Rorocher Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 This is for those of us that have been through hell and back with stubborn, controlling, abusive, disrescpectful, mean, arrogant, alcoholic, psycho, you name it SOs. You always read, "but I love him with all my heart, I can't leave him". It often makes me wonder just how we define love and how it is possible to love people who aren't good to us. Is it really love or is it something else? perhaps, co-dependency, low self-esteem that doesn't open our eyes to the characters we claim to love? How is it possible to love someone who continually uses one as a verbal, physical and emotional punching bag? Is there such a thing as unconditional love afterall? or is there something else going on under the surface?
quankanne Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I vote b) there's something else going on under the surface. I've got relative in an abusive marriage, with two small children, but who refuses to leave the relationship. I don't know if it's because he's worn her self-esteem down so much that she feels better about herself because she's with someone (even though he hits her) or because she just can't imagine life any other way. It's pretty sickening, because she was VERY independent-minded when she was younger, now she sounds like a damned Stepford wife ... and she's bought into his way of thinking. :sick: I think to a degree, every relationship is co-dependent, it's just a matter of what level of self-respect you bring to the table that keeps it from devolving into a sick, sad shell of a relationship ...
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Is there such a thing as unconditional love afterall? or is there something else going on under the surface? I think there is. I have it for my daughter, and no one else. Don’t know why that is ... only that it just is. As for everyone else, whether they be relative, friend, lover , spouse or life partner ... ‘Love’ comes up empty if you don’t even ‘Like’ each other anymore. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about marriage or any other kind of non maternal/paternal relationship, “Like” does a better job of sustaining a romantic relationship in the long-term (and making darn sure you don’t do stupid crap to hurt each other) than any sense of obligation or commitment met half-heartedly in the name of “Love.” When you really think about it, most people are kinder to their friends and strangers than they are to the people they’re supposed to “love” most of the time. I can’t help but think there’d be fewer broken hearts and divorces if it were somehow the other way around. Then again, I’m just another idealistic dreamer too!
Author Rorocher Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 When you really think about it, most people are kinder to their friends and strangers than they are to the people they’re supposed to “love” most of the time. I can’t help but think there’d be fewer broken hearts and divorces if it were somehow the other way around. Amen to that, the ones that love you the most are the ones that can suprisingly inflict the most pain.
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