strongertoday Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 To cut a long story short.... Met him online as friends 2 years ago....closer friends in November, Romantic at Christmas. He came to visit me in March, I went to visit him start of July. Plans are for him to move here somewhere in 4 weeks to 4 months. This is the man I want to be with. Its up to him to decide when and he just isn't. He quit his job thinking he could temp work for more money or come here now, but 3 weeks on he still hasn't decided. I realise leaving your country is scarey and he has had totally horrible past relationships so he worries about us working. I have fallen apart since I left him, cant sleep cant eat. I miss him so much it hurts physically. I like to talk to him every day and 99% of the time he is cool with that but when I dont hear from him for a day or so since I got back, I dont sleep and loose the plot. Yesterday I had a bad day...just wanted him. He wasnt there so by the end of his day I was a texting nightmare, pushing him away and going nuts. He wasnt very well and basically said lets not fight, talk tomorrow "if there is anything left to say". I know I am stuffing it up......How can I show him I am a mess cause I love him so much...not Im a mess cause I am a mental case !! How can I give him his space and not live in heart wrenching fear he will not come?? How can I re-assure him that even if it doesnt work we are still worth trying?? Thanks
Keridan Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Try showing him this post? Does he know how you feel? Just lay it out. Tell him that you want to give him the space he needs and you don't want to drive him away, but you are nutz over him. In order to give him what he needs, tell him what to say when he wants space without driving you away. "Hon, I just need to relax for a bit. Please don't take it personally" He'd prolly be flattered and you could always set decent boundaries.
HisLove Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I think you need to get a hold of yourself and not have your whole world fall in a screaming heap just because you haven't spoken to him in 24 hours. No person, male or female, should have that much control over your life. I stress about things too if I don't hear from him, but rather than chase I do the opposite and get all huffy and refuse to make contact first lol. How you are reacting is normal for women....we usually tend to pursue until we get things sorted. But your guy sounds like he's in his cave and the more you chase him, the longer it will take him to come out. He said he's sick - he's a man and it's probably all-consuming right now how sick he is. I would also be wary of accepting him under ANY terms, you'll put up with anything as long as he's with you. No, he needs to have a job or work lined up and not be a drain on you. Perhaps this is what is bothering him, he's worried about not being able to pull his weight financially? If it was me, I'd say sorry I lost the plot, let me know when you're feeling better, I love you. And leave it at that. Stressing yourself out with heart wrenching fear isn't going to change the outcome, it's just going to make you ill!!! Breathe. Pull yourself together. Vent here. You have a full and busy life and can handle this bump in the road.
dina75 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 This is almost exactly the same as what I am going through. The timeline is the same, the way we met is the same, moving is the same (only it is me to his country), the man cave is the same...and my histeria is the same. You need to step back and breath and this seems to be the hardest part. I am in the position as of Aug to move to be with my partner --give up everything-and I am ready. Now, for the past mos or so, he has been pulling away but won't break up with me and it is tearing me apart. He said he doesn't feel the same way anymore--it took too long for me to get there. I said we would discuss it when I got there--I will go for our planned vacation (in less than 2 weeks) and then take it from there. My thoughts were that it is hard enough to communicate in a LDR and then trying to solve a problem LD is even harder--so let's just be together and figure it out. My partner has really been putting me through my paces as well (not yours -just mine), going a couple of days with no contact but he is home and online. It has been killing me and the more I pushed the more he pulled away. But since Monday--I have started putting the energy into me and taking care of me and not running after him--then all of a sudden last night -there he was and being all chatty. It isn't resolved but the time is giving him time to think and it is also giving me time to think. And, based on his behaviour, I am not so sure I am willing to sacrifice everything for him. In the end, I know the outcome-whatever it may be, will be a sound one. I am not saying this is your situation, just something to think about. Keep us posted and I hope all the best for you!
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