angie2443 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I'm not the quickest typist, so I'll just give you the main events: Mid-June- Husband tells me "I'm not in love with you anymore." Mid-June- We start MC and he goes to IC. End of June- EA comes to light with 2,500 text messages in May alone sent to/ received by OW. EA seems to be mostly by text, started in late February. July- He tells me, "I'm angry right now that you discovered this. I know I have no right to be angry or ask you for anything. Give me some time to put this "friendship" back into its proper place. Please be patient with me." Throughout July- 5-10 text messages about every other day to OW. Tonight- H goes to baseball game in NY (I really DO know that is where he is tonight). I stay home caring for our 3 children (Ages 3, 2, 1). Six text messages to/from OW. This particular run of texts were started by her, not that it matters really. My son turns 1 tomorrow. We have a fun day and party planned. I just don't know how much more I can stand. How do you know when you've had enough? Listen to soda and carhill. They have some very good advice. Your situation has some simularities to the one I was in. My husband had what I called an EA (he still doesn't believe in this concept) with a friend of his he had known before me. In my case, the EA wasn't a symptom of a larger problem, but something that started before I met my husband (she was married when they met). I sensed that their relationship was secretive and that I was the odd man out when we were all together, but I failed to listen to my gut. I bought into the "just friends" line too easily. If I had respected my gut then, I would have quietly walked away. By the time I put things together, we had two kids and one on the way. When I finally respected my gut and stood up for myself, the EA ended. This didn't happen overnight. It was a battle but I had to stay strong. If I started bieng soft, my husband started walking all over it. This is why I say, don't put up with any lies, manipulation, or gas-lighting from your husband. When your gut tells you things, listen. Let your husband know each time this happens and don't let him brain wash you into thinking your just making things up in your head. Protect yourself. Make sure you can set asside money, just in case. Have a plan that will help you make it if your husband isn't around. Find out what your legal rights are if you do decide to divorce him. Take action. Don't let your husband be the one to decide what happens to you and your marriage. Good luck!
soda Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 This is normal.. at the IC, he's 'brainwashed' towards the commitment of his M... then as soon as he gets in touch with her... he forgets about the counselling.. quite typical actually... There isn't much you can do.. sorry.. you need to start looking for yourself and your kids... financially, etc... talk to a lawyer. Lizzie is right about why your husband comes out of IC seeming more committed. My W did the same thing...showed a renewed commitment to the M, and as soon as OM dolled out a bit of attention, we'd start the cycle all over again. LoyalGirl have you talked to your H yet? Have you sat down and explained the impact that his behavior is having on the ability of the marriage to continue? You can't hope to make any progress until your H understands that his behavior has consequences. You are trying to plead with someone in the fog of an addictive relationship. That doesn't work. I'm not trying to be mean here. I just want to you to succeed with whatever decision you decide to make. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that success for me means divorcing my W and starting over with someone who will treat me with the respect that I deserve.
Bh2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Sorry to hear what you are going through, I would say when you find out he is cheating and he doesn't want to change it is time to let him go. If he wants to change he may still be good for you but if he doesn't then he isn't. Don't suffer for life to avoid the rebuild. If he doesn't want to stop you can't make him nor can IC or MC. You have a kids and that alone should be reason to change. I feel your pain with the birthday party my wife cheated the Tuesday after our only sons first birthday. It's these little things that I struggle with and she wants to change. Good luck with your situation, and do what is best for you.
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