jalexy Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Hey all, I have mentioned this guy i have been dating before...i have been dating him for just about a week and a half now. He is a really nice guy, treats me nicely, gets along great with his fam, i think he would be a good father, etc one day. those are all the things i look for in a guy. of course, its only been a week and a half, who knows if all those things i just said are for sure. anywho, he really irritates me. i dont like the way he dresses that much, when i talk to him, it doesnt seem like hes tryign to get to know me and he just rambles and i tend to stop listening (eyes glaze over). and sometimes, hes way too touchy feely- i feel suffocated. if this dude was meant for me, would i already be complaining about him this early? should i talk to him about all these things or just move on in a nice way? i dont want to hurt this dude at all. hes very nice. help! Link to post Share on other sites
goldengirl2003 Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 You said this guy seems to be very touchy feely after a week and in the same breath you mention him being a potentially good father???!!!! Give me a break. Let this loser go, it is obvious that all he wants to do is get in your panties. Not only does he irritate you, but it sounds as if anything else but sex from you irritates him as well. Let this guy go!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Hey, you've only been dating this guy a week and a half. If it would devastate him if you ceased dating him at this point, he's got too many problems to be with you anyway. It seems he has lots of good points. But if he annoys you in ways you don't want to tolerate, just STOP accepting his dates now, let him know you are moving on, and end it. Why drag this on? Not liking the way a guy dresses is the least of your problems in dating. You can always get a guy nice clothes as the relationship progresses. In your case now, there seem to be other factors that give this guy little potential with you. As a rule, if you don't feel you want to continue seeing somebody...don't. I hope you will get to the point you don't need to seek advice on something this basic. Don't subject yourself to people or situations you find unpleasant. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 hes not into getting into my pants.......just for the facts here. but yes, i guess its too early to be irritated with this dude already. im goign to try to tell him i dont think hes getting to know me........ah, life goes on if this doesnt work out Link to post Share on other sites
superd Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Jalexy, I would say that in this situation it may not be too critical what you do and therefore if its getting too annoying then maybe you should let him go, but in general from reading your responses and posts you seem to be really picky, maybe too picky. That is a thing about yourself that you are definitely going to have watch your whole life long. Its not bad too have high standards but if they are always "skyscraper high" then alot of people with "big" hearts are going to pass by you unnoticed. In other words, aim for the best but don't take things and people for granted even if they are only somewhat working for you. Sometimes in life we don't get everything we want but we do get what we need and in the end, that is what is important, that is what enabled us to survive long enough to see the good times. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 this reply hit the spot, thank you, superd. Link to post Share on other sites
superd Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 your welcome jalexy, it has been a pleasure to help you out. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 his great qualities--> goal oriented, gets along with his fam, is great to me (cooks for me and brings me flowers), educated, talented, never cheated on his girls....isnt a pervert, doesnt like strip clubs. just an all around good guy flaws: his dressing and likes to talk a little too much i think its totally worth it to deal with the flaws, i think im glad you said something superd because guys like these are far and few between. a few flaws are ok, whats my darn deal? gosh Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 How on Earth do you know so much about this guy after a week and a half??? Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 tons of asking questions. i basically interview the guy......you would be amazed at how much i ask. i ask about EVERYTHING. i dont really like to waste my time on guys who arent what im looking for. im not saying they have to even date me, but i know what i want and dont want less anymore. ive taken less, way too many times. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 i basically interview the guy......you would be amazed at how much i ask. Then why are you complaining that he doesn't seem to want to get to know you? Are you even giving him the opportunity to ask you questions about yourself? If you ask him a ton of questions, he's going to keep talking about himself. That's how people are... I'm just curious, because after a week and a half, I'd imagine you've been on maybe 2 dates with him. I can't imagine just hardcore interviewing someone like that. (It just seems to me like a lot to know after 2 dates!) Have the dates been any fun, because it sounds like a lot of work to me! Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 haha yeah, we have seen one another 5 times, went out most of those times we were together. lots of talking on the phone, computer, etc. yes maybe you are right about me conditioning him to talking about himself. could be my fault. but i spoke to him about this today, not in those exact words, but i said i felt like i was getting to know more about him than him knowing me...and it has changed nicely. you seem pissed..... whats the deal clia? yes they were fun, just one time he kinda smothered me with kissing and hand holding (no sex!! none at all, not even close) so yeah... Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 you seem pissed..... whats the deal clia? Really? I guess I just forgot to use the . I'm just a little blunt sometimes--sorry. Sometimes it's hard to translate emotions via message boards... i said i felt like i was getting to know more about him than him knowing me...and it has changed nicely. That's good. Just remember that a lot of people like to get to know people a little slower...like peeling an onion. Maybe he's that type. 5 dates? Wow. I'm speechless! Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 haha, we are both in college....so i guess that would explain why so many dates? im glad you arent mad, good. i dont like making ppl mad. thanks for your help Link to post Share on other sites
superd Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 You kind of pissed me off. I can't stand this interviewing thing that the system trains girls to do. When you think about what they are really doing with these preliminaries is kind of shallow. It is like they don't really care about the guy, they are just looking for the perfect servant or servo-mechanism so they ask questions from a predetermined list of mindless questions that are designed not to find a real person but a robot. It is so typical of our drowning pool of a society. What is built in to the program that they integrate into our minds is not only self-defeating for the guys but also for the girls. These girls don't understand that if instead of going out with a hundred guys in a year for a week each and then deciding that they are not the right one because they failed the test or didn't get enough checks on the girl's mental checklist, they could give these guys more of a chance and really try to get to know them and see if their is a great person beneath the facade. But it is well documented that society trains us to put profit and almost everything else above people. I guess maybe its not only the girls that are the problem but they definitely do the choosing in the romance game. I guess I don't understand most people because I find most people don't have morals. Also, I know especially when they are young and in college, alot of males and females want to screw around with all kinds of people in some kind of perverted, twisted right of passage, even if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. What can you do though, you can't stop people from being who they are or who they want to be, it is just that the kind of person and especially guy that goes from vagina to vagina day in and day out without feeling bad about it or guilty in some way really disgusts me and contrary to popular opinion I don't consider him a man but a boy. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 yes, superd you are right to an extent. let me clear this up by showing you a few questions that i ask and why i ask them. i ask if they have tattoos, if they have been in jail, done drugs, cheated on a girlfriend ( i hate all of these things and dont want to date someone who takes part in them) i ask about their family life (which is not that important but it is nice to know they can get along with their family. i do realize not everyone is able or is lucky enough to get along with their family) i ask about their education( because it is extremely important to me and education means some kind of stability to me and i would like that in a man) i also, ask about what kind of drive they have- motivated to support a family one day, work hard for themselves. now, yes, this does in a sense stereotype males into the category of "yes or no" but, i have dated many guys and yes, ive dated one who was a felon, one who had a drug problem, one who cheated MULTIPLE times.......and what do i find? i am better without such a type of person. i know that i am well "qualified" to compliment such a person that i am looking for, or may have already found. i have never cheated, only smoked weed 5 times in my highschool life and will never do it again, no tatoos, etc. obviously, the things you expect or hope for in the other person should have all the things you have as well.....meaning you shouldnt ask for something of someone else that you dont have as well. make sense? hope you arent as offended. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 Lots of "regular" people have tattoos these days. You'd be surprised what lurks under some business suits in the corporate world... Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 very true, and for the record, i dont stereotype someone with tatoos........i just prefer a guy with none. it really turns me off when they have them. just a personal thing. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 o! find me an equally self-satisfied catch. jalexy, i love your posts babe, and i feel your angst over past men, but surely there must be a more..er...subtle way to find an exact demographic pair-bonding-breeding match. and what of eccentricity? chaos? or, y'know, depth? xox, j Link to post Share on other sites
superd Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 "and what of eccentricity? chaos? or, y'know, depth?" well jenny, jalexy might be looking for these things but she is not going to find them so by logical progression she really doesn't care about them. Shes looking for halfway between intellectual and common working joe, which is what I am finding most woman are looking for these days. Not too smart yet not too dumb, in other words just you average intelligence level suburbanite professional. And by the way for the more judgemental snobs, I am about as straightedge as you are going to find and I have a tattoo. You would never ever think it from looking at me. It is tastefully done and not were the people at work can see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousa Posted August 9, 2003 Share Posted August 9, 2003 Originally posted by superd "and what of eccentricity? chaos? or, y'know, depth?" well jenny, jalexy might be looking for these things but she is not going to find them so by logical progression she really doesn't care about them. Shes looking for halfway between intellectual and common working joe, which is what I am finding most woman are looking for these days. Not too smart yet not too dumb, in other words just you average intelligence level suburbanite professional. ... Yes, probably, and she's going to divorce him in her late 30s for being a total bore Been there, done that, almost got the t-shirt (well, was smart enough not to get married ). Disclaimer: ok, I know that this here is generalising and not necessarily applicable to many of those nice guys and gals out there, but couldn't resist Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 you know, i really dont care what yall think of me. keep saying what you will say. its pretty sad that you think im "pathetic" for having standards. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousa Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 Originally posted by jalexy you know, i really dont care what yall think of me. keep saying what you will say. its pretty sad that you think im "pathetic" for having standards. Might have missed it in the thread, but I wasn't under the impression anyone was thinking you are "pathetic for having standards" or anything like that .... - I felt it was more about the way and focus of your "questionnaire" that ppl were responding too Nothing wrong with having standards, my point is that you are most likely to find that what seems to be "right" for you in terms of your standards will not ensure the success of your relationship in the long-run ... it's not about criteria, I have learned the hard way ; it's about two people, personalities and the - more or less explosive - mix between them ... And that doesn't mean you got to fall for a violent drug-addict or any other unhealthy specimen but it will depend on things you won't find out in a quick check My 2 ct's worth, anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Immortal No More Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 Questioning is how you find out information..she does not want to waste her time with a guy who is going nowhere...she is a young woman who has thoughts of her future, and wants to see her family be something other then poor or homeless. If I went with her to eat say, and she asked me questions about drugs, jail, tattoos and future goals...i would answer her....its not a big deal....and if I had a tattoo and had been in jail...and she didnt want to pursue a relationship because of it, it is her right...it is all her decision on what she wants in a partner Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 ok, fair enough i recant a little. it's one thing for me to say this stuff when i know in advance the families, friends, or at least the hobbies of my perspective dates, (heads up, btw, the astronomy club is a great place to meet cool, ironically nerdy, guys,) but i expect it's a different kitten altogether when the guy is a stranger. when you do find your guy, too, you know he is going to be very very patient, so consider this an apology and a more-power-to-you tip of the hat. Link to post Share on other sites
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