.
carhill Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 This is the essence of the silence sandwich. No malice, no drama. Think of it as a vacuum. No sounds are heard.
Trialbyfire Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Y'know Cali, I would honestly would have returned the "Hi", then turned my back on her discreetly. You can be civil while not allowing any further engagement, since it's in the workplace. If this were outside the workplace and she wasn't your coworker, you don't have to be civil to a liar.
Biker2007 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. And that's exactly what I showed her. I didn't hate on her (name calling, etc). I simply did not acknowledge her presence. IMO, I think indifference is best shown by a minimal acknowledgment...but to each their own... When you get down to it, a liar or cheater deserves nothing from you so do what you need to do. I have not had any more "chance encounters" that I mentioned to you in one of my posts...I will let you know how I handle that encounter if it comes up.
Jake Barnes Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I know this is off topic somewhat but the immature part was to date a 22 y/o to begin with. If you put it in perspective then it doesnt matter what you say or she says, because you had no business with a 22 y/o to begin with and why would you exect a 22 y/o to play by the same rules you do? I may have dated a 22 y/o, but Im broke.......you have no excuse...
Author CaliGuy Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 I know this is off topic somewhat but the immature part was to date a 22 y/o to begin with. I did not pursue her, she pursed me. put it in perspective then it doesnt matter what you say or she says, because you had no business with a 22 y/o to begin with and why would you exect a 22 y/o to play by the same rules you do? I may have dated a 22 y/o, but Im broke.......you have no excuse... Attraction isn't a choice and for the most part, she acted more mature than her age. I don't nearly look my age. Again, she pursued. I was hesitant at first but went along with it because he behavior in the begining was mature. But as time wore on her immature showed. I should have bailed sooner. That was the main mistake I made.
Author CaliGuy Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 This is the essence of the silence sandwich. No malice, no drama. Think of it as a vacuum. No sounds are heard. That's the crux of my point, Carhill. Thanks for pointing it out so eloquently Y'know Cali, I would honestly would have returned the "Hi", then turned my back on her discreetly. You can be civil while not allowing any further engagement, since it's in the workplace. If this were outside the workplace and she wasn't your coworker, you don't have to be civil to a liar. I consider the breakroom outside the workplace. I was there for coffee and did not want to "chit chat" with her. IMO, I think indifference is best shown by a minimal acknowledgment...but to each their own... When you get down to it, a liar or cheater deserves nothing from you so do what you need to do. I have not had any more "chance encounters" that I mentioned to you in one of my posts...I will let you know how I handle that encounter if it comes up. Exactly. I wasn't mean to her (I said nothing). I simply did not want to acknowledge her presence. I wasn't there to chat. I was there to get my coffee and go
Jake Barnes Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I did not pursue her, she pursed me. Attraction isn't a choice and for the most part, she acted more mature than her age. I don't nearly look my age. Again, she pursued. I was hesitant at first but went along with it because he behavior in the begining was mature. But as time wore on her immature showed. I should have bailed sooner. That was the main mistake I made.Yeah, but see as much as youre trying to keep your legendary stip upper lift I can tell you've been hurt Young people are less sensitive to other people, because everything is overwhelming and exciting to them an theyre somewhat cruel even though they usually dont mean to be. Regardless of what you look like youd be better off emotionally sticking with women over 30, trust me, I dont know much but I know that much
Biker2007 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I know this is off topic somewhat but the immature part was to date a 22 y/o to begin with. If you put it in perspective then it doesnt matter what you say or she says, because you had no business with a 22 y/o to begin with and why would you exect a 22 y/o to play by the same rules you do? Her age should not matter on its own. If she was a mature 22...then Giddyup!
Trialbyfire Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 One way to effectively stop communication while remaining relatively civil, is to nod and call the person by their last name. It puts them into their place.
Author CaliGuy Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 One way to effectively stop communication while remaining relatively civil, is to nod and call the person by their last name. It puts them into their place. Now that I had not thought of
Lovelybird Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 One way to effectively stop communication while remaining relatively civil, is to nod and call the person by their last name. It puts them into their place. you mean nod like spider man nod?
Trialbyfire Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 you mean nod like spider man nod? What's a spiderman nod?
Lovelybird Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 What's a spiderman nod? if spiderman nod, nobody dare to say anything after that
Author CaliGuy Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 Yeah, but see as much as youre trying to keep your legendary stip upper lift I can tell you've been hurt What's been hurt is my own sense of "sensibility". I saw the red flags and once again, ignored them. "The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over, expecting different results each time...." Young people are less sensitive to other people, because everything is overwhelming and exciting to them an theyre somewhat cruel even though they usually dont mean to be. She's confused in more ways than one. To that, we can both agree. Regardless of what you look like youd be better off emotionally sticking with women over 30, trust me, I dont know much but I know that much So you're saying I should check with you first for now on in regards to who I date?! No thanks. I'm usually a good judge of character. The problem only occurs when I let my heart speak for my head.
Author CaliGuy Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 if spiderman nod, nobody dare to say anything after that I know what you're talking 'bout And Spiderman was my childhood hero. Oh to walk the walls and to fly on strings of web. MJ wasn't too bad either
sedgwick Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I know a lot of people think it's immature, but I am a firm believer in cutting the people out of your life who lie to you I agree 100%. It's not immature at all -- in fact, it took me a lot of years to learn that lesson. I think you have every right to ignore her.
Author CaliGuy Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 I agree 100%. It's not immature at all -- in fact, it took me a lot of years to learn that lesson. I think you have every right to ignore her. That's all I am saying. BOUNDARIES. I have them. I enforce them when I have to (such as strict NC with someone, be it in person or not in person). With her, the boundary is simply that when I am on MY time, I don't feel the need to acknowledge her. And I won't. If it's business related, then I will. It's really that simple.
borelandkaren Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Ok, I see what you are saying. I don't work with her or have to interact with her. If I had something work-wise, I would speak to her professionally but not chit chat. In this case, it wasn't work related so I didn't feel the need to acknowledge her. I have implemented strict NC with her and it's working fine. Like a fool, I WAS falling for her but it's a good thing it didn't get to the point where I fell in love. LOL. I'm a fool for love I guess. Anyway, I get what you're saying. If I do have to interact with her, I will do it professionally. Artcritic is right and I think, so are you. It's very hard when you go out with someone you work with. If it ends, there is always a sense of discomfort. I know exactly where you're coming from with the lying thing because I'm the same. If they lie outright and are caught, see ya later. But because you work together you have to maintain civility. Do this, remain professional but don't let her back in. You've done the right thing. Good luck, buddy.
sedgwick Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 BOUNDARIES. Yup, it took me a long time to start to have those. The basic fact of the matter is that anyone who lies to you does not have your best interests at heart, and you therefore owe them nothing. My ex lied to me. I have a wonderful group of friends who love me and would never lie to me. I only have so much time in my life to spend with other people, and I have no desire to spend it with people who hurt me when I have the option of spending it with people who will always have my back.
cyabye Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Yup, it took me a long time to start to have those. The basic fact of the matter is that anyone who lies to you does not have your best interests at heart, and you therefore owe them nothing. My ex lied to me. I have a wonderful group of friends who love me and would never lie to me. I only have so much time in my life to spend with other people, and I have no desire to spend it with people who hurt me when I have the option of spending it with people who will always have my back. Awesome post. I agree 100% Sedge. You def perked up my evening. Thanks, C'YA BYE!
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