loveratud Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 I know there are quiet a few threads in here about women baffled by their uninterested husbands, so I figured I'd throw in my experience from the man's side of things. My so and I are 23 years old, both trim, athletic and in good shape, fairly attractive people I'd say. Recently (in the past 2 months or so) I seem to have lost a good deal of my sex drive. I work and go to class for about 14 hours a day during the week, and have weekends free. I really only feel interested in sex during the weekends, but even then, it's not how things used to be. She hasn't changed at all though. I don't have any wondering eyes, I don't even think about sex with other women now (which is a strange thing, the guys know.) I just seem to be afloat in a sea of indifference. I work out about an hour a day (usually with a 5 mile run and some push ups & crunches, Army strong.) Between 10am and 3pm are my most awake hours where I tend to think about her and sex the most, but surprise, I'm at worse and she's not around. This is crushing her though. Before I was with her, and not even 6 months ago in our relationship, we were both fiercely sexual. Being intimate 3 times a day was about average. Now she feels like I don't think she's attractive anymore, or that I'm interested in someone else or something. I find this very frustrating because I do still feel that she's attractive, but very rarely feel the desire to have sex. And I've read the tips about having sex whenever you're "open" to it, not just when you feel the desire, but most days I'm pretty tired by the time I get home, and I just don't consider it possible. Then on the weekends when I have the time and energy it seems impossible to make up for the week gone by. Fresh in my mind was the scene last night. I was actually home pretty early at around 5, and set about mounting the 62" LCD on the wall like she wanted. She was out with her friends after work. It only took about 30 minutes to mark the wall, drill and mount the TV, so then I made dinner for us (seared lemon butter sea scallops on a rice pilaf, hanger steaks, and basil new potatoes.) But she called to say that she wouldn't be home until 11 or 11:30pm, and asked if I would wait up for her. That's usually well beyond my 10pm bedtime, but I agreed, ate dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, got ready for bed, then settled down and watched some TV for a couple hours until she got home. I greeted her with lots of kisses and had dinner heated back up for her, and she ate and we talked about our day, she liked the TV but thought it was about 6 inches too high on the wall, so I'll need to remount it (no big deal.) Then she headed off to the shower but asked that I stay up. So I watched TV for another 30 minutes, by now it's almost 12:30. She comes out of the shower naked, dances over in front of me on the couch and sits on my lap, throws her towel around my neck, all very sexy. So we made out for a bit, but I was quite tired, having been up for 18 hours or so by that point, so I wasn't really interested and it (ahem) showed. She got upset, I felt like I was letting her down, we were sad and we went to bed. HALP!
Rorocher Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 I think you should have maybe mentioned how tired you were when you spoke to her before she got home. She might not have tried to initiate sex or would have been more understanding when you didn't feel like it. Discuss your daily schedule and make her understand how long your days her. If she is not aware how tired you are, ofcourse, she's going to take it personally. If your daily routine has just recently changed, then she'll have to understand and adjust her expectations accordingly. And maybe you can also placate her by finding a way, if at all possible, to work less. If that's not possible, then try to have sex even when you're tired, assuming your little guy cooperates. You have to meet each other in the middle and compromise. We all act like sex is such a chore, but come on, this thing lasts for what, 45 minutes at the most, foreplay and all. Not even that much sometimes. 45 minutes of 24 hours to do something for your beloved is not really too much to ask. It's not like you're not going to enjoy it once you get going. It's sad to say but sometimes you do have to consciously "force" yourself to do it. I'm not saying every day of the week, but maybe once or twice even when you don't feel like it. And she also has to be willing to let you slide on some days. This is what a relationship is, communicate and compromise.
torranceshipman Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 omg you sound like such a cutie! You do lovely stuff for her. If she is doing sexy towel dances outta the shower it sounds like she's crazy about you! Just tell her exactly what you told us and I am sure she'll feel better...sounds like you two need to just try to reorganise your schedules a little bit to try to get more early time together.
luna3 Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 you go to school, work, exercise for one hour every day. these are all very admirable and things that will improve you and your life, together and separately, in the long run. but, c'mon! must the exercise always take the place of an hour of quality time with your lover? methinks you need to find time to squeeze it in, because this issue will not go away and over time will take a toll on the relationship. it may even extract a great price--the love and trust of your spouse! her self-esteem is possibly going to be ripped to shreds by this if she is sufficiently invested in the relationship. and if she's not? she may just walk away, or find someone who isn't too busy to be attracted to her. you do many nice things for her, as in the cooking and household chores. i say, leave the dishes and go for dessert. hopefully she appreciates all of these great things, but it isn't a substitute for bonding with you. especially when you say that sex used to be such a feature of your life together. and if you haven't already had a conversation about your time constraints, i suggest that you do. it seems strange to me that she would go out with her friends while you were at home cooking and "cleaning" when she claims she wants to spend time with you. perhaps you're both too busy! oh, and go to the doctor. just because you're young and fit doesn't mean you are immune to having things go wrong with your body.
Author loveratud Posted July 29, 2008 Author Posted July 29, 2008 I've been considering going to the doctor, thinking that maybe I'm low on testosterone or something. But I wouldn't think that would be a problem since I work out vigorously and regularly. But the fact that I no longer notice attractive women out in the world and think "damn!" is of some concern to me. Like I've lost my sexuality. I have discussed my schedule with her, and she's pretty understanding, but that doesn't stop her from laying a guilt trip on me when I have to turn her down. I realize that it's most guys dream to have a young, attractive girl always wanting sex, and I used to absolutely love it, but now I feel like I'm just disappointing and demoralizing her.
Staring Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Men who perform high ammounts of endurance training lose almost 60percent of their testosterone try higher intensity workouts
Author loveratud Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 Men who perform high ammounts of endurance training lose almost 60percent of their testosterone try higher intensity workouts Not really an option. I'm off to the Army Officer Candidate School soon. Soldiers run fast and run long.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I work and go to class for about 14 hours a day during the week, and have weekends free. Fresh in my mind was the scene last night. I was actually home pretty early at around 5, and set about mounting the 62" LCD on the wall like she wanted. She was out with her friends after work. It only took about 30 minutes to mark the wall, drill and mount the TV, so then I made dinner for us (seared lemon butter sea scallops on a rice pilaf, hanger steaks, and basil new potatoes.) But she called to say that she wouldn't be home until 11 or 11:30pm, and asked if I would wait up for her. That's usually well beyond my 10pm bedtime, but I agreed, ate dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, got ready for bed, then settled down and watched some TV for a couple hours until she got home. I greeted her with lots of kisses and had dinner heated back up for her, and she ate and we talked about our day, she liked the TV but thought it was about 6 inches too high on the wall, so I'll need to remount it (no big deal.) Then she headed off to the shower but asked that I stay up. So I watched TV for another 30 minutes, by now it's almost 12:30. She comes out of the shower naked, dances over in front of me on the couch and sits on my lap, throws her towel around my neck, all very sexy. So we made out for a bit, but I was quite tired, having been up for 18 hours or so by that point, so I wasn't really interested and it (ahem) showed. She got upset, I felt like I was letting her down, we were sad and we went to bed. HALP! I got tired just reading your schedule . Your issue is communication, not energy level. No one's "chi" is strong after an 18-hour day so you'll both need to be up front about expectations. Better scheduling will give you better (ahem) results... Mr. Lucky
Staring Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Maybe your shedule is so full because your trying to make up for somthing and thinking about it consciously or not hurts your ability to think of her??
Author loveratud Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 Maybe your shedule is so full because your trying to make up for somthing and thinking about it consciously or not hurts your ability to think of her?? What?
Desperado620 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 You sound like you're having the male version of the same problem I'm having with my hubby, except that we don't have the demanding schedule y'all have. I would say to make sure your girl knows it's not that you've lost interest in her, but that you're tired. When you do have the energy to do the deed, put all your energy into it and do your best to make it (and her) feel special. Maybe do something in the meantime to make her feel special. If my husband would just do that, our problems would be solved. If you can change your schedule once in a while to make room for love, do it! If not, and the problem continues, yes, go see a doc! Good luck!
Author loveratud Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 You sound like you're having the male version of the same problem I'm having with my hubby, except that we don't have the demanding schedule y'all have. I would say to make sure your girl knows it's not that you've lost interest in her, but that you're tired. When you do have the energy to do the deed, put all your energy into it and do your best to make it (and her) feel special. Maybe do something in the meantime to make her feel special. If my husband would just do that, our problems would be solved. If you can change your schedule once in a while to make room for love, do it! If not, and the problem continues, yes, go see a doc! Good luck! Taking her to Puerto Vallarta for a week next week. That'll be a nice break from everything and I hope to have plenty of time for lovin'. I think I do lots of nice things to make her feel special every day. But there's things I can do when I'm tired, and things I can't do when I'm tired, and it's pretty much that simple. I hate it though.
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