HopeDiesLast Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 So how come the ex was on the same page as me (or you) for so long, and then it all of a sudden changed? Why are we all so obsessed with the "why"? I, personally, can't understand how that just changes.... Comments welcome.
Superdad Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Well I guess we just drift apart sometimes, lose interest, predictable sex, start looking over the fence and generally stop communicating with each other. Why ? I guess it's just part of human nature Superdad !!
Author HopeDiesLast Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Is it bad to want to ask the ex why? to just know the cold, harsh truth as to why things changed?
northstar1 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Is it bad to want to ask the ex why? to just know the cold, harsh truth as to why things changed? Well, can you handle what they might tell you? I guess the point is, even if you know what changed (they were no longer in love, or attracted etc), will it make a difference? It's not bad to ask, and they might tell you the truth, but it depends on fi that will bother you.
Superdad Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I don't think you'll ever get a true response to that, what you'll get is what they think you want to hear or what they think will hurt you the least. Superdad!!
Ronni_W Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Is it bad to want to ask the ex why? to just know the cold, harsh truth as to why things changed? It's not "bad", no. But she may not have all the info that you want, anyway -- even if she does know some (or all) of her own reasons and answers, they still may not be sufficient to satisfy that part of you that is over-focused on the 'why'. I'm starting to think that a lot of it is that, somehow, the relationship no longer supports and encourages who we are and/or who we want to be. (It has become limiting, for any number of a million possible reasons.) And then we exhaust ourselves trying to fit into that limiting "box" that our thoughts, feelings and perceptions have created for us. And/or, the relationship stops offering positive opportunities for personal growth and development or, at least, we perceive that it has, which then becomes the reality that we must either accept or change.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 I guess you're right Ronni, that the relationship no longer supported what i want or who i want to be. When im maturing and growing and he is stuck in college mode- theres not much i can do. I guess he noticed before i did. But in his case, how can a partying, undeveloping, unmotivated life style EVER feel like thats where he wants to go?
Ronni_W Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 how can a partying, undeveloping, unmotivated life style EVER feel like thats where he wants to go? Not that that is where he wants to GO but, if your assessment is correct, it is where he wants to BE (right now in his life.) It's not what you want for yourself or where you want to be in THIS moment (at this stage of your life), but that doesn't make his current, self-defined needs any "better" or "worse" than yours...or mine. We must each be allowed to define our own needs, dreams and goals without fear of judgment, criticism or reprisals. That's what unconditional love looks like. It doesn't mean, though, that he is ALWAYS gonna want to be partier, college student. That he recognized that you two were on different pages is actually a wise, mature insight for him to have had. That he set you free to not be limited by his current needs and desires could prove a blessing in disguise -- you can continue to pursue your own growth without being encumbered by someone who is unmotivated and has no current interest in self-development.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 You're right....it makes me more angry that it was a smart decision. I can understand to that point why he did it. what bothers me is that were not on the same page. bc i wanted to badly for us to be. so maybe someone great will come along or maybe we'll catch up to each other at some point....the fear of not knowng what comes next scares me. but i love him and i always will...and if i have to let him go so he can be happy and so i can be happy...then i will.
celinedion1 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 My ex changed drastically after he had a stable job, got some money and met a friend of his at work. Now that we're broken up, my exs friend whos a guy and who doesnt know me, wants my ex and i to not have anythign to do with me, to not be friends etc. Anyway my ex simply changed because of money. After he got money he got an ego and now he spends all of his money on everyone (except me) and then yells at me to get a job and yells at me cause he has no money.
sultry33 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 You're right....it makes me more angry that it was a smart decision. I can understand to that point why he did it. what bothers me is that were not on the same page. bc i wanted to badly for us to be. so maybe someone great will come along or maybe we'll catch up to each other at some point....the fear of not knowng what comes next scares me. but i love him and i always will...and if i have to let him go so he can be happy and so i can be happy...then i will. you sound like me here.. i fully understand why we broke up and i think he made the right choice to move out.. but i cannot understand how he could want me out of his life completly.. its all or nothing with him.. i was ok with just being bf/gf without the living together.. i would have been faithful and loyal.. i loved him enough to do what it takes his words was i will always love you and i know i wont love or have the same with anyone else... so yes we was on same page there.. just im alone without his love now as he wanted.. how is that love? i asked all the questions.. got all the answers and yes the answers was ok.. but it never really helped me as we are still apart.. although i broke nc last week.. he replied asking for my num.. so who knows what will happen.. just like another poster said.. ask but you may only get reply to make you feel better not necessarily the truth.. the what ifs.. and whys are the hardest i think:love:
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Well my answers are that he "doesn't feel it anymore". hes "content with his life". We shouldnt have to try this hard- its been 4 weeks no contact and all i want to do is text him and ask "why havent u sent one message to see how i am in 4 freaking weeks?!?!" Maybe because hes distracting himself with someone else
xaslovegoes Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 The truth is wheb relationships end people either show their true colors of a horribly distorted version of themselves. They aren't going to be who you thought they were. My ex has regressed to an immature version of the man I believed him to be. Look at how they are behaving, if you don't like it then know it's for the best. If you don't like someone at their worst why would you want them. This has helped me through my break up considerably. The fact is they might not want to leave the college phase. You can't have an adult relationship until you start to behave like an adult. One day they'll be ready for that and reflect on what they did when they weren't ready. And that's when they will look at the situation. By then though, you will have moved on. Take comfort in the idea that you have already reached that point because we all know how hard growing up can be.
babes23 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I'm glad i saw that person who he turned into, maybe that's what he was like all along. Someone else is welcome to him, i don't need or want a person like that in my life.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Im so happy i found out who my ex really was. not one response to me after 2 and half yrs? YOUR sorry ass leaves ME and u cant even call me or text me to see how i am? i ask for one phone call and get nothing. i hate him. i truly do. i NEVER expected this from him.
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