kivabeach Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 My BF of 4 years is considerably older than me. It has never affected us, or our relationship before. We get along great. BUT lately (and right after my best friend got married) I'm having doubts. I guess a part of me wants someone my own age just because that is what seems natural, normal,and that is what everyone else is doing. When I look around I NEVER see such an older man with a younger woman. I want to feelsomewhat normal. However, I do not find men my age attractive in the least bit. I'm 31, and I guess the ideal age for me would be 38-42ish. I suppose if i met someone my own age and he was wonderful, well, I'd date him. i'm not ageist. anyway, my question is should i be having these doubts? This is by far, the best and most healthiest relationship i've ever been in. All of my friends love him, as do some of my family memebers. I just dont know if i should continue on knowing that he's only going to get older and that his age will eventually become a problem. he just turned 60. Advice?
Sks Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Yea its a horrible idea, especially if you want kids.
Author kivabeach Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 Yea its a horrible idea, especially if you want kids. funny you should mention that. We don't! I might consider adoption, but having kids has never been a goal of mine. I'm just not much of a kid person.
Lizzie60 Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Well if kids are not in the 'plans' then I say just go with the flow.. you're having fun.. you're happy, he's happy.. so why not? It is way more accepted in society to see a 60 yr old man with a 30yr old woman.. the other way is not so accepted.. and very rare.. I should say. Life is too short to worry about things like 'age'.. Just work on being happy.. that's all..
luna3 Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 are you worried about appearing "normal"? you've already gained the acceptance of family and friends, and that is generally the most difficult thing to do. i've always dated much older myself, and those people are usually the ones who act politely, but smile and give you a look as though they think you've lost your marbles and are dating your grandfather! the only problem lies between the two of you: if either of you falls out of attraction with the other, if you suddenly can't face the thought that he might become disabled and you have a future of caring for him when you are merely middle-aged, if you suddenly wanted children. if lifestyle issues start affecting you, such as he's a sleepy homebody in the bark-o-lounger with his paper and slippers and you want to dance 'til dawn and travel the world, and so on...if none of these things comes to the fore and you're happy, then be happy!
OpenBook Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 My only advice is that the relationship will always be unequal, in terms of life experience. He will always have the advantage as far as that goes.
Shiranna Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I am so interested in this subject. I want advice too!! I have just joined here last night - so still trying to work out how everything works. I am pretty much in love with a guy 17 years my junior though. I am pretty sure he loves me too - but it is also a LD relationship. He was here - but then moved away with work a year ago and it would be two years until he would be back here - but I am not fussed with staying here - but there isn't much in my line where he is - however we could both move to a different place and both continue in our career paths. I came out of a soul destroying marriage 5.5 years ago - and I trust NO-ONE, but he always seems to be there for me. I wonder two things. Am I delusional to think that he loves me? and..................... Although he is quite adamant he doesn't want kids (I could still have them now - but I hate them and will never have any more) will nature just take over for a guy in like say 10 years and he will change his mind on that view. (do guys get biological clocks ticking?)
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