Taking pieces for self improvement

[motive2002]

Sometimes I feel like I'm oblivious. So much to learn with each experience, if you let yourself.

I've had my time demonizing my ex. Making her the bad guy (or girl rather). It's easy to do. You didn't want the relationship to end, they did. So.. for a while it seems like, wtf? What did I do?

 

I know what I did. It came to me when being pursued by someone else. Insecurity. Clinginess. Jealousy... all wrapped up in emotional blackmail, persuasion, controlling behavior, manipulation. You name it. The lights were starting to come on in my head because what was being done to me (form the person pursuing) I realized I had done to my ex in the relationship!

 

It's important to take your pieces. Understand what you did wrong... not as a means of getting your ex back. Many times that's a lost cause. Damage is done, that bridge is burnt to ashes. Use the pieces to understand how your future relationships can benefit from you learning.. learning from your past mistakes.

It would be foolish for me to think I didn't play some significant role in the break-up. The admission of guilt, as posted above helps me understand where things went awry. I understand that relationship has come to an end, and all the insight will do nothing to repair it.. BUT, I have learned from it and that's what's important.

 

More pieces:

After the break-up, you start to see the red flags that you passed up. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, and all of the sudden you're thinking stuff like, "Why did I hook up with an alcoholic, narcissistic, flaky deadbeat like that? What did I see in them?"

Their specific behaviors can be cataloged in your mind, and used later in future relationships.. before infatuation controls your brain. The red flags, or whatever behavior you find hard to live with won't be so easily overlooked if you know the signs.

 

Now take those pieces and apply them to yourself. What kind of behavior did you find intolerable? Are those characteristics in your own personality?

It's kinda like hearing someone talk with a lisp. You stop and think to yourself, "wow, do I do that?" Same thing. Take your pieces and see if there's improvement you can make in your own personality.

For example, I hated when my ex would flake out on calling me back. It seemed rude and made me feel like I was way low on her priority list. Question is.. do I do the same thing? Am I flaky? Can I make an improvement there?

 

The short version, for those afraid of big blocks of text:

Take whatever you find unpleasant about someone else's (like the ex's ) behavior, and ask yourself if you do the same thing. If you make an improvement somewhere, you're rising above them, in a way. You've taken from the experience and come out a better person.

 

 

It sucks to be in a position where you're dumped and trying to cope, but the good news is there's lots to learn there. It may be an end to something, but a beginning to a potentially new and better you!

[orangehose]

This is a fantastic post. Thanks for swinging on by here...

 

I have certainly been keeping my ex's behavior in mind as I go about the rest of my life, as an example of how NOT to behave. And yes, I catch myself acting / thinking in ways he would have acted / thought. It's a good thing to keep in mind, especially as I now know how hurtful certain types of behavior can be.

[borelandkaren]

You're right. I am now so much more honest, sometimes to the point of brutality and now when I tell someone I'm going to do something, I do it. I got put into too many compromising positions and because I thought I loved Tony, I let him do these things, to and against me. Not anymore. My whole life has changed and I've started to become (even though I got sacked from my job and burned out my car!!!!!lmao:lmao::lmao:) someone who doesn't compromise her position, doesn't tell lies, am very straight to the point, am a far better friend than I was ever able to be while I was with him. I LOVE THE WAY MY LIFE IS BECOMING!!!!!!!