wildsoul Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I broke up with my guy last Saturday. Haven't seen him in person or talked on the phone since then. DAYS 1 & 2: We had some unfortunate rounds of email and IM. That was instigated by me, alternating between upset, sadness, and some pathetic attempts at leaving the door open for a future relationship after he's fully separated. Day 3: He sent me a 1 sentence email last night, telling me about an injury he had. I dove for the reply button like a life saver, but managed to keep my reply to 1 sentence too. Day 4: Today, I'm still in such heavy grief! I can't see straight I'm in such a depressed fog. For the first time since I broke up with him, I got out of the house. No makeup, puffy crying eyes, but I went out for lunch and some errands. One sweet thing happened. A nice man started a conversation with me at the cafe and asked me out for a date. I really looked at felt like hell! But I was friendly and politely lied about having a boyfriend when he asked for my phone number. I'm not at all ready, and he wasn't my type. But I have to admit that it was a small ego boost after feeling so unloved and pathetic all week. I can't seem to shake the grief yet. My brain is so foggy. I'm self-employed and should be working, but I'm too much of a zombie. And tips for me?
Chinook Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 A breakup is still a breakup. It takes time. It's hard and it will hurt more some days than others. But you have to maintain your resolve to get past this. The longer you respond to him and his one liners, the longer it will take to get past it. I really wish I could offer more advice and tips. It hurts now, but it will get better. Just keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other... some day you'll look back and feel okay again.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 What you're doing isn't No Contact. You need to not reply to his email. You need to not text him or answer any calls. No contact is no contact. If you're going to do it, then do it. It'll make an impact, I promise.
Author wildsoul Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Thank you. For the record, I haven't declared an official NC to myself yet. So I'm not breaking one. But I haven't been in contact for 24 hours. For now, I'm doing one day at a time. One hour at a time. When I declare NC, I want to really mean it.
beautifullove Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 All you can do is take it one day at a time. I'm not sure what phase I'm going through right now, but I think my feelings toward him are turning to anger. I want to completely erase him from my memory, and move on as if he never existed. If he can do it, why am I struggling to move on??? I am replaying events in my mind, and wishing that I followed my instincts from the start and just stayed friends. Anyway, just venting, and struggling. BUT, we'll get through it. Right???
astra77 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 All you can do is take it one day at a time. I'm not sure what phase I'm going through right now, but I think my feelings toward him are turning to anger. I want to completely erase him from my memory, and move on as if he never existed. If he can do it, why am I struggling to move on??? I am replaying events in my mind, and wishing that I followed my instincts from the start and just stayed friends. Anyway, just venting, and struggling. BUT, we'll get through it. Right??? Yes huny YES YES YES Its the hardest thing i have ever done in my life, Period. I NEVER WANT TO FEEL THIS PAIN AGAIN. Im no where near over it, dont know that i ever will get over it, but i see the light at the end of the tunnel, and i am running as fast as I can to get there. Advice ? Not sure really, im at a later stage of my break up and am working on my M. Right now the rollercoaster ride i have been on is slowing down - thank god - and i am out of the fog. But i still have a fair way to travel. Everyone is different, we all grieve and cope in many different ways, all of them normal. Google "grief" and have a read of the articles, some of it can be very helpful.
mytruelove Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 how are you doing now? sounds like your pretty close to where i'm at right now. it is so very hard. i'm not going complete nc, but i am definitely trying to pull back. i get the one-liner emails too-lol. this weekend was kinda hard. i sent him an email to call me -nothing. so frustrating. he works close to where i'm at. i see him out and want to stop, but just drive by i did go see some movies and got stuff done around the house, so i feel kinda refreshed. today i want to call him, but i am going to stick to not calling him until tomorrow. you can do this hon. your strong and you sound really sweet and you have a desire for more and a better life for yourself. you'll get through this!!!
Author wildsoul Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 Hi there mytruelove! I just posted a lengthier update in my thread about NC temptation. I'm keen to hear how your process is going too. Sounds like you're doing a version of what I just labled "soft NC." Looking forward to hearing more. It seems that so many hear have found that only full NC works. But maybe that's not always the case. I wonder if there are other ways to get the boundaries fixed in an affair. So please keep posting and sharing your thoughts and experience!
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