Capricciosa Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months, maybe once a week. We met online, and after the first meeting I wasn't sure there was much to pursue, but I was curious enough to go out with him a 2nd and 3rd time, but when the date was over, I always questioned whether we should go out again. There is obviously some chemistry, and both of us keep agreeing to see each other again, but I still don't know what, if anything , is going on here. We haven't had sex, just some kissing and cuddling, which is kind of nice, but again, doesn't seem to change anything. I actually keep expecting him to drop out of sight and to never see him again. The last time we spent time together was last Sunday. He came over, helped me with a bunch of things in my garden, we went for dinner, then hung out some more, getting a little close physically. He seemed to want to stay over, but I was working the next day and didn't ask him to. I had asked the week before if he wanted to stay because it was really late, but he chose to go home. Anyway, I emailed him on Monday to give him some info and made a joke about his going home. He never replied (though we don't really get that much in touch during the week). Anyway, this morning I emailed again, asking him if he wanted to go to a movie this weekend (he knew I wanted to go and asked if I'd gone yet), and still no answer. I feel kind of odd about the thing, and every week I tell myself I should probably let this one go. But there's still something drawing me to him. What does this sound like to people. Am I wasting my time?
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Sounds like you like him but for whatever reason there's a lack of passion. Personally, I'm not sure why he's helping you with your garden instead of getting jiggy with you.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Infatuation, and a bit of the push and pull. You see potential in him, so you chase. Normally even before the honeymoon phase, most guys and girls are reciprocating or at least receptive to the other person in question, and they would always appreciate a date. But this guy seems hot and cold, bordering the verge of an ice storm.
JoeNewbie Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 This is going to sound terrible but often enough when a guy is iffy about a girl, sex provides a lot of answers. I am not saying holding off on sex is good or bad but nowadays two months of dating without any sex at all is very vertuous indeed. As for the e-mail thing, when in doubt never use the e-mail. Call him. But since you already e-mailed twice, I think you have no choice but to be patient.
Author Capricciosa Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 This is going to sound terrible but often enough when a guy is iffy about a girl, sex provides a lot of answers. I am not saying holding off on sex is good or bad but nowadays two months of dating without any sex at all is very vertuous indeed. I was dating 3-4 guys that I'd met and didn't want to get physical with anyone before I felt ready to start making choices. My inability to really see what is drawing us to each other has kept me more virtuous than usual And I know I should have called, but I chickened out. It's strange that he hasn't replied, but added me to something on facebook between the time I posted this first message and now (we're adults, by the way, he's got two teenaged daughters). Definitely hot/cold. But he's always been up for getting together and doing whatever it is I want to do when the time comes. Very confusing.
Author Capricciosa Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 Sounds like you like him but for whatever reason there's a lack of passion. Personally, I'm not sure why he's helping you with your garden instead of getting jiggy with you. Who the heck knows, but he also took me to a reno store for a tour (I'm renovating for the first time), and I really do need help with my garden
JoeNewbie Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Honestly, hot and cold isn't any good. You know him better but to me he doesn't seem to care enough for you. I think you should want to be with someone who truly wants to be with you.
jadedone Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I really do need help with my garden 2 months and he hasn't "plowed your field" yet, that is why.
Author Capricciosa Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 Honestly, hot and cold isn't any good. You know him better but to me he doesn't seem to care enough for you. I think you should want to be with someone who truly wants to be with you. Oh, I agree entirely. He replied to the email, by the way, and is up for the movie. But now I wonder what I am up for... There are a couple of other guys in the wings who are really enthused, call, email all the time, whether I reply or not. Why is it always the difficult one that gets my attention? I hate that old cliche.
imbewildered Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 What does this sound like to people. Am I wasting my time? His interest level in you was moderate at best and is dropping fast. Who knows why ? GUys who are hot for a woman will respond to her comms and readily make plans to see her. The opposite also applies.
imbewildered Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Why is it always the difficult one that gets my attention? I hate that old cliche. BEcause women always want what they do not have. That is why skillful men exploit this quirk and can create desire in her via " push/ pull " or indifference. You are hooked into this phenomenon.
confused and broken Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 IMO you are wasting your time... find someone who is genuinely interested... and definitely someone who wants in your pants lol
D-Lish Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 BEcause women always want what they do not have. That is why skillful men exploit this quirk and can create desire in her via " push/ pull " or indifference. You are hooked into this phenomenon. I've been caught in that trap before. Want what I can't have, disregard what is available and in pusuit mode. If you want the truth- it doesn't sound as if you even feel a spark yourself. I think it's more about wondering "hey- what's wrong with me that he doesn't want to pursue me more aggressively"... I've gone out with men before who didn't call me for a second date- and I wasn't even interested in them. All of a sudden I find myself wondering what is wrong with me. It's stupid really. As a result I have just gotten in the habit of waiting for someone to pursue me. This a a pretty common phenomena. SOmetimes you have to step outside the situation and look at it like a stranger would look at it. What would you tell a friend going through the same thing? Let's look at the facts: 1) you don't really feel the passion (even though the company is fine) 2) he is tardy in returning e-mails and you have to mail him twice to get an answer. 3) You are the one asking for the date. 4) he gets back to you when it's convenient. It's so very true- when you like someone, you will take the time to respond. I know I do. I once texted someone back that I was adoring during a pap smear...lol. When people are truly invested in getting to know you- they may still take things slow... but they won't leave you hanging so you have to send a second e-mail- especially after two months of dating. Do you think he may be feeling ready for sex and maybe thinks you are shutting down? Not that he is sees it as an expectation at this point- but perhaps he thinks you don't find him attractive enough to do it with him. It's hard to read- because if he iis looking to get laid... by neing a little more attentive- it may have happened already. I don't know it he's worth pursuing. I'd go to the movie this weekend and see how that date goes- maybe you will get a better read on him.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 It sounds like he might be giving you a taste of your own medicine. He might feel like your teasing him now. Did you explain yourself to him? Have you told him how you feel? What is your mind really telling you despite the doubt? Infatuation is a scary thing sometimes isn't it? DNR Good luck.
Author Capricciosa Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 Hmmm. I don't know that I'm infatuated. I have felt that before and it was a lot more dreamy and fun, even if it was unreal. What we have both admitted is that we are not sure what keeps us in each other's sphere--curiosity, opposites attracting, I don't know what. Which is why I haven't told him how I feel except for the I don't know part. We've seen each other 6 times in the 2 months, and our dates tend to last hours and hours despite the fact that we are not much alike. There are plenty of awkard moments--we specialize in those. But there is sometimes some weird complicity. Last week he was the one to call to see if I had any time on the weekend, and I wasn't sure cause I'm always considering dropping the whole thing, but when I called him back on Sunday, he was totally up to getting together (hence the gardening and dinner). He seemed to really want an invitation to stay over, but with work the next day, I just couldn't do it. Plus, when I'd asked him to stay the week before he kind of high-tailed it outta here--or that's the way I saw it. He kept talking about how great it would be to cuddle in the hammock, or sleep outside, or take my clone home with him, while I stayed home and went to work the next day. But I simply couldn't do it. Anyway, maybe it's simple. Not enough there. But I've not been in this kind of ambivalent situation before. It's usually a lot clearer. Especially after 2 months.
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