wildsoul Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 .simple thing is that LOTS of things in life give us chemical releases which makes us feel good. It does NOT excuse having an A or staying in an A -... Oh, I don't think anyone said we are victims to our neurobiology! But it is very helpful to understand these things as they do influence perception. For example, it can be helpful when going through relationship withdrawal to note that you are experiencing a drop in dopamine which is exaggerating the feelings of depression and loss. Another example is to recognize the difference between an adrenaline rush and long lasting love. Awareness, not excuses.
torranceshipman Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 True Wildsoul but...its interestingly not always workable to simply right the chemical balance. For example, break up with a guy, cry, grab a bar of choc, the serotonin gives you a kick mentally and in one way you feel better...but you are still miserable at the same time... true its useful to be aware though. But that neuro reaction - I think its kinda 30% (or something-I'm only speculating!) of the basis for feeling the way we do at any given time (unless you have a mental condition as many anti-depressants are based on serotonin).
wildsoul Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I can tell you this much. If there was a pill I could take to antidote the gutwrenching heartache I'm in right now, I'd be all over it. Preferably delivered by a gorgeous male nurse. ...or two.
taylor Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Neuro chemicals aside.. I think a part of what makes an affair appear as an addiction is that affair partners pursue each other relentlessly at all costs knowing the chances of them ever being together in a normal relationship is slim. The addiction is the result of wanting that which you can't and most likely will never have. Knowing that the object of your affection is just out of reach, no matter how hard you try to grab a hold of it, makes it just that much more enticing..appealing...addictive. And that's just human behavior...illogical, irrational, immoral...but human, nonetheless. The addiction is broken when the neurochemicals dissipate, reality sets in and logical thinking can resume.
grogster Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I can tell you this much. If there was a pill I could take to antidote the gutwrenching heartache I'm in right now, I'd be all over it. Preferably delivered by a gorgeous male nurse. ...or two. Speaking of pills, I just broke-up with my girlfriend of 2 years (sorry, we're both single) and she's taking a post-break-up anesthetic called ModAlert. The neuroenhancer elevates her mood, sharpens her mind and lowers her sex drive (she doesn't want to date right away). As for me, I'm recovering the old fashioned way.
OWoman Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Neuro chemicals aside.. I think a part of what makes an affair appear as an addiction is that affair partners pursue each other relentlessly at all costs knowing the chances of them ever being together in a normal relationship is slim. The addiction is the result of wanting that which you can't and most likely will never have. Knowing that the object of your affection is just out of reach, no matter how hard you try to grab a hold of it, makes it just that much more enticing..appealing...addictive. And that's just human behavior...illogical, irrational, immoral...but human, nonetheless. The addiction is broken when the neurochemicals dissipate, reality sets in and logical thinking can resume. That may be true for certain kinds of affairs, but certainly wouldn't apply for others. Some affairs are long-term stable in that that is all that both want, the A, and neither is pursuing the other "relentlessy at all costs" because they don't want to be together in that way. Other As are just a little bit of fun on the side, a brief fling, before both parties return to their "normal" lives, to be forgotten forever or poissibly picked up for another fling down the line if both parties feel so inclined. And still other As are just normal Rs that start out when at least one of the parties is still currently attached to someone else, so involve a period of overlap and disentangling from the old R as the new R takes off before the new R becomes the only R. There are no doubt whole bunches more of other kids of As, but those are some I've lived through myself and which spring quickly to mind. I've never found As addictive, though in the other post of Wog's it seems he would classify me in the group that is addicted since that was my relationship format of choice. Addiction implies a craving, and he only cravings I've ever experienced were for coffee. (And horniness, of course, but that's a simple matter to resolve without any outside intervention, if need be!)
torranceshipman Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Ahhh wildsoul poor you! What about exercise? That can really help...its an excuse to spoil yourself and get a decent gym membership that also has a pool, sauna,steam room, tanning booth, etc..some pampering sounds exactly like what you need! I remember going through my last break up and forcing my ass out for a run or to the gym when it was the last thing I felt like!!-but felt so pleased with myself after (and no post break up extra pounds!!), like the idiot guy hadnt stolen anymore of my time or ruined any more of my days!!
taylor Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 That may be true for certain kinds of affairs, but certainly wouldn't apply for others. Some affairs are long-term stable in that that is all that both want, the A, and neither is pursuing the other "relentlessy at all costs" because they don't want to be together in that way. Other As are just a little bit of fun on the side, a brief fling, before both parties return to their "normal" lives, to be forgotten forever or poissibly picked up for another fling down the line if both parties feel so inclined. And still other As are just normal Rs that start out when at least one of the parties is still currently attached to someone else, so involve a period of overlap and disentangling from the old R as the new R takes off before the new R becomes the only R. There are no doubt whole bunches more of other kids of As, but those are some I've lived through myself and which spring quickly to mind. I've never found As addictive, though in the other post of Wog's it seems he would classify me in the group that is addicted since that was my relationship format of choice. Addiction implies a craving, and he only cravings I've ever experienced were for coffee. (And horniness, of course, but that's a simple matter to resolve without any outside intervention, if need be!) I agree with you OW that not all affairs are addictive. Only those in which affair partners totally abandon the reality of the situation, have illogical, fantasy-like expecations of the outcome, totally disregard the most likely consequences of their actions, and are willing to foresake or risk all that is precious in their lives for the chance to be with their affair partner. These affairs, I would say, are the addictive ones, driven by an overwhelming desire to have what you can't have. I wouldn't consider long-term affairs addictive if both affair partners had a love for each other that grew over time and both understood and accepted the reality of the situation that they would most likely never be together 100 percent. In this case, affair partners are satisfied with what they have...or at least satisfied enough. Nor would I consider a fling addictive if both affair partners understood it to be just that going into it and were able to walk away from it when it was over. In this case, affair partners got what they wanted..they are able to satisfy their desire and move on. Having fling after fling, however, I would say, is an addictive behavior.
OWoman Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 The neuroenhancer elevates her mood, sharpens her mind and lowers her sex drive I suspect those two are linked. Like getting glasses to improve your eyesight, and lowering your sex drive.
grogster Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 I suspect those two are linked. Like getting glasses to improve your eyesight, and lowering your sex drive. [/quote So true. I do find interesting my ex-GF's use of Provigil to ease the break-up pain. If the pharma helps her get over the rough patch, I suppose that's a good thing. It reminds me too much of that Brave New World drug, soma. Creepy.
wildsoul Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 It reminds me too much of that Brave New World drug, soma. Creepy. Oh, you just reminded me: I really want to rent Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind again! Maybe that's what I'll do tonight. This link to the trailer on YouTube is worth a giggle. .
Lookingforward Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 All pills do is numb you, but I suppose some people need that med induced numbness. Me, I'd rather work through the pain until I get to that place where my feelings about him are numb on my own.
nadiaj2727 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Hi woggle. I haven't read any other posts because I don't care to. I do think affairs are like addictions. It's an addictive relationship for both MM and OW. However, inherent with posting to an OW/OM forum is the problem that most people who are addicted deny, deny, deny. (Just like they do to their spouses/ themselves! ) ADMITTING you have a problem is the first step. Only then can true recovery even START.
Lyssa Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Thank goodness for some MM that took action instead of deny, deny and deny. Come to think of it... is there any MW that took action?
OWoman Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I haven't read any other posts because I don't care to. ironic, in the light of the denial you go on to speak of... :lmao: However, inherent with posting to an OW/OM forum is the problem that most people who are addicted deny, deny, deny. (Just like they do to their spouses/ themselves! ) ADMITTING you have a problem is the first step. Only then can true recovery even START. Then again, some people HAVE no problem, and admitting to one would be counter-productive. Not that the spanish inquisition, the witch hunts or the guantanamo bay interrogators allowed that possibility either. White pointy hats, anyone?
OWoman Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Thank goodness for some MM that took action instead of deny, deny and deny. Come to think of it... is there any MW that took action? Interesting question, Lyssa - the only ones I can recall were themselves OWs rather than MWs with SG OMs. But perhaps I'm misremembering.
taylor Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Taylor, I have some information to share with you, but I don't want to put in on the forum. Please PM me. How is it you have PM privileges with only 19 posts?
Lookingforward Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 How is it you have PM privileges with only 19 posts? Probably a supporting member who doesn't show that in their profile......
Lyssa Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Interesting question, Lyssa - the only ones I can recall were themselves OWs rather than MWs with SG OMs. But perhaps I'm misremembering. Yeah.. can't recall any MW.
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