april1325 Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 I have been married almost 3 years, but together 5 years. It seems like every since we said I DO, it all went down hill. I know thats not true, but we hardly ever use to fight. We had a few problems, but they was suppose to be getting took care of and worked out. My husband was home pretty much everyday, and when he wasnt I knew where he was,and he told me in advance. He was very affectionate, and caring. We decided to have a baby because we were doing good in our relationship,and work. We got married about 1 month after our daughter was born, and he just did a 180 degree turn. He started hanging out all night with his friends. He started winding up in jail on a regular basis on the weekends. He started spending less and less time with me and his kids. he said how could i expect him to be home everyday? then he said I dont do it intentionally. I said easy. You have two daughters and wife. yes you do it intentionally when you plan on going there and doing whatever your doing. That is intentional. Well during these 3 years we have been married needless to say it has just gotten worse. He would change for a little while and then he back up to his old tricks. He is constantly lying to me, but I would forgive him. He told me "baby im going to change" and the way he looked and talked to me I really believed him. I never claimed to be a good judge of character, but I didnt think he could possibly turned out to be as bad as what he did. He really made me believe him when he said I love You. I thought he would always be there for me. It really hurts to have someone waste your time, and lie to you the entire time your together. I thought I seen something in him. His family has already given up hope on him, and I didnt . I hate the feeling of being used. I was pretty much his booty call for the past 5 years. I wish I could stop crying, and being so angry because today My husband and I have decided to finally end the misery. Pretty much my husband decided. How can he go on with his life as if these 5 years never even happened? He told me today he wanted to sign his rights away for his kids. He told me he started having an affair with another woman last week. Well he didnt tell me. I figured it out, and he finally manned up. I moved out about a week ago to show him how serious I was about him changing his existing problem with drugs. He went on life as usual. He didnt even call till saturday night. Just to make sure I was not out doing what he was already doing. He then had the nerve to tell me it was my fault for his affair. He said if I didnt hang up the phone on him the other night he would have never cheated. Even though he had already been cheating a few days before then. I told him Im not having a conversation on the phone where he is telling me Im just with him for his money. What money I said? If you had money I wouldnt have to borrow money from my mom. so i hung up. How can he have the nerve of accusing me for his own mistakes. Atleast when I make mistakes I can admit to it, and deal with the consquences. He told me he was moving back to texas, and dont bother to call or write because his kids longer meant anything to him. He was signing over his rights. How does a person just turn off all emotion and caring. Is it so hard for me to comprehend how he is doing this all so easy. If I could I would, but I cant. He then had the nerve to accuse me of CHEATING. He actually expected me to come begging him to come back and say that I made the mistake. he never said it but he had this pitiful look on him as if thats what he was waiting on like he alway does. he just sat in the livingroom and waited. After about an hour of me ignoring him in the living room. he decided to leave. Im so tired of feeling the way Ive been feeling this past couple of years, and I know it is not healthy. My brain knows i dont need to be with him, but my heart doesnt want to listen. How can you want someone back after all the stuff they just put you though. If I didnt have any better sense today I probaly would have, but enough is enough. he has already said and done to much. I know his kids need him, but I cant force him to be a parent. He wasnt around when they lived in the same house, why would I expect him to be around now. I wish I could skip over the hurting and go straight to the healing.
critter909 Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 Wow, this really sounds terrible, I'm very sorry you are going through this. Please don't blame yourself for his actions. You in no way caused his cheating, like you said, he made these choices on his own, he knew what he was doing when he went out. You also said he has a substance abuse problem. This is probably the root of most of his issues and there really isn't a place for you or your children with him until he deals with this. Your children are probably better off not seeing him right now. And no, no normal person would just give up their wife and children to party, but he is not normal, he is an addict. If possible you should seek out a support group or counselor who deals with spouses of substance abusers. It can be really difficult to get to the point when you no longer blame yourself. I am trying to deal with a break up with an alcoholic and I understand where you are coming from. They are so good at blaming us for their problems and after hearing it for a long time you start to believe it. Well it's not true, for your sake and my own sake I hope we can make it past this and see that they are the only ones to blame. Hang in there, once you get past the initial hurt things will get better, it will be better to not have his constant abuse in your life, you will see.
Megolicious Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 I agree with everything that Critter has said. You're children also don't need to have your husband in their lives. Its a bad role model for them to see and call their daddy. You will be so much happier when you get him our of your life. Right now you might not believe it, but LS is here for you and everyone has such wonderful advice to help keep you strong and motivated =) You deserve better for yourself and your children.
Author april1325 Posted July 29, 2008 Author Posted July 29, 2008 thank you both. It really helps just to write about it on here. It kind of helps me let go of the hurt. I really am glad I found this site. It is a really tough time right now, and I dont have many people to talk to. Since Ive been with him I dont hang out with many of my friend anymore. I have a couple of dependable friends, but it is nice to know that Im not alone that other people are going through the same thing as I am. I would not wish this hell upon anyone though. thank you:)
critter909 Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 April- I lost touch with many friends too in the course of my relationship. It seemed like the worse he got the more it absorbed all my time and energy and I chose to always put him first (this is how I think the one you love should be treated) but it wasn't enough, he just kept spiraling out of control. We have been broken up for 2 months. I have reconnected with some friends and even made some new ones, I can pretty much even have a good time now when I go out with people. You have to rediscover yourself. I know I became a completely different person by the time the R was ending. I am getting back to my true self, my personality and the person I like being. You need to try to do the same. I know it will be very difficult but please seek the help of a counselor. Your situation is very negative and serious, especially with the children involved. But you have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of them too, they need you now more than ever.
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