ooopnut4 Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 I am 2 weeks into NC after being dumped after 3 years, just found out thought that she was cheating on me for a month before we broke up.( with the guy she is currently with) And a friend of hers said the guy is fat and ugly and they dont know what the hell shes doing. Do i break no contact and confront her about this? Or am i just setting myself up again for more anger and pain?
Amacada Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 Stay in NC. You will achieve nothing but a momentary sense of satisfaction...followed by feeling worse than before. If he's really not that great, then save your 'revenge' for if she comes crawling back - then you can tell her the reason why you won't consider giving her a second chance. Don't focus on her though pal, just worry about yourself.
Chinook Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 Do I break no contact and confront her about this? I wouldn't. She's made her choice. That choice doesn't include you. Someone who can hurt you THAT much and still walk away doesn't deserve your time or energy. Or am I just setting myself up again for more anger and pain? In short, yes. More fully, what response would you wish to get...? That yes, he's fat and ugly and he's not you...? Or what if she doesn't respond at all...? It doesn't serve any purpose for you to know the answers to these things. The sad fact is, she moved on. To make your life easier, I wouldn't contact her... although, I know it's hard.
Author ooopnut4 Posted July 29, 2008 Author Posted July 29, 2008 i just want to know why she lied to me and completely cut me off after 3 years of being so close
Chinook Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 i just want to know why she lied to me and completely cut me off after 3 years of being so closeYou don't need to know why she did it. The fact is, she DID do it. That's what you have to deal with... that after those 3 years of being close and sharing all that you shared, she was still capable of doing this. It doesn't matter WHY. The fact is that something in how she felt for you allowed her to make that decision and don't kid yourself, it is a decision... she didn't have anything or anyone influencing her... she decided where things went and she walked away. That's what you need to keep focused on. Just asking her why isn't going to give you any constructive information which will help you move on.
critter909 Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 Stay NC. You will never know "why" because there is no "why". She just did it.
orangehose Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 I agree that it is futile to ask 'why' (although I still struggle with that occasionally and can understand how difficult it is to just accept that a person treated you like crap and you'll never really know why). The point is, she was capable of doing something terribly hurtful to a guy who loved her (I assume you were pretty nice to her). Do you want someone capable of doing that, in your life?
Ronni_W Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 i just want to know why she lied to me and completely cut me off I think someone on LS has a sig that answers it -- I'll have to paraphrase but it goes something like, "we're all motivated by the need/desire to do what we think/hope will make us feel better about ourselves and/or the world around us." At the end of it all, that's going to be her 'why' -- she thought or hoped, rightly or wrongly, that her actions would result in making her own life more pleasant or bearable, happier, easier, etc. It doesn't mean that you were doing anything to contribute to her unhappiness and discontent, though. Just, that's what was going on in her own conscious or subconscious mind. Why didn't she handle it better, with honesty and some compassion for you? My guess is that it's because she didn't have any better coping skills than what she used. That says something about HER, not about you. I am sorry that you are suffering the consequences of her lack of, or under-developed, life skills. I do agree with posters who say it would be futile to try to get clearer, more satisfying answers from her -- from her own friends' opinions, it sounds as if she likely hasn't yet developed any more skills or self-awareness than when she was with you.
ioncebelieved Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 I am 2 weeks into NC after being dumped after 3 years, just found out thought that she was cheating on me for a month before we broke up.( with the guy she is currently with) And a friend of hers said the guy is fat and ugly and they dont know what the hell shes doing. Do i break no contact and confront her about this? Or am i just setting myself up again for more anger and pain? Man HELL NO on breaking NC. If she traded her Ferrari in on a Yugo, let her deal with that slap in the face trade. Hold strong!! I passed my 1 month of NC yesterday. You can do it.
Author ooopnut4 Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 ok so i get home from work and there is a birthday present and a card..so i call and leave a voicemail just saying thank you, then i get a text saying even though we arent together anymore im always there for you and always proud of you WTF!
Peter_pan Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 she is stupid then mate. its clearly a rebound relationship that wont last. let her be with a fat wanker. your better than that mate. dont take this ****.
Author ooopnut4 Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 ok now i get a text last night saying "just wanted to wish u an early happy bday cuz tomorrow is gonna be crazy, but i understand if you dont want to talk. so i wrote back like an hour later "thanks lyss" i know she wanted to talk but not calling her or acknowledging her.. is that the right thing to do if i want her back?
Peter_pan Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 well tbh wen i heard my ex had a new bf, i told her it was to awkward now to speak like friends, and unless i had moved on or got another girl friend then i just couldn't to talk to her. went NC. it didnt get her back, she continued to go out with him for 5 months after that. and to this day i dont know what her status is or who with. she is about as good as dead to me
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