Lizzie60 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Lizzy, you're just trying to find reasons to justify her behavior! No, don't send it to her boss, Confused. Don't give her a reason to go after your paycheck! Oh no.. I'm not.. I can read between the lines here.. This guy, IMO, is a mean, bitter who only think about his own 'happiness' or 'unhappiness' and doesn't care about his kids, who, IMO, should come first, no matter what. I am not justifying her behaviour.. but I am not taking his side either.. there are always two sides ... sorry.
Darth Vader Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Oh no.. I'm not.. I can read between the lines here.. This guy, IMO, is a mean, bitter who only think about his own 'happiness' or 'unhappiness' and doesn't care about his kids, who, IMO, should come first, no matter what. I am not justifying her behaviour.. but I am not taking his side either.. there are always two sides ... sorry. Actually, there's three! His, hers, and the TRUTH! It sure looks like you're looking for reasons.......... That's what I'm reading in "between the lines".........
pelicanpreacher Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 So I found a sexual chat log that the STBXW had with OM while she was at work as a Office manager in a small office. I want to send it to her boss to see what she has been doing on company time. Is that wrong to do? Yes, your wife is a person that deserves to be crushed with merciless vindiction. The way you play this though is to proceed to a divorce that secures your rights as a father as amicably as possible by lying through your teeth to assuage her sense of cooperation and forgiveness from you. After the divorce is complete then, and only then, do you divulge this type of information to her employer. As a matter of fact, keep this info so that every employer that she applies with in the future is also provided with this info. This will ensure that she gets a full understanding of the consequences that comes from playing with your emotions. Let the stench of her being follow her for, after 15 years of this, I guarantee that after living the brutal devestation you can wreak upon her life, she will come to permanently adhere to the moral code the rest of us live by that she so flippantly disreguarded in her behavior to date! Forget about the notion that she's the mother of your children for she has reduced herself to merely an egg donor, a gestation recepticle, and your "run of the mill hose bag".
troubadour Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Pelicanpreacher... how can you reduce yourself to this level? You are simply pathetic in your hatred.
pelicanpreacher Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Pelicanpreacher... how can you reduce yourself to this level? You are simply pathetic in your hatred. I am pragmatic in my perspective. You are the type of individual that would allow child molesters and people like Ted Bundy to roam amongst us because your bleeding heart just can't bear to see justice meted out to the unjust. Hold tight to your pathetic wimp-made views on life. Tell me about your "feelings" when you're asked to identify your loved one on the slab!
xjohnsgirlx Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 wow ... i think im too young to give advice on this.. but with my x he use to be physically and mentally hurtful... blamed it on insecurity.. always said he wud stop, never do it again... i stayed for months believing his lies, he never stopped... what does your heart truely tell you. *hug* all my wishes
2sure Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 It sounds to me that for your own reasons, financial being the biggest, you prefer to stay in the marriage. With a previous divorce and your six children - its valid. Only you can decide how valid. Just for the sake of looking at options, lets talk about what you could do instead of divorcing. Sounds like you love your wife and her actions are breaking your heart. Assuming you are not abusive/controlling/domineering - she has not been able to give you any insight regarding her behavior. I know I'm on shaky ground here - your situation seems almost hopeless, but what if you stay/let her stay? What are your terms/rules for her. She clearly needs them, they will need to be enforcable, and have consequences. This sounds like a lot of work possibly, but paying child support for six kids damages everyone involved and it sounds like your looking for other ideas. Are her affairs all generated on-line? No more computer. Lock it up until she gets used to not having that entertainment/contact. If she uses it at work, hold that proof over her head. Contact each OM or better yet their SO each and everytime there is an email/phone call/IM that is unfamiliar to you or inappropriate. Its inconvenient and requires diligence - but eventually, this may break her cycle. Its not worth it. I know this suggestion will be met with doubt or possibly contempt. A cheater can always find a way. But if she is doing this out of boredom, habit, etc - it may not be important to her if its so much work. This is what I have done with my H , kind of. This and other things - and while I'm still here, I think we are on our way to a good place. Im open to comment/ideas. In reality, sometimes Divorce is just not the only option for a variety of reasons.
troubadour Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I am pragmatic in my perspective. You are the type of individual that would allow child molesters and people like Ted Bundy to roam amongst us because your bleeding heart just can't bear to see justice meted out to the unjust. Hold tight to your pathetic wimp-made views on life. Tell me about your "feelings" when you're asked to identify your loved one on the slab! pelicanpreacher, pelicanpreacher, pelicanpreacher... Have you ever heard me talking about child molesters? No, you have not. So how do you know what I think about them. Do you think that you maybe bitter to the point of becoming delusional. As far as Mr. Ted Bundy is concerned I would only like to say that we live in the same city.... Chicago. I do not think we will see each other too often since I live on 51st floor in downtown and he appears to be a dedicated "family man" from the suberbs... but who knows. Pelicanpreacher... my hart is not bleeding... on the contrary... I have been in a relationship with a gorgeous yoga instructor from Brazil for two years. Things have been great between us from the beginning except for a few rather meaningless misunderstandings. She is such enchanting woman. Pelicanpreacher... I will take a sophisticated guess that your hart is still bleeding very badly... and you fail to deal with it on rational level For the record... I have never been mrried and I have never been cheated on in any meaningful relationship. Actually as far as I know it happend only once... the girl was 19 year old at the time and I have absolutely no hard feelings toward her. She was 19 yeard old and we were just dating like teenagers do at that age. I did a lot of stupid things at that age too. As a matter of fact I have seen her about a year ago and we had a very nice conversation at Starbucks. I was glead to hear that everything was going O.K. in her life. And finally... why do you think that my life is pathetic. I really would like to hear it... I am just curious. I am a sucessful painter with some international recognition and I always thought that I have something unique to offer. Think about this... if someone is willing to pay a price of new Honda Civic for my painting and we have to keep in mind that art has no practical value or application... would you not agree that there must be something in it. Am I really that pathetic or you are simply so bitter. I have never been in situation in which I had to identify my love one on the slab... I can imagine that I would be devastated by the experience. But, in a long run, I would never let myself become a hateful, pathetic, locked in his own narrow mind man like you have become. I love life and I love people despite the fact that they are not perfect. I would advice you to get some professional help... you are not doing too well.
Darth Vader Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Yes, your wife is a person that deserves to be crushed with merciless vindiction. The way you play this though is to proceed to a divorce that secures your rights as a father as amicably as possible by lying through your teeth to assuage her sense of cooperation and forgiveness from you. After the divorce is complete then, and only then, do you divulge this type of information to her employer. As a matter of fact, keep this info so that every employer that she applies with in the future is also provided with this info. This will ensure that she gets a full understanding of the consequences that comes from playing with your emotions. Let the stench of her being follow her for, after 15 years of this, I guarantee that after living the brutal devestation you can wreak upon her life, she will come to permanently adhere to the moral code the rest of us live by that she so flippantly disreguarded in her behavior to date! Forget about the notion that she's the mother of your children for she has reduced herself to merely an egg donor, a gestation recepticle, and your "run of the mill hose bag". I never thought of this angle!
pelicanpreacher Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 pelicanpreacher, pelicanpreacher, pelicanpreacher... Have you ever heard me talking about child molesters? No, you have not. So how do you know what I think about them. Do you think that you maybe bitter to the point of becoming delusional. As far as Mr. Ted Bundy is concerned I would only like to say that we live in the same city.... Chicago. I do not think we will see each other too often since I live on 51st floor in downtown and he appears to be a dedicated "family man" from the suberbs... but who knows. Pelicanpreacher... my hart is not bleeding... on the contrary... I have been in a relationship with a gorgeous yoga instructor from Brazil for two years. Things have been great between us from the beginning except for a few rather meaningless misunderstandings. She is such enchanting woman. Pelicanpreacher... I will take a sophisticated guess that your hart is still bleeding very badly... and you fail to deal with it on rational level For the record... I have never been mrried and I have never been cheated on in any meaningful relationship. Actually as far as I know it happend only once... the girl was 19 year old at the time and I have absolutely no hard feelings toward her. She was 19 yeard old and we were just dating like teenagers do at that age. I did a lot of stupid things at that age too. As a matter of fact I have seen her about a year ago and we had a very nice conversation at Starbucks. I was glead to hear that everything was going O.K. in her life. And finally... why do you think that my life is pathetic. I really would like to hear it... I am just curious. I am a sucessful painter with some international recognition and I always thought that I have something unique to offer. Think about this... if someone is willing to pay a price of new Honda Civic for my painting and we have to keep in mind that art has no practical value or application... would you not agree that there must be something in it. Am I really that pathetic or you are simply so bitter. I have never been in situation in which I had to identify my love one on the slab... I can imagine that I would be devastated by the experience. But, in a long run, I would never let myself become a hateful, pathetic, locked in his own narrow mind man like you have become. I love life and I love people despite the fact that they are not perfect. I would advice you to get some professional help... you are not doing too well. Then you have no viable perspective on this subject matter other than your own conjecture. Once you've btdt come back and tell me all about it. Until then, you might want to bow out of this one!
pelicanpreacher Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 You know, after reviewing some of the other posts, you might be better off staying put and "taking one for the team". Even if paternity tests prove that you aren't the father of any of the children it is very likely that the courts will still require you to pay child support on them if they're ages have reached the legal statute for cognition in your state. I feel for you...
Darth Vader Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 You know, after reviewing some of the other posts, you might be better off staying put and "taking one for the team". Even if paternity tests prove that you aren't the father of any of the children it is very likely that the courts will still require you to pay child support on them if they're ages have reached the legal statute for cognition in your state. I feel for you... Not necessarly, if you're not the father of the children, then you could,(depending upon the state in which you live in) sue your wife for fraud. Believe me, more and more men are doing just that! So by suing the wife for fraud, that would in theory, cancel out any child support, and who knows, you may even walk away with a decent check yourself, if you have a good lawyer!
pelicanpreacher Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Not necessarly, if you're not the father of the children, then you could,(depending upon the state in which you live in) sue your wife for fraud. Believe me, more and more men are doing just that! So by suing the wife for fraud, that would in theory, cancel out any child support, and who knows, you may even walk away with a decent check yourself, if you have a good lawyer! I don't know Vader. The only state with a law on the books that allow a man to reverse a child support order is Ohio. I was on a site linked by a poster on LS and I was amazed at how intractable the courts are once an order is in place. To quote Chris Rock, men tell the most lies while women tell the biggest...like "THAT'S YOUR BABY"!
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