moneypenny74 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I have been married for 8 years and have four children. I met my husband in 1999, after thinking for a long time that I'd never meet someone that I wanted to marry. At first, things were wonderful. We'd go out, have a great time. Then he started acting oddly - telling me he was going to run out for groceries or to Dunkin Donuts but not come back for ages. If he saw me talking to another guy, he would get into a snit and leave. Finally, one night, he pulled a tantrum when we were out with friends and left the bar. I didn't follow him. He came back in and asked me to come outside. That's when he told me he was married with two kids, one more on the way. Oh, and did I forget to mention that we were engaged by this point? I was in shock. All that went through my mind at that moment was "how can I explain this to my parents?" He begged me to stay, said he and his wife had been emotionally separated for ages, the conception of the newest baby was an attempt to reconcile, etc etc. I stupidly believed him and stayed. It was horrific on me, mentally. On the one hand, I had horrible guilt about being the 'other woman'. On the other hand, I was petrified of being on my own and having to explain things to everyone. It took forever for his divorce to be granted and we married in 2001 and had our first child in 2002. Fast forward to now. We've been through a lot. Fight after argument about money. His inability to think about anyone but himself. His spending time on the laptop instead of playing with the kids. Our bankruptcy. His dishonesty about a woman he met, claiming that he told her he was married (I saw the emails - nothing in there indicated anything about him being married) and his subsequent dishonesty about not telling me she was at this week-long conference he attended. The porn websites. There's a lot more. I'm in therapy now and my therapist and I have just started talking about my marriage. But I know that I do not want to live out the rest of my life like this. I don't have any passion for him nor do I have any interest in sex. I don't miss him when he's gone and I feel like we started this relationship on a dishonest note and the cracked egg has never been fixed. And I'm not sure I want to fix it. I ache at the thought of hurting him, but I don’t want this to be my eternity.
quankanne Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 sometimes you just have to do the hard thing when it's the right thing to do. And somehow, I get the feeling that it's going to hurt YOU more than it will him, because you sound like someone full of love. don't let that stop you from walking away from a dead-end relationship, because that is not what God has in mind for you, nor what he would ever ask of you. But I think you already knew that
homey76 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I have to agree with the last post here. You are not obligated to stay in this situation. Many people, including me, feel guilty about leaving their spouse because of how bad it will make them feel. There are obviously very good reasons for you leaving. This will hurt both of you, and as the last poster said, probably you will hurt the worst. I am what they call "over-caring", and I am still more worried about what my STBXW will feel than how I am liberating myself from a prison of an abusvie marriage. Don't let your conscience take you into false guilt.
Author moneypenny74 Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Thank you both. I'm not looking forward to this process at all.
Billy Bob Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 That's when he told me he was married with two kids, one more on the way. Oh, and did I forget to mention that we were engaged by this point? I was in shock. All that went through my mind at that moment was "how can I explain this to my parents?" He begged me to stay, said he and his wife had been emotionally separated for ages, the conception of the newest baby was an attempt to reconcile, etc etc. I stupidly believed him and stayed. You are insane! You got tangled up with a guy who lied to you about being married.. He even had a new baby on the way? And he was engaged to you???? And now you have 4 kids with him? This means he has at least 7 kids right? And he's off to another woman again? pretending he is not married? This guy is real scum! Divorce his butt. I can't imagine getting too much child support from a guy with 7 kids and (soon to be) 2 ex-wives...... I hope he makes a good living.
quankanne Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Thank you both. I'm not looking forward to this process at all. we're here for you, MP, whenever you need us, okay?
Author moneypenny74 Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 You are insane! You got tangled up with a guy who lied to you about being married.. He even had a new baby on the way? And he was engaged to you???? And now you have 4 kids with him? This means he has at least 7 kids right? And he's off to another woman again? pretending he is not married? This guy is real scum! Divorce his butt. I can't imagine getting too much child support from a guy with 7 kids and (soon to be) 2 ex-wives...... I hope he makes a good living. He does make a good living, but thanks for reminding me what a mess I got myself into. In other words....I know, I know, I know....
wannabehappy Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 How you met him is the past, you are where you are at now. Now you have to deal with that. If you are not happy and don't want to be with him it is up to you. If he is cheating then there is a problem on his part as well. Discuss it with him and a therapist. Good Luck!!!!! I will pray for you.
Recommended Posts