Pomo Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 OP's boyfriend asks her out to dinner. He takes her to a place, and spends $200. So is she pouting and complaining because the place was not good enough for her? He is cheap? where did you get this from? its not at all what she said. learn to read. in fact she said she sprung for the $400 meal. you just keep distorting everything and spouting the same nonsense with no regard to facts or logic. hilarious. and a new user name each month. lol. sad that posting your contrarian opinions here is the only way you can get women to pay attention to you. why are you not out with all your multilingual, multi-degreed, size 0, heart of gold, excellently conversing, non-American women, eager to wait on you hand and foot, poor or rich. instead of running up 300 posts a month here?
vonerik012 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Where is the common sense? The guy has 3 properties, and not the greatest income. He is referred to as a tight ass, cheap, etc. Nowhere does it say he treats her bad in any other way. However, other female posters are insinuating that he must be. Maybe he should sell a property or 2 so he can spend more money on dating? You know, the really important things. $400 meals, expensive wine, etc.
Woggle Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Some women think that spending huge amounts of money on them means love but I don't play that game. I actually don't mind being generous with my wife but that is because she doesn't demand it. When women don't demand something of me like it is my manly duty I have much more desire to do it. My ex called me cheap and while I might be frugal I have my house paid off at age 29 so it paid off.
serial muse Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 For those of you who missed my point: He is entitled to spend his money as he likes. So is she. He is NOT entitled to give her crap about how SHE spends HER money. Apparently, THAT IS WHAT HE WAS DOING. End of comment. Read that as man-bashing if you can't help yourself, I suppose. But it's a double standard to TELL SOMEONE THEY'RE BEING EXTRAVAGANT when YOU ARE TOO. Whether you're a man or a woman!!! I don't understand what's so complicated about this. Nobody likes to be told what to do with their own hard-earned money. THAT IS WHAT SHE IS SAYING. He's telling her what to do WITH HER MONEY. And she doesn't like it. YOU GUYS WOULD FEEL THE SAME WAY as she does if it were you! Why aren't you reading what she actually said? Sigh. I give up, it doesn't matter. You know, I would say the same exact thing if she were the one being a hypocrite here. But someone would still turn it into a stupid gender war. Yet again. It's like a frenzy. And if I misread this - if he WASN'T telling her how to spend HER money - then I'm wrong. So I'll let the OP tell me that. Get it now?
lovestruck818 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Where is the common sense? The guy has 3 properties, and not the greatest income. He is referred to as a tight ass, cheap, etc. Nowhere does it say he treats her bad in any other way. However, other female posters are insinuating that he must be. Maybe he should sell a property or 2 so he can spend more money on dating? You know, the really important things. $400 meals, expensive wine, etc. Owning 3 properties is very impressive...I don't see why that's a problem.
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 For those of you who missed my point: He is entitled to spend his money as he likes. So is she. He is NOT entitled to give her crap about how SHE spends HER money. Apparently, THAT IS WHAT HE WAS DOING. End of comment. Read that as man-bashing if you can't help yourself, I suppose. But it's a double standard to TELL SOMEONE THEY'RE BEING EXTRAVAGANT when YOU ARE TOO. Whether you're a man or a woman!!! I don't understand what's so complicated about this. Nobody likes to be told what to do with their own hard-earned money. THAT IS WHAT SHE IS SAYING. He's telling her what to do WITH HER MONEY. And she doesn't like it. YOU GUYS WOULD FEEL THE SAME WAY as she does if it were you! Why aren't you reading what she actually said? Sigh. I give up, it doesn't matter. You know, I would say the same exact thing if she were the one being a hypocrite here. But someone would still turn it into a stupid gender war. Yet again. It's like a frenzy. And if I misread this - if he WASN'T telling her how to spend HER money - then I'm wrong. So I'll let the OP tell me that. Get it now? I will take it one step further. It's the height of hypocrisy to do exactly what you're being critical of doing. OP, I would push him back and take a stance. "Get off my arse because it's my money".
HiItsMe Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Just a thought and wanted advice on relationships and what is more important? I know I should be smarter with my money and all that, but I also like to have balance... I'd like to invest and think about my income more smartly than I do but also live life a bit and if I drop $400 on a great dinner out a few times a year, or go on a great holiday or just be silly with it sometimes... that's living and appreciating life to me. Don't get me wrong, money doesn't mean great experiences but I don't want to live my life bound to a mortgage either. So the question is - the guy I'm dating has 3 properties, his owner occupied house in a reasonably wanted suburb of Sydney plus 2 other investment houses in holiday areas. His life is about putting his money into the mortgages and that's it (we are in our 30's) Whilst I admire his dedication to financial security for the future, especially on the reasonably average wage he earns (above the average but not spectacular) shouldn't there be a balance of living life and worrying about what happens when you retire and you are 65???? His tight-ass'ness is really starting to bother me, he says you have to do it when you're young, which I kind of appreciate but what are you working for then? Shouldn't life be balanced all the times not just setting yourself up for retirement? It's really starting to send me to a point where I want to end it, I want to go to the movies and not wait for it to come out on DVD (it's cheaper that way!) and sometimes I want to spend it up and go away for a weekend, eat great food in a great environment and drinking great wine...not all the time, but sometimes. I like him, but it's driving me insane - I know I'm being a snob but really WTF? Where do you think living life begins and ends? Who in the hell spends 400.00 on dinner? How about spending it something worth while like a vacation plane ticket or something. Dang...400.00 ...to be honest, dinner is not worth that much ANY time of the year. lol I like to see a good movie on occasion though.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Who in the hell spends 400.00 on dinner? How about spending it something worth while like a vacation plane ticket or something. Dang...400.00 ...to be honest, dinner is not worth that much ANY time of the year. lol I like to see a good movie on occasion though. How does criticizing the Op on how she spends her money supposed to help her clarify what she wants in a relationship? What is the point of this post, other than to assert your opinion on how one should spend their money?
Riley Freeman Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 no im cheap myself most of my dates take place at KFC
vonerik012 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Why do people treat friends better than people they are dating? Its like me having a cash strapped friend, and constantly suggesting we do really extravagant things. If he says no, then I call him a tight ass and cheap. That would be ridiculous. But for some reason, while only dating, a woman has the right to suggest how the man spends his own money. And from reading her original thread, her EMPHASIS is not on him complaining about how she spends her own money. The emphasis is on that HE IS A CHEAP TIGHT ASS. The title is DOES CHEAPNESS IS YOUR SO BOTHER YOU.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I think waiting to see The Dark Knight when it comes out on DVD to save $4 to be cheap. That is just my opinion. Someone else may not feel that way. However, when dating, you are discovering what your limits are. If this is something that constantly irritates you, as it is irritating the poster, then it is time to reevaluate the relationship and think about what you want in a partner. There is a difference between being frugal or cautious with your money and being cheap. Being cheap implies a lack of generosity in other areas, as well. Plus you have to live your life, too.
Prodigal Princess Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 As the posts in this thread have highlighted, people have extremely divergent opinions on the way in which money should be spent. That is why it is important that partners have the same monetary values. I am an unashamed spendthrift and could never go out with someone who was money conscious (obviously, within reason). I think money itself is kind of vulgar, I feel like I just want to be rid of it! In any case, you and your SO do not feel the same way about spending money, and given the life-long habits you both have formed, compromise does not sound feasible. I say get out now - this issue will only grate on your nerves more and more as the relationship progresses. People's spending habits don't change. You need to find someone you can relax and enjoy the little luxuries of life with.
ensun Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Of course it bothers girls. It means no free money. If a girl says she is turned off by a guy who is cheap, she means that she likes guys that buy her stuff and give her money. Well, duh!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Of course it bothers girls. It means no free money. If a girl says she is turned off by a guy who is cheap, she means that she likes guys that buy her stuff and give her money. Well, duh! It's more complicated than that. A lot of us are not materialistic, shallow people, and yet we still do not want to be with people who are stingy.
Trialbyfire Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 It's more complicated than that. A lot of us are not materialistic, shallow people, and yet we still do not want to be with people who are stingy. As previously expressed by a number of members including myself, a financially cheap person tends to be cheap in many other ways. More often than not, you'll find them cheap with their emotions or time.
lovestruck818 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 It's more complicated than that. A lot of us are not materialistic, shallow people, and yet we still do not want to be with people who are stingy. It also depends how stingy the other person is. I mean if someone is stingy themselves, they can't really complain that their partner is.
daphne Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Never amazes me how a few bitter guys on the board will start a senseless rant about women without actually having any idea what the post is about. Good lord. That being said, I myself have been called cheap as recently as a week ago. That's pretty much the wrong label. I have been very frugal in the past, and am very good at saving money and living far beneath my means. I'll wait for the movie to come out on dvd. I do lots of things that are considered cheap. However, I am very generous with my friends. They will complain that I always pay (I generally do I guess out of guilt that I make more.) I will drop the same amount of money as the op on a pair of shoes on occasion. And sometimes on dinner. I don't think that being frugal is necessarily a correlation to being emotionally stingy. It's like knowing how to eat right if you do it right. Someteimes you need a little ice cream, but more often than not you eat dark greens. But if you eat ice cream on a regular basis you'll get fat. OP your boyfriend is right about time. He probably wants to be able to live without having to be frugal in the future by delaying gratification until his investments hit paydirt. Very smart, actually. It's too bad that he doesn't embrace your live and let live attitude.
Prodigal Princess Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 OP your boyfriend is right about time. He probably wants to be able to live without having to be frugal in the future by delaying gratification until his investments hit paydirt. Very smart, actually. I very much doubt that this guy will all of a sudden become more relaxed about spending money as soon as he begins to make a return on his investments. More likely is that he'll just keep re-investing his profits and die in a crappy retirement home with millions in the bank. Old habits die hard.
daphne Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 PP, You're more than likely right. But I was him and I've loosened up considerably. To the extent that I think I need to batten down the hatches again because I've been making up for lost time. I figured I can't take it all with me.
carhill Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 He'll need a life-altering experience to change his financial philosophy, if my experience is any guide. Face mortality and one's priorities change. I'm still thrifty but money doesn't rule me. I was positively anal prior.
Crazy.S Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I wished I saved my money instead on spending on my ex for 4 years. I never said no once and now she's gone and I have nothing saved. And I am a college student.
Trialbyfire Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I wished I saved my money instead on spending on my ex for 4 years. I never said no once and now she's gone and I have nothing saved. And I am a college student. Hate to say this but if she needed you to spend money on her continuously, without antying up her share, it's no wonder you have nothing saved. No one person should always be giving.
rosabella20 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Money can't compete with love - Time together is what counts - Time well spent together is better than money spent in any form.
vonerik012 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Here is the problem... Everyone has a different concept of what is "cheap". Lets face it. Some women have a sense of entitlement. Once they figure out what you make, and what you have saved, they then want to go on an extravagant vacation. Or feel you should pay for everything, because "You make more". Women that have called me cheap either.. 1. Never paid or offered to pay for anything. (Cheap themselves) They also seemed to always either mooch off parents, or friends. They were never the giver. 2. Did not work, or were always underemployed. So they had no money. 3. Managed money very poorly. 4. Did not understand the concept of money because mom and dad always gave them plenty of it, and they had a security blanket.
LovehateLove Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 As previously expressed by a number of members including myself, a financially cheap person tends to be cheap in many other ways. More often than not, you'll find them cheap with their emotions or time. This forum sure likes generalizations doesn’t it? I’m very cautious with my money, for instance I won’t pay more than $150 for a date and even then I expect the woman to at least pay for her half of the date. Now, I don’t mind paying for a woman, but if a woman keeps expecting me to pay for dates, then she’ll find herself in for a shock when I take her to a small diner, somewhere quiet and lethargic. I’m fortunate to be in a relationship with a woman with the same view point as me, when we started dating, we’d split everything down the middle, from the tickets, to the bill to the petrol money and you know, we had such a great time together. We didn’t need to spend $500 on a meal to impress each other; we impressed each other by discussing the things we had in a common, making each other laugh and enjoying our time together. A lot of women expect and demand too much from men and ironically it is these women who remain single well into their thirties and forties.
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