grey goose Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Some of you might remember some of my threads. Anyways here is the scoop. My wife that wanted a divorce from me since February did not turn in the divorce papers like she said she was going to do a week ago before she got on her plane. I was convinced that she turned them in and I was ready to accept it and move on and I did accept it and moved on. For a few days there were hate mail back and forth from each other. I then decided I don't want to be hateful and mean and wrote her an appology letter about the way I was acting and that no matter what she did, I would be mature about it and be nice to her no matter what. so that is exactly what i did. her emails changed drastically from evil to not as evil. I wrote her a letter about a month in and half ago, hoping she would get it before she got to the states, but turns out her father had a minor stroke and she left a week earlier than i wanted. She wrote me a email and said i recieved your letter. do you mean that is this for real and that was all she said. I replied back to her and said yes I meant that, but that was a month and ahalf ago too, but at the same time I worded it to her that I still do and some of me does want to go back, but if it doesn't work then i'll just continue talking to the girls i've met so far. so she replies with i didn't turn in the papers, i purposely avoided turning them in cause i think my heart won't let go. so I ask her some questions about it, and what she wants to do. like talk on the phone or meet, and she says no she doesn't. Shes not ready to be a divorcee she doesn't like that, then goes on to saying she doesn't want a worthless husband that treats her like s**t, gee thanks. and she wants to be treated like the queen of england blah blah blah. that part i can handle, but as far as treating her like s**t. I really don't know where that is coming from, and on top of that if i treat her like s**t then why in the hell didn't she just turn the papers in. nobody wants to be in a relationship like that if its true. what do you guys make of this....something is extremly fishy about this to say the least. is it a setup to make me think that she doesn't want a divorce and i miss the court date. Oh i forgot to mention that during the hate emails, she wasn't telling me when the courtdate was or where she supposedly turned the papers in. and that if i didn't show on the courtdate that i would be is some mess. anyways there is my rant for the night i suppose.
Woggle Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 She wanted to drag this out longer so you can suffer and since you are ready to just open up the door and let her out she has panicked. Walkaway wives like the big dramatic exit where they leave their brokenhearted husband in tears and they go on to live this independent liberated life. You have denied her that and want to give her a civil divorce so she changes course. Stay on course and insist on the divorce no matter what she says and I hope you have a good lawyer.
SingleDad Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Why is everyone so quick to get a divorce. If you don't want it and she is not filing it - then what is the rush ???
Woggle Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Why is everyone so quick to get a divorce. If you don't want it and she is not filing it - then what is the rush ??? Because one a woman has walkaway thoughts in her head they never go away and this issue will come back in the future. He needs to get out before this goes any further.
dead-dyke Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Greygoose - I'm glad you posted this. I think I'm going through the same thing, and now that it has come down to getting what she wants, I'm baffled into wondering her mindset. Minus the emails, that is. Today makes three weeks since she filed. I think Woggle might be right, because I'm no longer that broken man from a year ago. Something she wanted so badly, now seems to be stalling. Matter of fact, it's driving me nuts. I'm not fooling myself though, just to be set up for disappointment yet again. I am anxiously waiting to see your other responses.
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I would take the initiative and just file. She's toying with your emotions. If there's one thing I hate as a man myself is a woman who plays games!!! Especially when she's your wife, what gives her the right to do what she did and expect you to still stick around. Living in a perpetual state of uncertaintanty and anxiety would kill me! I couldnt live in limbo like that.
quankanne Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 she wasn't telling me when the courtdate was or where she supposedly turned the papers in. and that if i didn't show on the courtdate that i would be in some mess. it's my understanding that when you file paperwork with the court system, THEY contact y'all about your appearances, it's not your STBX who contacts you. Because they are all about accountability; people filing court documents often aren't ... as for why she's dragging her feet? Maybe she's having second thoughts about just how "real" it gets once the courts get her petition. And for whatever reasons (most likely selfish ones), she's not ready for it. This way she controls the outcome of what happens, and when, by being the one to file paperwork.
Billy Bob Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 She wanted to drag this out longer so you can suffer and since you are ready to just open up the door and let her out she has panicked. Walkaway wives like the big dramatic exit where they leave their brokenhearted husband in tears and they go on to live this independent liberated life. You have denied her that and want to give her a civil divorce so she changes course. Stay on course and insist on the divorce no matter what she says and I hope you have a good lawyer. That's what happened with my walk away wife.. she wanted me miserable... which I pretended to be. Nothing made her more angry than when I was enjoying the freedom she gave me.
TrustInYourself Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 The power of pretending to be happy. Hahaha. It owns. It owns face. I was just informed that I have to wait 22 second before posting again. Unfortunate.
Author grey goose Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 Greygoose - I'm glad you posted this. I think I'm going through the same thing, and now that it has come down to getting what she wants, I'm baffled into wondering her mindset. Minus the emails, that is. Today makes three weeks since she filed. I think Woggle might be right, because I'm no longer that broken man from a year ago. Something she wanted so badly, now seems to be stalling. Matter of fact, it's driving me nuts. I'm not fooling myself though, just to be set up for disappointment yet again. I am anxiously waiting to see your other responses. Well it seems like this is going to head to an open marriage, There is no way she is not going to have some sort of a guy friend the entire time and plus if we decide to continue, it is going to be a long distant marriage once more again, only a longer wait til we get to be in the same household. But IF we make it over that huge mountain, now we have another one. We will have to learn to live in the same house and that will be difficult. We will be so use to doing things our way for so long that I know it will cause arguments, along with everything else that can go worse. If we get two separate places then there is no problem, only it will be a very strange marriage if we do. The more I think about this, the worse it seems
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 But is this something you want? An open marriage?
Author grey goose Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 But is this something you want? An open marriage? there would be no point in being married then, if it were to be open. I will not accept it. Honestly, I don't think she is worth anymore of my time. And not just her, there is absolutely no female worth all this trouble. She doesn't have anything worth bragging about or holding on to that another female does. if she was royalty that would be worth the trouble.
Woggle Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 If you are a woman and this does not apply to you don't get offended but this is how many women are. When a man truly cares about a woman and loves she will walk out of his life and crush his heart but when he has had enough of her and wants her out of his life it is damn near impossible to get rid of her. Some women just can't stand to see a man happy and enjoying life.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Why is everyone so quick to get a divorce. If you don't want it and she is not filing it - then what is the rush ??? Why torture yourself with hope of the big "if?" If your partner loves you, they don't treat you like that. Sorry I love myself and my kids too much to let someone else try and control my life and treat me like I am less than human. Divorce is a legal option and one that I believe saves many people's mental health. I do not understand why people give someone else their life's decision. Strength comes from making your own decision, not having one forced upon you.
dead-dyke Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 What Woggle is saying is the truth. I've gone on little ty-rades (?) , and I know I've offended women that don't deserve it. Truth is , just look around this board. I'm guesstimating, but 90% of the people wanting to save their marriage here, are men. WTF? It's like these women say "my work is done here, next victim." If I wasn't interested, I wouldn't have married her, PROMISED to be w/ her through good and bad, sickness or health, richer & poorer, (which, especially now, I'm quite familier with). I thought I made her the happiest woman on the earth. Turns out, the only time I made her really happy, was when I adhered to direct NC. Greygoose is correct also, that no woman is worth that. If my wife didn't leave me now, I would've just had to give it a couple of yrs. She would have found a reason. Thanks to her, I'll never trust another woman again. And that is sad. All this time for nothin'. Course, I'm STILL waiting to be served myself.... Not that I want it that way. But I'm a big boy. She broke my heart 1nce, it won't happen again. Plus, if she's stalling, because she's having second thoughts, and will want to try again/new, I will welcome it. Just not so quickly, and I hope Barnum and Baily's circus has room for a hoop jumper for a while.
whichwayisup Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 there would be no point in being married then, if it were to be open. I will not accept it. Honestly, I don't think she is worth anymore of my time. And not just her, there is absolutely no female worth all this trouble. She doesn't have anything worth bragging about or holding on to that another female does. if she was royalty that would be worth the trouble. Good. Just making sure that this is something you're NOT interested in trying out.
Recommended Posts