pandagirl Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I was talking with my friend tonight about the "ones who got away." I realized I have a pattern: Guy #1: My friend was in love with him, but after admitting her feeling for him, he admitted his feelings for me! Though, I did have feelings for him, I told him, I couldn't because I couldn't hurt my friend. Guy #2: Boy I thought was really cute in college. He asked me out, but he had dated a friend for three years in high school. I thought that might be weird, I politely declined. Guy #3: Roommate of a very good friend of mine. She told me "not to date him" (she had a serious boyfriend at the time, btw). I made out with him one night and told her the next day, being the honest friend that I am. Have never heard from her again. The guy said he couldn't date me because of the drama. Guy #4: Dream boy! SOOO cute and smart. Had a crush on him since I knew him, but he had a serious gf. When they broke up, he made a move on me, I was shocked and pleased as punch. However, yet another friend (who also had a serious boyfriend) got PISSED at me. Pretty much sabotaged anything from happening. So, people -- what does this say about me? That I chose unavailable men, or just crappy friends? ha!
JoeNewbie Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Guy #1: Your friend was "in love" with him without even dating him. She had no "rights" on this guy simply because she was interested in him! Guy #2: Well, your loss here. Guy #3: Friends should never tell friends what to do. And you should never listen to a friend who tells you what to do. Drama isn't attractive indeed. Guy #4: That surely doesn't sound like a friend to me.
Jilly Bean Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Girl code, heard of it???? As someone who was recently the victim of a co*k block from a new friend, I fully appreciate girl code. Who DOESN'T get this? PG - you have had crappy friends. Some women can be total douches when it comes to guys. This is one of many reasons I prefer to keep more men as friends than women.
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Actually, JB... I suspect #3 and #4 are violations of the girl code by PANDAGIRL, not her friends. I realize that both of the friends in those situations had BFs at the time, but their reasons for telling her not to date the guy (which she went ahead and made out with him anyway) and getting mad at her must have some underlying history that PG isn't telling us about.
Jilly Bean Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Actually, JB... I suspect #3 and #4 are violations of the girl code by PANDAGIRL, not her friends. I realize that both of the friends in those situations had BFs at the time, but their reasons for telling her not to date the guy (which she went ahead and made out with him anyway) and getting mad at her must have some underlying history that PG isn't telling us about. Oh, I dunno. What kind of friend "prohibits" you from dating a guy, particularly if they have a serious BF? That's just crap.
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 1. You could've made a move on him, as she lost her rights on him when she opened up and he didn't reciprocate, but it would've made things messy between you and your friend, regardless. Good move on your part. 2. With blessing, could've done this one. As long as your friend okay's it (as I'm assuming Girl Code includes not dating a friend's ex without permission - Guy Code certainly does!), there was no problem on this one. 3. Sounds like there's a little unknown background info between the guy and your friend. Did she ever tell you why she didn't want you to date him? 4. Depends how long the last relation was and how quickly he made his move on you thereafter. My guess is that the 'friend' was also a friend of his ex, he moved on you too quickly, and it looked like you and the guy were fooling around while he was still taken, which makes you the perceived reason for the breakup. Hence the hostility. JB: to answer your question, either no friend at all, or a very good one. Some friends know things they can't tell you for various reasons, but still know it's in your best interest not to date someone.
Author pandagirl Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 Actually, JB... I suspect #3 and #4 are violations of the girl code by PANDAGIRL, not her friends. I realize that both of the friends in those situations had BFs at the time, but their reasons for telling her not to date the guy (which she went ahead and made out with him anyway) and getting mad at her must have some underlying history that PG isn't telling us about. #3 was a complicated situation. But, it was nothing more than your usual boy drama in your mid-twenties sort of thing. The most important fact is I NEVER screwed over my friend, she was just a witness of the drama and I think she got sick of it. However, when I met her roommate, the first thing she said to me was: "He is a really nice guy, but DONT date him." What friend puts restrictions/disclaimers on men? I am not friends with her anymore. Her choice. I don't walk away from friendships, but she did. #4, earlier that night, my friend had said: "I'd be weirded out if any of my friends dated [her boyfriend's] friends." She thought I disrespected her wishes by making out wit #4. We're still friends though. Another thing, I ended up dating my best friend's crush in college. She was always talking about this guy and when I met him, he decided he liked me instead. So this whole thing ensued, but before anything happened, I talked it over with my friend and she said: "You're my best friend, and he's a good guy. If you like each other, I just want you to be happy and date him." Of course, she is still my BFF today! Maybe a better question is, why do my friend's crushes end up liking me?
Author pandagirl Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 Depends how long the last relation was and how quickly he made his move on you thereafter. My guess is that the 'friend' was also a friend of his ex, he moved on you too quickly, and it looked like you and the guy were fooling around while he was still taken, which makes you the perceived reason for the breakup. Hence the hostility. Nope, in fact everyone hated his ex! They called her the Ice Queen! haha.
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Nope, in fact everyone hated his ex! They called her the Ice Queen! haha. In that case, my only other guess is that she liked the guy as well, and was mad that you had a shot at him, especially during a time when she didn't. ...or she's legitimately nuts. One of the two. Maybe a better question is, why do my friend's crushes end up liking me? Are they white? I heard a rumour somewhere that white guys like Asian girls!
jadedone Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Maybe a better question is, why do my friend's crushes end up liking me? Maybe you are better looking? I know a lot of women that have an overweight/ugly best friend for this very reason.
Author pandagirl Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 In that case, my only other guess is that she liked the guy as well, and was mad that you had a shot at him, especially during a time when she didn't. ...or she's legitimately nuts. One of the two. Are they white? I heard a rumour somewhere that white guys like Asian girls! Yes! All white! haha. Maybe you are better looking? I know a lot of women that have an overweight/ugly best friend for this very reason. Er. I don't think I'm especially good looking, although people think I'm "cute." I do have a glowing personality and charming wit though! haha.
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