BittenbyLove Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I need some advice/insights. I met a gentleman online about 6 weeks ago. He's 42 and I am 30. Immediately we clicked. We started by writing each other long emails everyday for about 4 weeks (no phone calls), then we started talking on the phone everyday for the past 2 weeks. We have not met yet (he asked me recently for a lunch date but my schedule was tight), but we're clearly very interested in one another. He just got separated from his wife of 19 years, about 4 months ago. Clearly, he's still going through a lot of pain at this stage. Our conversations vary from discussing personal interests, to work issues, to shopping etc, sometimes mentioning his marriage issues and how much he contributed to the failure of his marriage. I really like him a lot. He's educated, very intelligent with a good job. I also appreciate the fact that he is not in a hurry with me, like most other guys have been. Question 1: I have noticed that he has not logged back into the dating website ever since we began talking. Should I do the same? Quite honestly, I continued to search and talk with other guys but now I feel so guilty because he doesn't do the same. Question 2: this guy has admitted to cheating on his wife several time with co-workers and people he met online while still married. He says he has realized his mistakes and learned his lesson. He also says he has a weakness for sex. He has no business telling me these issues but he did. However, should I really get involved with a wife cheater and a sex obsesser? On the other hand, I really appreciate his honesty to me. He says he wants clear communication with his partner in his next relationship. Does that make a difference? Also, do you think he's keeping communication lines clear with me now, because perhaps he's already considering me as his next relationship?
Jilly Bean Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Please, please tell me that you already know this guy is bad news. Don't you? OK, let's summarize: He is 4 months separated from a 19-year marriage. In this marriage, he cheated NUMEROUS times with women he met online and/or worked with. He admits to having a sex addiction. Why you even need to think this one any further is beyond me. RUN, girl!
BrooklynBridge Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Interesting that she chose BittenByLove as her screenname, I think its too late. You've already fallen for him haven't you?
btc8 Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Question 2: this guy has admitted to cheating on his wife several time with co-workers and people he met online while still married. He also says he has a weakness for sex. What makes you think that he isn't cheating on his wife now? I'm assuming you do not have any proof of his divorce, and since you haven't met him yet, it's somewhat impossible to determine his situations other than what he tells you. I think you should stay away. You deserve better than a guy who admits outright his untrustworthy (a cheater).
Author BittenbyLove Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 Thanks for all your responses. Jilly, does it make a difference that at least he has admitted to all these things and perhaps wants a fresh start? I mean, I know he's bad news all over, but if he's willing to change and perhaps seek help for his sex addiction, doesn't he deserve a second chance with someone? The part that concerns me is that he has separated for only 4 months! Do I hear rebound?? He's out of town visiting his parents in another state and we did not speak for one day.. I felt so weak. So, yeah, sadly, I think I'm in love with him.. BTC8, he has been open about so many other ugly things that he could have kept hidden, I don't really think he's still with his wife now. And he's separated, not divorced, so still no papers to prove. We talk every night for long hours, don't think it's easy doing that living with someone. I really don't know what to do. I really like him. He called me last nite from parents' house and we talked for hours. He said he can't go a day without talking to me. I feel the same way. I'm totally confused. Any advice on my 1st question? What do you guys read from his stopping to use that dating website, and should I do the same?
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I think I'm in love with him.. You're inlove with a man who continually cheats on his wife. You are inlove with the fantasy side of him that you've created in your mind. That and feelings he's brought out in you. You don't know this guy and from what he's told you about himself, he doesn't sound like a great catch.
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 What happens if he smells like a rancid fish and sweats like a sewer?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 You haven't even met him! The dynamic could totally change when you meet in person. Which brings me to my next question...why haven't you met yet? This just sounds like bad news, I'm sorry to say. Anybody can say they are separated. maybe they are separated in their own mind. Does the wife know they are separated?
Lookingforward Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 You haven't even met him! The dynamic could totally change when you meet in person. Which brings me to my next question...why haven't you met yet? This just sounds like bad news, I'm sorry to say. Anybody can say they are separated. maybe they are separated in their own mind. Does the wife know they are separated? I'm separated = my wife is in the kitchen :lmao:
EYECANDY000 Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Just because hes hasnt logged on to "that website" doesnt mean hes not logged onto another dating website. You should go with your feelings! if you feel like you dont want to log into to that website because he hasnt is your own personal decision. and i think him telling you that hes a cheater is the first stage to a disaster. Seems more like a disclaimer! Dont take this guy serious!
Lishy Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 My instinct is to tell you to run for the hills!!!!!!!!!! This guy is BAD news!!!!!! You would be crazy to think about even still writing him, let alone meeting him! Take our advice and get out before you get in!
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