blowfish Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I’m in my first serious relationship with an actress. She is a great actress and wishes to continue this as a career. Her current role is Juliet, in Romeo and Juliet. And I am very proud that she got that role. But as an actress in roles like this she has obligations to make out with people and act as if she’s being intimate with them. I personally have somewhat of a problem with that. I understand it’s just a play, and it’s only acting. But to me, making out is just as bad as having sex, weather it means something or not. I realize I might be over reacting but I just don’t like that she’s off kissing other guys. I know she loves me and I was pretty sure I felt the same. But I don’t even want to kiss her anymore. I watch TV. And I see a couple on TV. Making out, and I would kill my self if I had to be that girls boyfriend or husband and watch that kind of thing. A bigger man could probably get past it all. I want to continue to be supportive and all I’m just not sure I want to be her boyfriend when she‘s taking on roles like this. I don’t know if I should ask her to just be friends. Or find a way to get over her kissing and what ever else she has to do in those roles. And how could I do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I’m in my first serious relationship with an actress. She is a great actress and wishes to continue this as a career. Her current role is Juliet, in Romeo and Juliet. And I am very proud that she got that role. But as an actress in roles like this she has obligations to make out with people and act as if she’s being intimate with them. I personally have somewhat of a problem with that. I understand it’s just a play, and it’s only acting. But to me, making out is just as bad as having sex, weather it means something or not. I realize I might be over reacting but I just don’t like that she’s off kissing other guys. I know she loves me and I was pretty sure I felt the same. But I don’t even want to kiss her anymore. I watch TV. And I see a couple on TV. Making out, and I would kill my self if I had to be that girls boyfriend or husband and watch that kind of thing. A bigger man could probably get past it all. I want to continue to be supportive and all I’m just not sure I want to be her boyfriend when she‘s taking on roles like this. I don’t know if I should ask her to just be friends. Or find a way to get over her kissing and what ever else she has to do in those roles. And how could I do that? WOW.. is she playing in an 'amateur' theatre troup?... if not, then you're both definitely NOT on the same page.. you should dump her NOW because she will .. eventually... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I took some acting classes as part of my major in college, and my boyfriend at the time FORBID me to do the kiss in a scene for a class. Because I was young and stupid, I followed his order, but it was very awkward for me to explain it to my partner. If you can't get used to this, you're probably going to have to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blowfish Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 My girlfriend and I are on the same “intellectual” level. And success has nothing to do with this. I am well accomplished man. And I don’t fear that she will leave me for another. I just don’t like sharing her lips. How can I just “get use to it“? I’m not even sure if I want to get use to it. Link to post Share on other sites
wierdmunky Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 at least she's not doing monsters ball Link to post Share on other sites
Author blowfish Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 at least not yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I just don’t like sharing her lips. Hmmm. Well, I can see how this would be a problem for you, then. It reminds me of my HS gym teacher who told us all that whenever you have sex with someone it is like you are also having sex with everyone they ever had sex with. (That thought kept me chaste for a few extra years... ) I would also point out that you have probably shared her lips already with anyone that she's had any sort of previous relationship with. Or maybe it only bothers you that she's sharing her lip skin during your current relationship with her? I don't know. What do you think? Are you the sort of person who would get pretty worked up by thinking about her previous sexual relationships, or just if she is engaging in intimate activity at the same time you are having a relationship with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blowfish Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 We’ve had conversations about our previous sexual relationships, and I have no problem with the things before me. I just don’t like that she’s “engaging in intimate activity at the same time [i’m] having a relationship with her?" Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Ok. Gotcha. Have you discussed this in detail with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blowfish Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 In a way. She just brushes it off like it’s no big deal. And I understand she does that because there is no feeling behind her actions when she is acting. But she fails to see things from my perspective. I feel it’s wrong. As if my lips are all hers. But I have to share hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Well. I don't know what to tell you BF. I would guess that you feel conflicted because you want her to be happy - like pursuing this acting-thing she's interested in, right? But the collateral damage of her doing that ends up being your self-esteem, right? That's a tough one. I don't know how "deep" into your relationship you two are, but if it's really bothering you that much, and you want much of a future with this girl, then I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with her about it. Admit your fears and insecurities over this. See what she says in return. Otherwise your options are: 1) Say nothing, try to deal with it and either a) get over your current feelings or b) not get over your current feelings and 2) End it because this is a deal-breaker for you. Any way you slice those options, it's a 1 in 3 chance that it works out happily for you. So I think you have little to lose by talking about it frankly with her. Just my opinion. There are many wise folks here who might have more helpful advice for you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Why don't you try to see it that when she's kissing other guys as part of her JOB, she's not your girl anymore, she's JULIET. That's how she will be doing it for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
maynicholas Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Sorry I feel the need to say something. Get over it! I was an actress for years- professionally. I had to make out with some really icky guys and some hot ones. Of course the hot ones were usually gay- but that is the nature of the business... Don't make such a fuss honestly. -I do mean that in the nicest way possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blowfish Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 I would never ask her to abandon her dreams for me. And I don’t want to ask her to not kiss anyone when she’s acting. But I really don’t want to loose someone so amazing. And ruin a nearly perfect relationship over some stupid feeling I get when I think of her kissing another guy. I will most definitely have a heart to heart with her. But how can I get over these feelings? I mean individuals that are in a relationship with someone in the theater and movie business do it every day. Link to post Share on other sites
maynicholas Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I don't think you should have a heart to heart with her. If you start down that road I promise you two won't last long. Don't be insecure. Be confident enough in the relationship that the two of you have to know that it (kissing others) means nothing. Think of it like the girl getting jealous that her boyfriend is a gynecologist! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blowfish Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 I know your right. And it shouldn’t be a big deal. But every time think of her lips touching someone else’s, I’m brought back to those feelings. And I don’t even know how to explain these feelings. But they are very unpleasant. I guess I can try to just get over it. And if I can’t then we could just go our separate ways and make sure that next time I don’t fall for someone in the theater or movie business Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Did you miss my post...? It's a mindset. It's not YOUR girl kissing those guys. It's the character. She's not physically there at the time. She's not emoting with it. She's not thinking about the other guy's feelings like she would with you. She could be kissing a corpse for all it matters - she's doing what she needs to do. You need to step back and ASK her how she does it - what she's thinking and to help YOU to understand that because it's only your understanding of that which is going to help you move past it.... or dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blowfish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 Well, actually. . She IS physically there, and that’s what this whole thing is about. But I do like what you said about asking her how she does it and what she thinks about when she does. I think that and a lot of sex should do the trick Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Honestly, it might not be something you CAN deal with. I don't know that I'd be able to, either. To some people, this kind of thing is a very big deal. We all have different emotional reactions to this sort of thing, and yours is just as valid as anyone else's. You just have to decide if it's a deal-breaker for you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I’m just not sure I want to be her boyfriend when she‘s taking on roles like this. If you plan on staying her bf, then this is something you're going to have to deal with and accept because if she gets famous and her career takes off, she gets more rolls and some more kissing, possibly nude scenes or something, it'll kill you. Remember - She is getting paid to act. Part of the acting is getting into character and playing that character. She is "not" your girlfriend at that time while she's acting. (I hope you know what I mean by that) So I doubt she's thinking, OH yeah, I love kissing this guy...Hmmm yeah I'm going to pursue this. If she is a good actress, mature and all, then hopefully she's professional and knows that when they say "CUT" she's done and so is the kissing. If you make this into a big deal, it'll stay a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Mahatma Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Unless I am mistaken, she will have to proclaim her love to Romeo as well... would you consider that a problem? It's just acting. You need to place your trust in her and know it means nothing to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Pmb Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Do yourself a favor and let her do her job. Its not as if she'd respond to it romantically. It would be a very different experience for her kissing as a job than kissing you who she has feelings for. Think of what it'd be like if you were to kiss a friend of yours who is a girl but for which you have no feelings for. It'd be kid of awkward wouldn't it? Same for her. The more she did this the less you'd have to worry about it. It'd mean nothing to her. The more mature you get the more you'll come to realize this and the less you'll be thinking back to this and kicking your ass for worrying about it. People do this all the time for a living. It doesn't mean anything. Unless she has feelings for the guy. But if that's the case then you have a problem anyway. Pete Link to post Share on other sites
Author blowfish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 Well thank you all. Some of you couldn’t be more right. I had a long talk with her. And we’ve worked things out a little more. I mean I’m sure it will still bug me. . . . . a lot. But I just love her to God damn much to let it get to me. Again thank you all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts