teejsd2008 Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 My Story (Cliff Notes Version) - Dated 1 year - She ended it in Jan (Reason: fights, arguments, me not doing the little things similar to the movie the breakup) - I tried to go back twice and was denied - Started NC in Feb - She broke NC in May (4 months) - She said she missed me and wanted to catch up/meetup before she moves across the country - It was bait, what I didn't know is that she had access to my email and has read all the bitterness, pissing, and moaning I have said to my friends about her durring the NC period (I said some harsh things) - So her attempt to contact me was to set me up for hurt, and revenge. She told me about a fake engagement to rub in my face, cursed me out, and said the worst things you can say to an ex - I was hurt and angry for the past 3 months and started NC again and have blocked her from contacting me - I saw a counselor, went to church, worked out, read, journaled, talked to friends and family, and I'm bouncing back. - I do feel bad for how it ended, and would like to aplogize to let go of the bitterness, and because I want both of us to have peace of mind. This is the aplogy, I want to send: (How does it sound?) I'm sorry I said those mean things about you to my friends. I don’t have an excuse, it was hurtful and inconsiderate. I was really hurt from the initial breakup and being turned down twice after the fact that made me feel empty, bitter, and I couldn’t think straight. I felt alone, unwanted, and rejected that it was tearing me apart. I said anything that would give me some relief from self-blame/hate, and to stop feeling sorry for myself. Unfortunately I did it in a selfish way by making you and the relationship look bad when I should have respected the two. I never meant for you to see those things, they were my private thoughts and conversations and my way of venting the hurt outwards as anger instead of bottling it inside as depression. I really missed you all those months and cared about you, but I would find myself so empty and alone that I wanted to yell, cry, hate, psychoanalyze, mock, compare, belittle you to breakaway from the thoughts that were keeping me down, until I could learn to face them and accept what’s happened. I know my words were hurtful because I felt their pain as soon as I learned you read them. I felt so horrible and embarrassed, and emptier than before. All I thought about was how hurt and disappointed you must have felt. While we were broken up, I hoped that we could start speaking again, but not like how it unfolded in May. I didn't mean those things; some were based on problems we had, but a lot of it was the hurt and ugliness I felt inside. I wanted to protect you from it, so I blocked you from everything, myspace, phone, facebook, etc… and kept no contact for months. I didn’t’ want to risk hurting or losing you while I was pissing and moaning by saying something regrettable to you out of bitterness. I'm also sorry for losing my temper and saying those bad things to you when we last communicated on AIM. I used what I knew about your past to try and hurt you when I lost my temper. I shouldn't have snapped. When I learned about your past, I told myself I would always protect you from those things, but instead I threw it back to you, and I apologize. They were just stupid, selfish, and inconsiderate words from a bitter and lonely guy, and what I truly felt and thought about you was far from those things. I'm very sorry _____. I should have respected you and handled the breakup better. I’m thankful for the time we spent together and will have a special place for you in my heart. I know you’re moving onto new and exciting things, and I'm proud and jealous of you at the same time. Take good care of yourself, and you'll be in my thoughts. I forgive you for the hurt you caused me both intentionally and unintentionally and I don’t want to look back in anger anymore. Thanks for reading all this, take care, and I’ll miss you. I just made this account for the purpose of sending this email, so if you reply it will bounce back. I think both of us need some space.
nopainnogain Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 I think you should leave her be,she already showed you she likes to play games. So dont play her game. Forgive her bin your heart . She doesnt need to know. Thats messed up her throwing stuff in your face about the stuff she read. 1st she shouldnt have read it ,second she should realize you were pissed off and probably you didnt mean the things you said at the time.
Nevermind Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 I always thought that for those kind of things, a letter works better than an e-mail. I'd leave the last line out, though. She has said and done bad things to you, too. And maybe she would apologize as well. Give her the chance to do so.
justaman99 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 She hacked into your email and set you up so she could belittle you and now you want to apologize? Take this as a lesson learned and forget about it. -Just
Author teejsd2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 I don't know... I've done something similar with another ex (apologizing), and I was just honest with her, and we both had closure. maybe I should wait, and see what happens, maybe I'm forcing it. with the previous ex i contacted we still don't talk, but it's because we're content with how we are, not because we hate or want to avoid each other, and I think it was the apology and forgiveness that did it.
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