WigWam123 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Hi! New here... my wife cheated on me more than a year ago. She actually cheated on her ex husband with me, left him and that's how we hooked up. We ended up getting married and had 2 kids together (she has a child with her ex husband) So, we've been together a total of 7 years - 5 of which we were married. Well, she ended up cheating on me and immediately moved in with her new love interest. They've been together now more than a year. It tears me up inside still when I see him. I get sooo angry and jealous, my adrenaline pumps so hard I just feel like killing the guy. Se me and my ex are still very close friends. I still have love for her and it kills me that I still have a weakness for her. Here's more: about 6 months ago I became romantically involved with a good friend of mine I've known for 16 years. She's wonderful! Very beautiful, great with kids, great with me... problem is I fell for her really really hard really quick. And because of that, i think I might have made her my rebound. I feel so horrible about it!!!!!!!!!! Another thing is our relationship is long distance so that makes more conflicts with my feelings. I am so angry with myself that I can't get over my ex! I have this wonderful person I became involved with and I can't even let her in emotionally because of all the pain my ex put me through. It's not fair to my new gf! I just feel like I wanna run away where no one knows me. I feel awful. Because of this weakness for my ex - I have been backing off a little with my gf. I don't want to ruin the good friendship we have so I feel like if I continue this affair with her it will only complicate everything. I feel so bad though because she says she loves me, and I do love her but my love I feel is not as deep as the love I had with my ex. My gf has visited me 2x already since April and even brought her daughter along on the 2nd trip. She coming back again in 15 days!!! I am excited to see her don't get me wrong. I'm just afraid to let "go" because I don't want to get hurt again. But it's not fair to her. I just don't know what to do. I want so badly to get over my ex and move on but how? I get so pissed when I see her bf!!! Especially when he's with my kids! MY kids!!!! Like they're a family and all. the guy is dumb as rocks! I would take my famil y back if I could. But my gf... she is such a wonderful woman more than I ever expected her to be. Why can't I just move on and be happy with her. I don't want her to be my rebound!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want her to be the one..... she's such a good kind hearted person........ I just feel so bad that I can't get over my cheating ex!!!!!! I'm like obsessed with my cheating ex but I want SOOOOO desperately to get over her!!!!!! HOW?????????? I'm never gonna be happy because of her!!!!!!!!! I feel she has ruined my heart for anyone in the future. I have such a weakness for her that if she told me to lick the ground that has crap on it I would! I feel like with my weakness, I would end up cheating on my gf. I feel that if my ex ever wanted to get back with me I would in a heartbeat. What are the odds of her cheating again? Fairly good! Has anyone ever been through this before? What was the outcome? I am mental and it pisses me off! I want to get over my goddamn ex!!!! how please help!!!!!! My friend is so special and I feel like I am sabbotaging our friendship because of my obbsession with my ex, please give me advice! thanks!
justaman99 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I feel that if my ex ever wanted to get back with me I would in a heartbeat. What are the odds of her cheating again? Fairly good! Has anyone ever been through this before? What was the outcome? I am mental and it pisses me off! I want to get over my goddamn ex!!!! how please help!!!!!! My friend is so special and I feel like I am sabbotaging our friendship because of my obbsession with my ex, please give me advice! thanks! Umm dude. She cheated on her ex when she got together with you and now she cheated on you. Sorry but you kinda had it coming and the odds of her doing it again are really good. She can never be happy with one guy. She needs that constant high of a new man. I think the other reason you're so angry is your ego. Maybe you're pissed because you think you're better than this guy and your ego is burned because she chooses him over you, not because you want to get back together with her. You have to sort out your feelings. Don't f up this other girl because of your anger. You have a want what you can't have complex going on here more than anything I think and I would bet that all you really want to do is prove to yourself you can get her back and win, not because you really want her back.
nopainnogain Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Relationships that start like that are doomed to fail
miss_28 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 my last boyfriend did to me exactly what you are planning to do with your current girlfriend... he never got over his ex cheating on him, and because of it, he couldn't completely let go and be 100% happy with me although he really wanted to. At first, he was so into me, it was scary. But we developed a fantastic relationship (i thought) - we were close friends in addition to lovers... it was really good. I also know i respected him and would never betray him... i gave him no cause to have trust issues. His friends, however, kept feeding him stories about how the ex was f#%*ing around with married men, with co-workers, etc. She's been around in the year they've broken up, although they were together for 4 years. She did come crawling back once, but he sent her walking like the skank she was. He lost all respect for her. And after hearing about her latest conquest, he became obsessed with the past and remembered the pain she caused him. He knew i was great, that his ex couldn't hold a candle to me in any way, but because she damaged his ego so bad, and he kept comparing his feelings for her to his feelings for me, he dumped me. He gave me a whole other additional excuses, but the real reason is that... and i could tell at that point that all this time he was trying to feel for me what he thinks he felt for his ex. I have to laugh, because the truth is, his hurt from her betrayals is probably deeper than his love for her ever was... they never even got along, she used to walk all over him. It's his ego that just refuses to heal. Basically, he messed up something great, broke my heart, and although we were great friends, i have no intention of ever asking him back in my life. i can't accept that he took the risk of losing me like that. not yet anyway. he'll unfortunately have to move mountains to try and even get near me again. He picked his hurt over her over his feelings for me. He failed to communicate his insecurities with me. I can't accept that, i deserve better. And so does this girl you are with. So, either you get over this ex-loser of yours (because really, at this point your ego is playing games with you; she is a stinking cheater and so not worth it) and move on with this new girl, or you break this girl's heart and be prepared to lose her forever and move on from there. And in this case, don't blame anyone else for the decisions you end up making, because ultimately, they are your decisions, so own them - minus any lame excuses.
Author WigWam123 Posted August 1, 2008 Author Posted August 1, 2008 I can understand that. I guess I'm just so upset at my ex! It's not my current gf's fault but that of another woman the reason why I can't let my gf get close to me. I HATE my ex for that!!
D-Lish Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 It's a horrible dilemma, loving someone like that and being stuck in a damaged state. Have you considered some therapy? It's a wonderful place to vent and gain a different perspective. I think it's also important that you talk to your new gf about what is going on. She needs to be included in what you are experiencing- especially because it concerns her. Just go back and read your own words.... you have your ex that cheated and walked all over you...and then you have this great woman whom you know would be good to you and good for you. It doesn't even seem as if there is a choice here. Your ex has moved on and is with someone else.... And now you have this great woman standing in front of you and you are thinking of breaking up with her because this other horrible woman treated you like crap and left you for someone else. I know you can't snap your fingers and get over this heartache- but you can take some steps in the right direction. I think one of those steps should be therapy, and the other would be to open the lines of communication with your new girl about your angst.
sunshinegirl Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 my last boyfriend did to me exactly what you are planning to do with your current girlfriend... he never got over his ex cheating on him, and because of it, he couldn't completely let go and be 100% happy with me although he really wanted to. At first, he was so into me, it was scary. But we developed a fantastic relationship (i thought) - we were close friends in addition to lovers... it was really good. I also know i respected him and would never betray him... i gave him no cause to have trust issues. Me too. My ex's ex-wife cheated on him and left him for someone else. He claimed he was over it but flipped out when she told him she was marrying him two months after their divorce became final. He turned around and dumped me by cheating on me with someone else. It's a horrible, horrible position you've put your current girlfriend in. Unless you get into individual therapy, PRONTO, and sort your stuff out, your relationship has pretty much zero chance of making it.
kyta Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I can understand that. I guess I'm just so upset at my ex! It's not my current gf's fault but that of another woman the reason why I can't let my gf get close to me. I HATE my ex for that!! Have you thought you may not be ready for any relationship yet? you slept with a woman who had someone else, now she slept with someone else behind your back, (karma id say, same just happend to the guy my x cheated on me with lol) you have to look at your values first, if some one is with some one then they are out of bounds no matter what, but you didnt care, i think this new girl deserves better than you, you cant even make up you own mind. The reason isnt another women making you not get close to your new gf, its you, you have issues, you hold on to a cheating woman over a nice woman, get a grip man, if you make the wrong choice this time i hope its your last chance of happiness and karma gets you bad, your x's time will come trust. Everything for a reason, you have been sent this wonderful woman, even if you may not deserve her or she desreves better on your past standards, but shes there, be a man for once and live by some morals and standards and a back bone, your x doesnt have any, move forward and let go of the past.
stillafool Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I know you have love and respect for your current gf but you have to let her go until you resolve this thing with your ex. You probably love the person your gf is but don't have the same "chemistry" as you had with your ex. If you felt the same passion for your current gf as your ex you would be in heaven. It sucks doesn't it. If you let go and seek therapy you will find that person and have that passion you felt with your ex again. You have to heal first. Your current gf may be wonderful but the heart wants what the heart wants. Let her go and don't waste her life.
miss_28 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I know you have love and respect for your current gf but you have to let her go until you resolve this thing with your ex. You probably love the person your gf is but don't have the same "chemistry" as you had with your ex. If you felt the same passion for your current gf as your ex you would be in heaven. It sucks doesn't it. If you let go and seek therapy you will find that person and have that passion you felt with your ex again. You have to heal first. Your current gf may be wonderful but the heart wants what the heart wants. Let her go and don't waste her life. I agree will you... however in this case, it think it should read "the ego wants what the ego wants"... when the ego gets in the way, everything goes to crap.
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