guy4576 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 my girlfriend has a guy friend of hers that has been in jail for several years. They write back and forth often and sometime he gets to call her. She is real secretive about the letters he sends her that she doesn't want anyone to get ahold of them to read. She says he is one of her best friends and that they are only friends. She says that they have never dated and never will and that he is like a brother to her. She did however admit that they have had sex a few times before in the past before he went to jail. My problem is she just found out that he is about to get released from jail here in about a month of two. Im jealous for some reason and worried that she will leave me for this goofball or sleep with him. I just know he is going to be horny when he gets out and looking for sex. Am I just over-reacting of should i be worried?
Davey McG Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 You're not overreacting and you should be worried. Let's look at the situation: 1. He's a criminal and been in prison 2. She keeps criminal company and admits to having sex with him several times 3. She and him write often and she's very secretive about what they write. Would she would like you keeping in touch via secretive letters to someone you'd slept with? Have you wondered whether she's just been seeing you until her real boyfriend gets out? Don't say they are like brother and sister because brother and sister don't sleep together (unless you happen to be in the deep south). This stinks to me and there's more to it than you know. Confront her and find out everything. If she won't tell you, then you know something is amiss.
JoeNewbie Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Girls who think that criminal guys are cool are in fact stupid. No decent person would want such friends (unless that person is in your family or something).
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Am I just over-reacting of should i be worried? #2 - be worried. He's gonna want some action as soon as he gets out, and it sounds like there's a good chance she's gonna help him with that. The fact that she was hiding her communications with him sent up a big red flag - at that point, the fact that he is inside became incidental. I'd be saying this whether he was doing a bid at Marion or making bids on Wall Street. If there was nothing between them, she wouldn't have hid the letters like she did. Davey's right; confront her. If you feel her answers are avoiding or evasive in any way, you'll have confirmation of your fears. There's a good chance that she'll leave you for him, have a quick fling, realize that most ex-cons aren't the wild west outlaws that movies portray them as (in my experience, most more closely resemble the quiet war vet than the wild gunslinger), and she'll come back. So the question then becomes, would you take her back? Girls who think that criminal guys are cool are in fact stupid. No decent person would want such friends (unless that person is in your family or something). That's an unfair statement, don't you think? Who knows what he's in for, or what the circumstances were? It may not have been intentional; it could've just been a badly-timed lapse in judgment or a momentary burst of anger. Just because he's in right now, doesn't automatically make him a bad person. And for the record, no, I have never been indicted or convicted of any charges. But I have known some who have.
D-Lish Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Girls who think that criminal guys are cool are in fact stupid. No decent person would want such friends (unless that person is in your family or something). I don't think it's cool to have friend's that are prisoners... but I had a friend go to jail when I was younger- early 20's I think. He got charged with assault. We were playing mixed baseball and a guy on the other team slid into my friend's gf on purpose (maliciously) and knocked her out. My friend went nuts and beat the crap out of the guy. He got charged and went to prison for 9 months. I remained in contact with him while he was in jail- I had known him my whole life, and still do... I saw that as an isolated incident. The guy had never been violent before and hasn't been since. He was wrong and had a very bad lapse in judgement.. but I didn't end the friendship because of it. This circumstance is obviously different... I WOULD be suspicious of their relationship regardless of what his offense is. I'd take issue to the secrecy. If there is nothing to hide- there is nothing to be secret about. Has she given you other reasons to be mistrustful ever? Have you ever gotten a hold of any of the letters? If they are just friends- the letters should reflect that, and if it were me, I would show my bf the letters to allieviate his worries without batting an eye. I think this will become an issue upon his release. I'd watch this carefully.
luna3 Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 you've gotten some very good advice. she's going to sleep with him again. regardless of his status as an ex-con, women who behave like this with ex-boyfriends (he qualifies, even if they didn't have relationship in the classical sense) are keeping the guy attached to them for a reason. usually that reason is variety, excitement, flirtation, etc. and eventually...sex. take it from someone who has done it!
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