Superdad Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 It's been a while since I posted thanks to the total incompetence of BT in getting me online again. I can't find previous posts I made regarding custody of my son. Summary: We were together for 18 years. We had 2 beautiful kids now aged 15(D) and 8(S). She decided to have an affair which I inevitably found out about 4 months later. She had unprotected sex with me and the other guy....sigh! She also confided in a 'desperate guy at the local gym', discussing very private family matters...tut tut. The day I moved out WITH the kids I was punched,kicked, spat on and told 'how good the other guy was'(yawn) etc. She also stole several personal belongings on the day of the removal. The problem was both my kids wanted to come stay with me and their mother insisted that my son was going to stay with her. I eventually tapped into her single braincell and explained that the best place for my SON to be was where he wanted to be....with his DAD. So now I have been away from my other half for just over 3 months with both my kids. It's certainly been one of the most testing times in my life to date, having to give up work and do EVERYTHING about the house...I just don't seem to get a minute to myself. I don't have any grandparents or anyone who can take them both, even for a night, to give me a break. Full credit to all the single mums/dads out there doing it day in day out...you just don't realise how difficult a job it is until your actually doing it, not just the physical side of things but the emotional aspects too such as dealing with the kids arguing more often, personal problems and wanting more and more attention. Many days I feel as though I'm being punished for her actions but I know that will fade through time. My daughter (15) will not go see her mum never mind stay over and my son has only stayed with her for 2 nights since we left, he just doesn't want to. Things are very amicable now so their mum has been down to visit them on several occasions and we've had the usual chat about where we are now and where we're both going. She wants me to be her boyfriend as she can't bear the thought of me being with someone else (buying time more like), well I said I'm already over that side of things as I've had it in my head for about 4 months now and it doesn't hurt so bad now...you'll get used to it. I've told her I fully intend to find another woman to share the rest of my life with, I'm not looking for lustful one night stands and I don't have any female friends either...I didn't think it was appropriate in a long-term relationship and I wouldn't impose a 'new mum' on my kids so soon either. I understand the way she acted the day I moved out was 'a mum parting with her kids', we all loved her 110% and I even gave the relationship another go initially for the sake of the kids. The truth is I can forgive what she done, but will never forget. I simply can't spend the rest of my life with someone who could inflict such pain on me and leave me in the situation I find myself in today...it was the ultimate selfish act. I do go on...I just wanted to get it off my chest as I don't have anyone close enough to discuss my thoughts and feelings at this time. Next challenge: Taking the kids on holiday abroad on my OWN Superdad p.s. I do still love her...but more like a sister now.
quankanne Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 there is a world of difference between you and your ex ("She wants me to be her boyfriend as she can't bear the thought of me being with someone else"), and I'm glad your kids have such a loving dad who puts them first. from how it sounds, I think you're going to do just fine, SD ... you're a role model for single fathers, IMO :love:
mark982 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 superdad, while i'm a relative new comer here.the way you handlrd things is the best i've seen on LS. i'm impressed. good luck to you.
Author Superdad Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Thank you both for your kind comments and for taking the time to read my post, it's much appreciated. Superdad !!
mma_j Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 You are a real superdad. Amazing story and very inspirational!
Issues & tissues Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Superdad by name. Superdad by nature. You are doing a great job and your kids are going to one day thank you for being the rock that you are and for giving them the stability they need. I just wish I had had a dad like you. You will love again and you will find a woman who appreciates and admires your strength and courage. :love:
CaliGuy Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Dude, EXCELLENT work. And there will be another woman who sees extreme value in you. Once she gets to know you and sees how you have handled things. I can't see ya staying a free man on the market too long. A great woman will snatch you up in a heartbeat Cheers!
Lishy Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 You sound like a nice guy. I wish you all the best in your future and YES it is hard doing it by yourself with no help, I do that too but I do have the help from my mum but then I feel the guilt for asking her as she is getting on. However hard it gets, you will get more satisfaction from being a good parent than any job you will do!
Author Superdad Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 Again, thank you all for your kind words, it really means a lot to me at this time. I just found out today she had been keeping contact with the person she had an affair with during the 'give it another go' stage a while back and had even seen him in person. She also says she has deep feelings for him and will hopefully settle down with him. GL sir. As you can imagine this hurts quite a bit knowing that her heart was 100% elsewhere during the time I gave it another go for the sake of the kids. I know, I was such a fool!! As we chatted today, she spent more time asking for a gold bangle back I bought for her than she did about the kids. I said the bangle was a token of love from me to you and I'd rather keep it and make 2 rings for the kids with it (Am I being petty?). After all it's only jewellery which can be bought with cash at any jewellery shop in the country, I don't have the luxury of buying back what I've lost. Then she says "Well, you won't be getting your late mothers bangle back then", obviously one of the many things she 'stole' before/during the moving out...takes a special kind of lady to do that. Eventually things settled down a bit and she asked if we could still be friends, I said absolutely not, we'll be friends to the point of whatever contact you have being the mother of our children but anything beyond that is not for me. I won't hate her but I simply don't regard her as a friend anymore, someone I can trust and rely on, it's too difficult. The kids are doing fine just now and that's all that matters at this time. Again, great to get it off my chest, once again. Superdad !!
foxh1234 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Your kids are very lucky to have you. It sounds like you are a great person and you deserve so much better than this. Good luck and keep up the good work with the kids and in healing, things will get better for you.
Author Superdad Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 Today was another interesting day, she was down to pay me another visit and supposed to be dropping my son off too. Unfortunately things went totally pear shaped again. She turns up at the door without my wee boy She demands her bangle back...again (she still has my l8 mums). She calls me all the names under the sun. Threatens to 'keep' my son whom I have full legal custody of Threatens to personally come down and punch 'f**k' out of me. (not that she could). Threatens to have my face ripped off, 'done in' by others etc etc. Tries to kick my door in 3 times and storms off shouting obscenities in front of neighbours etc. how embarrassing. The only advice I could give her was to go see a phsychiatrist...sigh whatever next. I'd love to know what I've done to deserve all this grief She was the one that chose the path she's now walking. Superdad !!
Lishy Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Bloody hell, she sounds like my ex! I know how hard it is as I had to deal with that level of abuse until I made a stand and got an injunction out.
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