Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Men are inconsistent. Women are inconsistent. Women are bitchy when you pressure them for an answer. Men are bitchy when you pressure them for an answer. This is the simple truth, the average person doesn't just snap. And with my strong feeling and knowledge with these instance, I hear these complaints and know there were more than just the man snapping because the woman asked him a question. And I am sure most of us here are smart enough to see the other side of the situation without having him here. DNR
Ariadne Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Hey D-Lish, Maybe the guy is starting to fall in love and freaked out. That's why he is acting like a jerk, because he might be pissed he is getting involved and maybe he doesn't want to. Since he told you I love you when he had a few drinks, and right then he backed away... But yeah, telling you "shut the f up" is pretty dumb, not sure I'd want to deal with that stuff either.
OpenBook Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Hey D-Lish, Maybe the guy is starting to fall in love and freaked out. That's why he is acting like a jerk, because he might be pissed he is getting involved and maybe he doesn't want to. Since he told you I love you when he had a few drinks, and right then he backed away... But yeah, telling you "shut the f up" is pretty dumb, not sure I'd want to deal with that stuff either. I completely agree with Ariadne. He freaked, and then he ran off. And then he yelled at you. (WTF was THAT anyway?!?) He's scared of something, that's for sure. Sounds like he needs a babysitter. Are you willing to play that role for him? I think your best bet is to be indifferent toward him. Just sit back, relax, and let him show his true colors. If you have any inclination to speak to him again, that is... (I wouldn't waste any more of my precious time on him... but that's just me!!)
Lovely Disaster Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I don't agree that he was falling in love. I agree that he knew that he had this woman who willingly agreed to a casual, FWB relationship, and found an easy way out. That is why I think D-Lish needs to stop selling herself short and settling for this stuff. If she was really OK with this casual type of "relationship" and is "cool and chill" about it, she wouldn't have asked him why he didn't call her over the weekend in the first place. As it was, she felt like she was owed an explanation when...not really.....casual FWB "relationships" imply no strings, no obligations. I think D-Lish has low self-esteem and feels that she isn't worthy of a man really being in love with her and wanting her for more than a "casual" "chill" relationship. I think that therapy would greatly help her realize her worth and bring up her self esteem.
shadowplay Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Be careful!!!! That is a generalization that is somewhat contradicting. You're right. I was in a bitter mood, but I shouldn't have generalized because I get really annoyed when men generalize about women. I'll say there are a lot of inconsistent people out there and leave it at that.
shadowplay Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I don't agree that he was falling in love. I agree that he knew that he had this woman who willingly agreed to a casual, FWB relationship, and found an easy way out. That is why I think D-Lish needs to stop selling herself short and settling for this stuff. If she was really OK with this casual type of "relationship" and is "cool and chill" about it, she wouldn't have asked him why he didn't call her over the weekend in the first place. As it was, she felt like she was owed an explanation when...not really.....casual FWB "relationships" imply no strings, no obligations. I think D-Lish has low self-esteem and feels that she isn't worthy of a man really being in love with her and wanting her for more than a "casual" "chill" relationship. I think that therapy would greatly help her realize her worth and bring up her self esteem. I also think it may have to do with how D-Lish presents herself. This is a touchy subject, but I'm not trying to insult her in any way. I like you, D-Lish. You're an intelligent, beautiful woman who sells herself short in a lot of ways. I get a certain visual image reading your posts that may be totally off. It's that you dress and present yourself in a flirtatious, teenager-like way that really doesn't do justice to your intelligence, level of maturity and class. I seem to remember you saying in another post that you dress and sometimes act like a teenager. Being youthful is great in some respects, but you don't want to overdo it with other people because it sends them the wrong message. People are really superficial and will paint an impression of you based on surface cues. Feel free to correct me at any point if my assumptions are totally false. I suspect you may also pick up the wrong kind of men, in the wrong places. You seem to go for really young guys who are sexy but not especially intelligent or kind. I think you'd have more success if you tweaked your presentation a little and were pickier in your man selection. Take it or leave it. Good luck.
rproctor Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 May I interject? You say you are in a casual relationship with this guy, but its not. The guy not only was trying to spend more time with you, but also told you he loved you! Thats not casual. Then, he disappeared for a mere couple of days, and you were questioning what happened to him, and why he has not contacted you... Thats not casual either. One thing, that I think it could be, is that he felt like a fool for falling for you. When he told you he loved you, what did you say other than hug him? How were things the rest of the time after that? Were they awkward? He might have flown off the handle because he felt like a grade A fool for trying to make a relationship work with you, spend all that time and money on you on going out, setting up all your events together, etc... He probably feels cheated, or used, or upset that you are not his girl, because he has done everything he can come up with yet to no avail. Even the most calm, cool, casual guys will turn irrational when they feel cheated of love. Friends with benefits does not work well, especially for reasons like this. You said that you both knew you could not be a real couple, why? Because of you, or him? You might have been saying "hey this is just casual, for fun, no strings", and he is saying "yea, no strings just fun", but really he is thinking "I will take whatever she gives me, and turn it into more because if she gives me an inch I can turn it into a mile". But, then after a month or however long of him attempting to turn it into more, and then spilling the big L word, and still no relationship he might just feel cheated, like why am I not good enough to be loved? Then, on top of that, he might have felt super confused when you texted him sounding concerned, like a gf would do, and his head spun out of control and he lost it with you. Maybe intentionally so that he can get himself out of this emotional mess he had made for himself. But hey, who knows, that COULD be whats going on... I know how guys think, and I could almost best he felt cheated.
CaliGuy Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Where do you keep finding these weirdos, D??? Sheesh.
Art_Critic Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I've said this before to D-lish.. I think she needs to take some time off dating and get reacquainted with her self.. There seems to be a string of guys lining up to be D-lish's new BF but I don't think with all the stuff she has got going on that she should be spending any of the valuable time she has right now on junky guys that really don't have her best interests in mind.
gfto Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I am definetely dumping him as a result of this. Doesn't sound like he's yours to dump. He got out first. That's what's really bothering you.
Author D-Lish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 I never know what to believe! D-Lish- Aren't you going a little crazy wondering if he has called or texted you? He did text a "what's up" this morning... and I ignored it. I have had my phone off all day. It really was just about some casual fun. I do think he is banging another girl- He just should have said so instead of being a huge idiot. I will never talk to him again- no one speaks to me like that and is allowed back in my life!
Author D-Lish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Doesn't sound like he's yours to dump. He got out first. That's what's really bothering you. No, he text this morning "what's up" like nothing transpired. And I just turned on my phone to get two more texts saying "?" He's a mess. Lashes out like that and then wants to pretend nothing happened. Doesn't matter. I have no idea what this dude is thinking. He'll never hear from me again.
Author D-Lish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 You say you are in a casual relationship with this guy, but its not. The guy not only was trying to spend more time with you, but also told you he loved you! Thats not casual. Then, he disappeared for a mere couple of days, and you were questioning what happened to him, and why he has not contacted you... Thats not casual either. Yes, you're quite correct. It ceases to be casual when one person says they love the other. And I am sure that when I questioned why he didn't call me all weekend that it made him angry. I thought about that today. Art- I know I need to take time off from dating. I actually just got an appointment with an addiction counsellor.... so I am beginning to address some of my needs. I keep dating undesirables to hide from getting hurt... I do it on purpose. I need to take time off from dating anyone.
Art_Critic Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Art- I know I need to take time off from dating. I actually just got an appointment with an addiction counsellor.... so I am beginning to address some of my needs. I keep dating undesirables to hide from getting hurt... I do it on purpose. I need to take time off from dating anyone. .. you are a smart chick D-lish.. half the battle is understanding that a problem even exists...
Author D-Lish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 I also think it may have to do with how D-Lish presents herself. This is a touchy subject, but I'm not trying to insult her in any way. I like you, D-Lish. You're an intelligent, beautiful woman who sells herself short in a lot of ways. I get a certain visual image reading your posts that may be totally off. It's that you dress and present yourself in a flirtatious, teenager-like way that really doesn't do justice to your intelligence, level of maturity and class. I seem to remember you saying in another post that you dress and sometimes act like a teenager. Being youthful is great in some respects, but you don't want to overdo it with other people because it sends them the wrong message. People are really superficial and will paint an impression of you based on surface cues. Feel free to correct me at any point if my assumptions are totally false. I suspect you may also pick up the wrong kind of men, in the wrong places. You seem to go for really young guys who are sexy but not especially intelligent or kind. I think you'd have more success if you tweaked your presentation a little and were pickier in your man selection. Take it or leave it. Good luck. No- you made some good points. I don't dress like a teenager- I was in fashion for a long time- so I dress trendy, but age appropriately and tasteful... never slutty or anything. My standard outfit is usually a wife beater and jeans. Sometimes I will wear something a little outrageous - but I am big on appearing classy with my outfits. I haven't cared lately about substance with the people I date. That way I don't set myself up for disappointment. I've been doing it on purpose. That's why Art makes a good point that I should just take a break from dating to sort myself out. Most of the guys I meet are from online dating- the odd one in a pub. When I am in serious mode, and feeling good about where I am at- I choose more fitting partners. I just haven't been feeling good about myself this past year- so I have gravitated toward losers. I'm pretty articulate, so I don't play up the dumb blonde thing... that's not me. But I am the jokester of my friend group- which can often tranlate into being flirtatious. I mask everything with humour. This last year has been such a nightmare that I don't feel anywhere close to the self I once was. I think I am going to take down my dating profile and just relax for a while. You did make some valid points, many of which I don't dispute. Insightful you are Shadow...
Kamille Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I think I am going to take down my dating profile and just relax for a while. I'm moving to Toronto soon. We'll relax together! I don't feel like worrying about boys ever again.
shadowplay Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I'm moving to Toronto soon. We'll relax together! I don't feel like worrying about boys ever again. Ditto that! But how do you ignore the cute ones? (sigh)
Kamille Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Ditto that! But how do you ignore the cute ones? (sigh) You just don't let them get you down. If they do, you move on.
Author D-Lish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 It's like you feel validated by a "what's up" text from him. This isn't an "I think you are great, I'm sorry for acting like I did, I really care about you and what you in my life, please let's get together and talk about our relationship and where this is going because I really care about you and don't want to lose you" phone call. He doesn't even have the desire to talk to you and hear your voice. No, I feel no sense of validation- only anger. I think it's already been clearly proven that he sees little value in me. If he had have- he wouldn't have treated me with that amount of disrespect. But even feeling as low as I do, I have enough respect for myself to ignore him and not answer.
Author D-Lish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 I'm moving to Toronto soon. We'll relax together! I don't feel like worrying about boys ever again. I hear ya Kam... I am totally taking a break from boys! I'm so not in a position to be dating right now!! And I'm sick of dating for the sake of distraction. When you in Toronto- September??
Kamille Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Mid September it is. For the whole winter. We absolutely have to meet up.
Author D-Lish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Mid September it is. For the whole winter. We absolutely have to meet up. For sure! I have met a couple people from LS before... It's fun to put a face to the avatar!
CaliGuy Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Maybe I need to move to Canada. Seems that's where all the hotness ladies are
Author D-Lish Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Maybe I need to move to Canada. Seems that's where all the hotness ladies are Please, come! Kam and I would gladly show you around!
Star Gazer Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Maybe I need to move to Canada. Seems that's where all the hotness ladies are Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.
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