xero Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 So I'm 25 years old and last February I started dating a 21 year old. I was 24 at the time. She was a senior and I was a junior. We started hanging out since we had class together the previous semester and she lived on the same floor and dorm as me. I initiated it. She was dating someone at the time but only saw him on the weekends and she said they just fought. As soon as she broke up with him we decided to take things slowly. Very soon after she just started sleeping in my dorm room with me. Well I was more ready to move forward than she was. I fell for her and started saying "I love you" much sooner than she did. She soon after came around and began saying it as well. But sometimes she wouldn't return the words and so after I noticed the pattern I mentioned that it bothered me and she started saying it back and even on her own more frequently. I met her mother and she talked to my family on the phone. I thought things were moving forward in regards to how serious it was. Her mother, I guess, was still cautious as to her being in another relationship so soon though. She had been dating guys (3 relationships I think) nearly nonstop since her senior year of high school. The week before her graduation she decided one night to sleep in her own room one night, which was very strange. Then she mentioned going to the campus dance - and hadn't even bothered to invite me along. This caused lots of crying and she apologized for being selfish and I thought all was well. I then went home for the summer to get a job and see family. Everything was okay at first but she wouldn't call as often as I liked and it created problems since she wasn't as committed to staying in tough as I was. She said she was "busy" with work and at home as well (still living with her parents). I replied then call me on the way to your car after work. No luck there. July 8th she told me she just wanted space and that we'd see how it went when I got back. Said that she couldn't deal with anyone but herself for now. Things went downhill. Once she was supposed to call me on a Friday and didn't call until Tuesday. She was working all weekend and said she hadn't talked to anyone because she was busy. Well of course I didn't take it well. Then I asked her something about a note on her facebook wall and she took it as me stalking her. Then she freaked and wouldn't talk to me for 2 weeks. Then I became more freaked and actually started becoming more intrusive by asking her friends what was going on and friending people who I knew she was hanging out with so I could see pictures of her and maybe see what was going on. Bad idea on my part I know. I called her too much, and texted her too much. Well my "stalking" really made her angry. I couldn't deal with being away any longer and paid $400 to move my plane ticket to last week. I arrived and she still needs space so I haven't seen her. We had one nasty conversation on the phone Wednesday night and she said things like, "I never loved you, I was just convincing myself." and "After what happened this summer I could never date you again, but I forgive you and can be your friend after time passes." I showed her chat conversations where she was begging me for kisses and telling me she loved me on many different occasions. She says she just wants to be single and if that means missing out her opportunity with me that just sucks for her. I asked her if she said those things about not loving me and never wanted to date me out of anger and she said no (even though she was very angry at the time). But she doesn't want to date anyone for a LONG TIME (2 years she once said) and still wants to be my friend after this blows over. I told her how much I love her and how I'd stop dating people for as long as it takes her to do this whole thing. She says I'm crazy and don't deserve someone like her. My questions: How accurate can knowing how long you want to single really be? Do you think she really meant those things about never loving me, etc? How can a friendship work if I'll always down deep kind of want her back? I don't want to become good friends in 6 months and then fall in love only to find out she's dating someone else. But I still love her and she says she can love me "as a friend". I just wonder what the possibililty of that changing is. The way I see it much of what she says is out of anger right now and you can't predict love. Thanks for any input. And I might see her tonight or this weekend. Also, this is my first time being dumped.
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