Mary3 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Carhill : Do you think the ex gets an * ego * boost from continually trying to make me his friend again ? Why do you think they do this ? Sorry I won't try to steer the thread away from its orginal intent , Just wanted to know what you thought about that carhill.
GPFan Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 nthatguyb, You probably won't like this but both of you are so very young. There are still many, many pages in the book of your life yet to be written. Your time-of-life is a time of exploration and discovering yourself. Same for her. The events you experience in the next few years will begin shaping who you are and who she is. All that to say, It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings. Not only that but another thought for someone struggling is:Sometimes, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.Don't write her off, don't write yourself off but do go on with your life.
Author nthatguyb Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 OK, wow, I haven't been on here for a little while. I'll be sure to answer everybody's questions and comments in just a little bit. Just give me some time, and it'll get done.
carhill Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Carhill : Do you think the ex gets an * ego * boost from continually trying to make me his friend again ? Why do you think they do this ? Sorry I won't try to steer the thread away from its orginal intent , Just wanted to know what you thought about that carhill. IMO, part is ego (males generally hate losing at anything) and part is emotional confusion. I can sit here and say, realistically, that we're incompatible and a ltr will never work but I can still have that same pressure in my chest that draws me to her. Does that make sense? Perhaps I have more impulse control than some men, so I can process that confusion and keep my counsel. Otherwise, I'd likely make inappropriate contacts as well. This path may be more painful, but I think it's healthier in the long run. Hey, OP, glad you could stop by. No rush. Soak it all in
Jmina Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I see something in you that i dont often see in many others. Your heart is amazing and you have SO MUCH potential to love. This girl has opened your heart for the very first time, and that is why she came into your life. YOU HAVE TO COME OUT OF THIS THE SAME WAY YOU WENT INTO IT. It is never ever ever time to feel like you SHOULD be over it. If you are still dealing with this in 6 months then that is what you are dealing with and it is okay. It is important that you acknowedge all your feelings when they come up and feel them. Don't feed them with more thoughts that accent your pain. Just sit quietly - or loudly if you need to release a sound! and breath through the feelings. Sit and cry, and tell yourself for the first time that you know you are feeling like this and that its okay and not to fight it. That is the first step. To be kind to yourself in the way of accepting your feelings. It is very okay to love people and its important to know that love doesnt hurt you - it never will. there are even rainbows in unrequited love because you feel joy when you feel your love for her. the rest of it, the agony part is the attatchment part. The insecure part of you that fears, worries and THIS is the part that will fade away with some care and expressing and of course time. The love never HAS to go away! =) you can love from afar love doesnt hurt. Second step Writing your emotions out write it all out. buy a journal, find an old notebook, get the back of a carboard box i dont care, just get whatever it is in your head OUT onto paper. Talk it out - tell your story over and over and over again until you start to disattatch from the words. This is all CLEARING space in your head. Step 3 Filling the space it is important to do this or step 2 will not work. you MUST fill the space with new things. new creations. something unattatched from her, and all for yourself. Maybe writing becomes something you turn out to be pretty good at and love. plant something get back to nature. go look for new music or books ring and old friend and catch up or spend time wiht family. and If you tell them you have a broken heart they will come through for you, i promise. You had a life before this girl and its up to you to RE CREATE it not find it. Step 4 turn your big heart rays towards YOU. love will not allow anyone to be in a lasting relationship with you unless you know how to love yourself. that is probably why you missed out. not becaues you were too late but because that was the plan. we never change until we want to because we cant bear anymore pain or whatever the challange is. this is going to do some great stuff for you and you will be grateful for this torment. tragedy brings passion love will not allow two people to stay together if one or both have soul searching to do. and is some cases it wont let it start either. in your case i believe you became attatched and fell quite quick and quite hard - the universe had to turn it to a halt and give you the opportunity to get a grip on yourself and create some inner peace and happiness first. the universe doesnt care what you want., it only cares about what you NEED. Step 5 You are going to come to a point where you start feeling angry - it might be a long time from now. It is hard to be angry at someone when you have an open heart like yourself, but at the same time if she hurt you through choosing a boyfriend over her bestfriend you will have a part of you that needs to forgive her. this is okay. Anger has to be release in a physical way. writing it out, or talking it out isn't enough for it too disolve. You have to work it out. GYM punching a pillow or your bead screaming into a pillow under loud music as not to worry neighbours!! you can still love her, but the part of you that is human and hurts and gets angry will show its face sometime and you must release it to come out of this the way you came into it (and some) you might even need to do the same releasing to forgive yourself. at the end of the day you didnt miss out from your own actions, it was meant to be this way. so feel cry write talk scream punch be kind to you find new things quickly to fill the new space so you dont become sad when youve released your emotions you will be okay i promise you, you have a big heart and it is capable of healing the world. one day you will feel this too. KEEP POSTING! Jmina ooox
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